My Story, My World

The memories will live on forever!

2011-12-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

While digging through my building last night making sure I had all the Christmas presents out that I had hid over the year I came across a box full of old pictures, letters that I have kept from years past. When I started going through them I realized that there were a lot of old pictures, and art projects of Zaks from when he was little. But this first picture I found melted my heart more than anything else I found. I can remember sitting on the porch this very day in the hot son of Mid July when Zak asked "Chaddy" if he would shave his hair off.... Chad went in got the clippers and they proceeded to shaving Zak's hair. Chad got all of it trimmed off and left just a mohawk and Zak was soooo excited he thought he was super cool for having a mohawk and you can tell by his little smile on his face that it made his day. Unfortunately Chad did not let him keep it cause it wasn't as popular then as it is now and well Chad was just not all for letting his 5 year old "lil brother" run around with a mohawk lol!! But I can remember how for just a few mintues he ran around the yard with out a shirt on or with out shoes on, on this hot day and was actually like a muscle man with his new mohawk cut...He always knew how to melt my heart with that sweet little smile and laugh and those big brown eyes!!

Then I found this.....This almost brought me to my knees...Zak had made a fathers day card for Chad that had his foot print on it from when he was in Kindergarten. Chad was the only male father figure that Zak had in his life and when I found this I had a little peace in knowing that Zak knew how much he was loved by his Chaddy! Even though because of family issues they were not always together I know in my heart Zak knew that our love for him was uncondtional! I am just so very thankful that I have all these pictures and all these crafts from Zak's child hood that I keep finding that are just small reminders that we were his family and it gives me a little bit of comfort each time!

I will never forget

2011-11-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I am just simply driving down the road I start to think about the "what if's" I know I shouldn't but I can't stop myself. Sometimes it feels as if I am going to stop breathing and just fall apart, at times I feel as if my heart could stop beating. One minute I am fine and the next minute I am once again faced with the tradgedy that we have gone through. I know why we had to do the things we did the last two years for our family but I do NOT understand how people can be so mentally out there and not at least at one point in their life see that there is a problem. I always said since the first day that Zak and Niki stole my heart that they could do anything in the life they wanted to do all they had to do is work at it. I was always heart broken for the lonliness I knew they felt even when they were 3 and 5 yrs old and didnt really understand their whole life situation. I will never forget the time Zak came home from Kindgarten and said that another boy asked him who is dad was and Zak's response was "Jesus" my heart melted right then because that was the only father he was told about....He knew who God was and he knew how to pray and he knew what it meant to be saved and even as a 6 year old he knew who his real father was. He was so much like Chad it was scary. Ill never forget when I was a senior in High School I would drop him off and pick him up from daycare everyday and I will never forget how his eyes would light up when he saw me walk through the door. I will never forget the time Chad made me a birthday cake and he hid it in the closet until after dinner and when I went looking for Zakry he comes running out of the bedroom with chocolate all over his face I said "what have you been in to?" he said with a very serious face "nothing why?" LOL!! He was only about 4 years old and his big smile always melted my heart I could never stay mad at him when he grinned real big at me. I am starting to remember things now that I had forgotten about it. I am so glad I have a memory that is allowing me to remember his smile, laughter and his big heart. He was always trying to impress us but what he didnt understand is that we loved him just the way he was!

But when I remember all the good times I cant stop remembering the bad days as well. Chads family has always had family turmoil and because of this we found our self having to be separated from Chads mom which also meant not seeing Niki and Zak (which was the hardest thing I had ever done) I had rasied them as my own since I was 17 years old and not seeing or talking them broke my heart. The last time I had seen Zak was at the Catfish Festival Niki came right over to us and hugged us and talked to us but Zak was not about to open up to us and let us know he would have loved a hug! Instead he stood about 100 yards from us and just stared at us the whole time..My heart broke cause I knew if I had just hugged him he would have hugged me back but I let me emotions get the best of me and walked away so I wouldnt make him feel uncomfortable! I CAN NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT DAY!!! I can not stop hating myself for not walking over to him and hugging him so tight.... even if he would have pushed me away at least he would have known i cared enough to at least make an attempt to hug him! I know that deep down he knew how much my love for him was because while I was in his life for all those years I made it a point to tell him. Chad and I went without a LOT of stuff over the years to take care of him and Niki cause we knew we had to! We tried many times over the years to get help for Chad's mother but to no avail and so still to this day she is living this life empty and heart broken now more than she has ever been in her life and as much as I would like to go hug her and tell her we love her I know I cant, and only because I can not help someone who does not want help or who does not see they have a problem. My hands are just as much tied now as they were before, only know my sadness goes sooooo much deeper than it ever has! The hardest part for me is knowing we will never all be a family again, and I will never get the chance to hug him or even see his face again.

Missing my time spent with Zak!

2011-10-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

The days don't get easier, to me they get harder. Harder for me to understand "why". I am now hating my dreams I see his face and it's the look that he gives me in my dreams that haunts me, he is so close to me reaching for me and shivering as if he is cold and wanting me to pull him up to safety! But when I reach for him he's to far away, just out of arms length. I hate the feeling of not being able to help, and that is the hardest part about all of this is that I feel I didn't do my part to help him. We weren't there and the kids life for the last 2 years because of family differences that have haunted the family for years and we don't see how we could live a normal life unless we pulled our self away from them. Looking back on it now I know we did what was best for our family and I know we are conituing to do the best thing for our kids and for us but the pain is still there. The hurt, the many questions of "why" and "what if" haunt me and will continue to haunt me. I have been praying for God to give everyone peace and I know we serve a powerful God so I just have to keep believing in him and serving him and he will keep providing for me!

Help Me, Help You!

2011-07-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed with the urge to help people. I have always been overwhelmed with this emotion. I thought that once I got this job at Habitat (4 years ago) that it would stop that emotion, but it hasn't. I am thinking maybe its a sign, but then how will I know when I am put in the right situation to help the right people? I have been trampled on SOOOO many times by people who I open my doors, wallet and heart to just for them to turn around and use me! I don't judge them or hate them, and to be honest I would probably open it all up again if they came to me and needed it. Surely my big heart and my ideas of saving all the needy can be put to good use! I have prayed about this emotion for years but nothing yet has came to me. I know, I know, God isn't ready to tell me, but remember I am SOOO impaitent! I have thought that maybe I need a place to make this work maybe there is a need for people to come and just feel safe and be able to talk. I dont have to have anything to give them but my love and my wisdom of how God loves them. I could have some resources that could help them in whatever trials in their life they are facing...Does that make sense? Then I think, ok maybe there needs to be a place to women to come who are pregnant and alone and need HELP!! But would people come to just anyone? Would people come if they werent getting something for "free" I know that sounds awful but it is the sad truth!! But then again if they were in real need they would come no matter what!! See, my mind NEVER stops, I have wanted to build a "safe" house for years here on our lot at Habitat to help those people who are in need a of temoporary home but I cant convience anyone that it is a good idea. I guess I should rephrase that, they know its needed but legal issues always pop out, like who would watch the house to make sure it wasnt destroyed? What about insuring it? How long would you allow each family to stay there? AHHHHHH! I am losing my mind with all these ideas. Good thing I have a blog, and Its a good idea that you all already know I am crazy or you would be worried about me... :)

Time for a change!

2011-07-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just want to change things up a bit. Who knows maybe even start blogging again!! I wont promise that but I sure would like to make myself do it!! Stay Tuned you never know!

Day 9

2011-02-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

A Picture of my friends....

Yes I know I may never get to day 30 but I am still trying I promise, blogging is something you want to do and some days I just don't feel like doing it...lol...

This is a few of my friends from our annual Christmas party, what a great bunch of girls they are ..love them all dearly!

Day 8

2011-02-04T10:01:00.000-08:00

A place I have traveled to.....

Instead of the traditional vacation spot you probably thought I would post on here I decided to do something different....I was going through the pics on my pc and I cam across this one....to some people it may not be that big of a deal but to me it's the most powerful photo I have ever taken, I have traveled to that very alter on numerous occasions, not because I am a bad person but because I am a human. I make mistakes so I ask for forgiveness, my heart is hurting because my marriage has not always been perfect like it is now and I have asked God for help to put it back together, I seek guidance at that alter God, lays his hands upon me and slowly picks me up and all then I know I will be ok.... I have traveled to this very place time and time again....It is the one place I am more proud of than any other place!!

Day 7

2011-01-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

FAVORITE MOVIES......

My all time FAVORITE movie is.......(drum roll please)....Field of Dreams..

Yep thats right, I LOVE that movie I could still watch it over and over again and never get tired of it..I get so excited when it comes on tv. It never gets old to me and it has a great story behind it!

Day 6

2011-01-27T03:49:00.000-08:00

A photo that makes me smile.....

Yes I am aware that it is technically not day 6 but I am just gonna stay on track by the numbers and just bare with me if this takes longer than 30 days...lol..

This picture really does not need a title....Look how FAT she was!!! OHHHHHH she is growing up sooo fast.. I love both my baby girls!!

DAY 5

2011-01-24T07:10:00.000-08:00

MY SIBLINGS~

Yes I am aware that I am a day behind, but it is just a day so it's ok. :)

I currently have 5 siblings, I say currently because I never know when my father may call me and tell me there is another sibling out there he is just now finding out about....lol...Sorry daddy, I couldn't resist adding that to my blog..

My oldest sibling is my sister Krista, she and I have a special bond, we share the same birthday only 8 years apart. I felt that it really should have been her happiest birthday every and I should have been the best gift she has ever gotten to date, BUT apparently I am WRONG! I thinks it's funny how two people who can be such complete opposites can still have so much fun together like we do. She is the one I call when I am mad, sad, happy, or just want to call because I have nothing better to do. I am pretty sure since we were born on the same day it really does give us a closer relationship, I feel more like she is my twin (I'm much prettier of course lol) I know when she is hurting, sad, or mad. When she is struggling with all of her "life" issues that I know that I can not fix for her I just want to take her place and make it all better. But I can't, instead I can only cry with her and pray for her and love her unconditioanlly. She is my best friend and I am very proud to call her my sister. My sister is married to Bryan and she has three kids, Lindsay, Cole and Bayleigh.

The next is my older brother Robbie, Though hard headed and mean more times than not in my life I still love him just the same. He was always my "Rock" I guess you would say. When I had a problem he would always listen. He accomplished many wonderful things in his adult life that makes me VERY proud of him. Although I really would have put money on him never marrying and living in the woods in a cabin and only eating the meat in which he killed himself, I am very thankful to have my sister in law Miranda and my two super awesome nephews Tristan and Braxtan.

The baby brother is next, Ryan Allen, came a little late in my moms life but I must say he is the one they love the most....lol...just kidding (kinda lol) I can remember being so over protective of him when he was a baby. He use to be so cute and sweet but in the blink of an eye he would turn on you and be mean as a little snake. He has always been very smart, and a good christian boy. He will be 22 years old this year and has just become a new employee of WRECC which is the job he has been wanting for about a year like always he worked hard and aggravated the right people and got what he wanted....that a boy Ryan!! :) I am wouldn't know what to do with out my little redneck baby brother!

I have two more sisters that came to be my sisters by marriage Jesse and Amanda. I must say though regardless of a blended family we all get a long great and always have. When there mom and my dad married it was the first time I was excited about one of my fathers wifes...lol...Teresa (my step mom) was a gift sent from God specifically for my daddy and when he sent her he sent Jesse and Amanda to help my sister Krista and step mom Teresa keep my dad on track. IT IS NOT an easy task so any sibling that can do that is extra special in my eyes...lol..

I have a big family, and though many miles separate three of us we never loose the love we share for one another! WE ARE FAMILY!!

Day 4

2011-01-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

My Parents

When I was 2 yrs old my mom and dad divorced, I do not remember any of it. I guess now that I think of it it's kinda sad only knowing my dad outside of the house. I never remember him living with us or sadly I don't remember a lot of stuff from my child with him there. I thank its only by the grace of God we have a relationship today. My mom remarried when I was 4 yrs old, they are still married today. It is because of his job that we moved to Morgantown nearly 20 years ago. I often wonder where I would be at today if we had stayed in Ashland?!

My parents have always raised me in a christian home, even though I fought my mother every day about going to church I am sooooo glad she pushed it on me. I grew up most of my life only seeing my dad on holidays and special occasions or during the summer months for a week or so at a time. It made me have a lot of anger about not getting to him as much. Being in church and praying help me a lot. Though I steered away from church in my younger teen years my mom was always there to pick up the pieces and help me put them back together. Now that I am an adult I see more clear now just how great my parents are, including my step mom and dad! Even though miles still part us we still love each other and keep in contact daily!

Day 3

2011-01-21T19:36:00.000-08:00

MY FIRST LOVE:

Ok, so this may sound cheesy but here goes....

I have thought about this post all day, at first I was thinking about middle school, about how I thought I was in love with this boy (I wont mention names since my blog is now public lol) I still see him sometimes today and I thank God for unanswered prayers. I think a lot of that guy but I my life would be in a completely different place if I was with him, and I have to say not one that I would be proud of. Unless I could have changed him but that is a different post.

Then I got to thinking the first person that I was in "LOVE" with was Chad. You know the whole sappy story so I wont tell it here, as cheesy as it may sound its the truth, and NO, Chad does not read my blog so I am not getting any points by typing this...lol.. I can honestly say that he can still give me butterflies in my stomach, and when I look at him I feel the same way I did when we started dated....I always knew I would be with him and again God put us together for so many reasons that we are just now seeing. I love him, I have loved him since I was young child and even though I dated other people he was always in my heart, and everytime he came home from leave, he found me. I mean it was never coincidence, he FOUND me. Even though I was young and everyone just thought I was stupid for falling in love so quick, they didn't really know I had loved him for years... HE IS MY FIRST AND ONLY REAL LOVE!!

Day 2

2011-01-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

The meaning behind my blog name......"Rebuilding our "BRIDGES" one prayer at a time"

I have always tried to come up with a "Clever" blog title, I use to just have the traditional Last name or first name title. I was sitting at home one day after our revival and it dawned on me that we are rebuilding our life through the power of prayer. The more I thought about it I wanted to incorporate our last name in the blog as well. In the last year our bridge in our life, christian life, parenting, and marriage has been both torn apart and then amazingly all of it was rebuilt and made even better than before. I love what God has done for our family this past year, I have always put my faith in God and he has never failed me.

Day 1

2011-01-19T13:23:00.000-08:00

Day 1-Introduce,

My name is Ashley Bridges I am married to Chad Bridges who has had my heart since I was very young (ahhhhh, I know) he sings in a gospel group here locally and I am very proud of him. I have two beautiful daughters Peyton who is 7 and Tarryn is 1. They have changed me into the christian person I am today...

RECENT PICTURE,

15 INTERESTING FACTS

1. I was born in Ashland, KY and moved to morgantown in 1992.

2. My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 2 yrs old.

3. My sister and I have the same birthday but we are 8 years apart, and apparently we look a lot a like.(I don't see it)lol

4. I have OCD....and was diagnosed with it 2 days before I found out I was preganant with Peyton.

5. I hate to hear people type on a key board in silence.

6. I hate the sound of someone changing the channel on the remote.

7. When I change channels I ALWAYS have to start with the first one (like channel 2)

8. I count things...EVERYTHING...from cracks in the wall, to windows, to people.

9. When I was a kid I got a yellow crayon stuck in my nose... I was on my way to hospital when I finally blew it out..lol

10. I worry constantly about everything...

11. I have gone most of my married life without health insurance. And Peyton has gone most of her life without insurance as well..God has blessed us with Health

12. I have a BURNING desire to help people

13. I sing REALLY REALLY loud in the car.

14. I LOVE MUSIC... I can remember several people and several events just by hearing certain songs.

15. If you read my blog from the past to the present you will see God working on my family (especially Chad) Prayers do get answered.

Until Next time!

30 Day Challenge

2011-01-19T13:22:00.000-08:00

I came across a blog today (thanks Jill) and loved the 30 Day Challenge she was doing. So, I decided to join in!! Here is a list of topics for each day. Be sure to check in and as always COMMENT.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30- a picture

One Letter

2011-01-17T17:41:00.000-08:00

It's been almost 10 years since my mom wrote this to me to be published in my senior yearbook. After 10 years it still brings tears to my eyes. I am still very amazed at how "right on" she was. I mean I know she is my mother and she should know everything about me but at 17 years old when this was wrote I would have bet you a hundred dollars she knew nothing about me, but in all reality she knew more about me than I knew about me. I have gone down some very dark roads in my 10 years since this letter was wrote, not because I had to, but because I chose to. Every time I moved from house to house this letter has traveled safely with me, and every time I have unpacked my bags this letter has crossed my path and given me the strength I needed to make it to the next day. I am pretty sure that my mom never in a million years would have thought this letter would have impacted me into my adult years like it has, but there is something about each line that describes me to a "T", it's the simple sweet way she wrote it that makes it so special. After all the stuff I put my mother threw growing up I would have thought all she would have wanted to say to me was "SEE YA". I can only hope that when my girls get older I can have the same impact on them that my mother had on me in my life. Though we butted heads more times than not, I heard EVERY word she every screamed at me (lol) and I can promise you she had a lot of times to scream at me. I have apologized to her over the years but it still doesn't make what's done go away. Thank you mom for your christian values and your loving heart. It is because of you, I am the mother, wife and christian woman I am today.

The "Claus"

2010-12-30T05:55:00.000-08:00

To some people it is just a simple ceramic Mr. & Mrs. Claus....To me it is my entire childhood memories all wrapped into one! Every year for as far back as I can remember my mother has displayed the ceramic Mr. & Mrs. Claus every year at Christmas. When I was young I can remember prentending they were alive and pretending they would walk and even do the famous "HO HO HO", I loved them, when those were put out every year it was just one more thing to remind us that Christmas was close. Of course as I teenager I could have caredless about those silly ceramic statues that sat near the fire place, I am not quiet sure at what age I stopped picking them up and pretending with them, but I always knew they were there. They were kind of like my star on top of the tree, if they were missing I would have known. Last year at Christmas my mom decided to play a little game. She sat us all down and read us this VERY sentimental letter she wrote about the history of the "Claus'" she decided to make them the traveling "Claus'" she decided to draw names as to who's house it would go to first, and of course it went to Rob and Miranda's (hence the reason I say he is her favorite lol) I had kind of forgotten about them until about 2 weeks or so before Christmas. The idea of the game is to pass them on the other siblings each year at Christmas so that "our" kids can enjoy them like we did. I must say that I was REALLY nice to Miranda ALL year cause I REALLY wanted the Claus' next...lol...At our annual Christmas get together, Miranda and Rob had already been scheming a great plan ALL YEAR
..Krista and I had to answer "history" lessons about the "Claus'" whoever got the most right was to get them for the year.

Krista was jumping for joy (LITERALLY)when she won the questions and of course I was devastated.
When she un wrapped them and pulled them out I knew smething was different. Mr. Claus looked newer and his hands looked different.
Miranda found an (almost identical) Mr. Claus at the flea market, he was an imposter. I immediately said "WAIT, something is not right, that is not the same one... Miranda then took both of them from my sisters arms....(I am pretty sure there was a tear in her eye, and an evil laugh coming from Miranda)
and gently handed them to me, She said, You are right, there is an imposter! In walks Robbie with the REAL Mr. Claus! Because I noticed that they were different I was able to WIN them back from Krista
....MUUUAAAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAA!!! Krista was able to take home the imposted Santa,
but we all know it will probably never be seen again, truth be known it's probably already broken! :) Mr. and Mrs. Claus are being displayed with love ontop of my China cabinet.
I can not wait to enjoy my year with Mr. & Mrs. Claus at the Bridges home. Though Chad is about to die cause I will have a piece of Christmas out all year, I guess I am trying to soften him up a bit. I am sure it wont work...Please stay tuned through out the year for Mr. & Mrs. Claus' sightings.. :)

~Until Next Time~

IT'S BEGINING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS!

2010-11-10T08:08:00.000-08:00

So maybe to some people it is to early but to me it is right on time...If Chad would let me I would have my tree up already..I snapped a few pictures of the girls with there Christmas dresses on the other day, I was trying to practice on what to do for Christmas pictures. I am still not crazy in love with these pictures but I guess they will have to do..

Remembering

2010-10-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

I MISS HER! I miss our talks, I miss our emails, I miss her laugh and her unconditional love for everyone! Everyone told me that in due time I would not feel so guilty for never making more of an effort to get us together more, but time has been passing quickly and I still feel the same. As I watch life passing us by so quickly I can not help but feel sad that she is not here, I hate that she is missing everything. It's weird when I see things going on in others life I can't help but think how things would have been so different if she were still here. She gave me hope, and inspiration to get through each day! I have our last emails that we wrote to each other printed and put in my Bible. I haven't read them in a long time, but I like to know that they are there when I am ready to read them. It is hard to read them cause she was so sick and in so much pain! I know I shouldn't but I always ask myself, WHY? I wonder if there will ever be days that I will forget her?, I don't EVER want to forget!

WOULD YOU?

2010-09-29T08:01:00.001-07:00

"We are not the Audience of God, We are the BODY!" This was my "AHHH HAAAA" moment! For years I have set back and been the audience, I have let people around me influence my decisions in the past on things that I should have just done and not even thought about. I got a call this week from a friend of mine, she is recovering from a drug problem along with her husband and they are trying to get custody of their kids back. They were in need, they are living with family that is not helping there situation at all, but that is all they have so they have to settle. She contacts me and tells me she has not ate all day and that her family she is staying with is hiding food from her and she has no money to go buy any food. She needs a place to live but because of the choices she has chosen to make she has a criminal background which is hurting there hunt for a place to live. So anyway she tells me everything that has been going on in her life over the last 6 months or so. Now keep in mind I have known this person for YEARS, I have watched her come in and out of drugs for YEARS. When I hung up the phone I quickly just started praying. I didn't know what to do in this situation I did not want to involve myself in a potentially bad situation but I knew I needed to help her out. I decided to ask a few people's opinion on the situation, with out giving any information as to who this person was I asked around to a few people and I was quickly told NOT to get involved....This ate away at me, I could not knowingly let someone be hungry...I contacted my friend and I heard nothing back from her, so the next day I decided that if I had no other communication with her then I would leave it alone. About mid day the next day I recieved a message from her telling me once again she was in need of food. I did not even think twice, I left work went to the grocery store and bought about $40 worth of food (the bare essentials) that would help her until she got some money in. I loaded it in my car and took it to her. I did this not because I am rich and have lots of money to spend on other people, not because I wanted to hold it over her head and wait for her to repay me the money, and certainly not because I wanted to let everyone know......but because it was the "RIGHT" thing to do. I am not the one who has to judge her. When I left her house she could have very well went and sold everything I purchased and got cash so she could have bought her next fix, Or she could have went inside and ate EVERY single thing I bought cause she was REALLY hungry... I may never know what she did and I don't care if I know what she did, I did what I felt led to do. I was not able to help out a whole lot but if I feel I was able to give her a hand up, not a hand out. She sent me a message the next day and told me that she had a GREAT lead on a place to live and she was going to check it out that day, but she also had the option to go to permanent drug rehabilition center that would give her continous help to keep her clean and have her kids with her. So regardless of what she chooses I can only pray that she stays clean, I may have been the only person who was willing to help her out and by that one quick choice I choose to do I may have very well given her the encouragement she needed to keep on living!
I was NOT the audience, I did not sit back and wait for someone else to "hopefully" help her I took the time and I just did it, I did not let ANYONE around me influence my decision I just did it. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do in that situation but I did it. I was the "BODY"!

IT FILLS MY HEART!

2010-09-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

If I am your friend and I know you inside and out, I know where you came from and I know what life you grew up in, then DO NOT for one second look down on me and think that you are better than me. You may think you have it all but I am here to tell you that you don't. Until you realize that Jesus Christ gave his life for you to live then you will always be lost! When I can lay down next to my husband each night knowing that after 10 years of ups and downs and going through what we have gone through I can still get butterflies in my stomach that fills my heart up. When I lay in the floor at night with my baby girls crawling all over me and giving me their sweet lil kisses that fills my heart. When I wake in the middle of the night and go watch them sleep so peacefully in their beds that feels my heart. God put me in this spot for a reason. He pulled us through each heart ache, through each town, through each dead end he was ALWAYS waiting to pick us up. There is not ONE doubt in my mind that he was not behind all of the paths in my life. You may make fun of me and talk about my life style to others but just know that I AM NOT ONE BIT ASHAMED OF BEING A CHRISTIAN!! I will raise my kids in a Christian home and teach them right from wrong. I will never be perfect but I will a Child of God and with that all things are possible.....even PERFECTION!

Happy 9 month Birthday!

2010-09-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that 9 months have passed by so quickly, but I wanted to post this...look how ABSOLUTLEY BEAUTIFUL SHE IS!! Thank God for this wonderful gift!

Reality!

2010-08-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Everytime I hear my husband sing for God's glory I am over come with emotion. It doesn't seem like all that long ago he won my heart by singing to me in the truck one night while driving to Bowling Green before we were even dating.....I melted, and I can still say I am melting after all these years. Though it is a different kind of melt, When I watch him stand and sing in front of a crowd of people and raise his hands praising God, I MELT! To see a man who has come from the bottom to the man he is today just warms my heart! Chad coould testify to you and when he was done talking you would be amazed that he is standing before the Lord doing what he is today. I could testify and you may ask me why I would stay in a marriage for 8 years when at times I was sure we had fallen to far gone for recovery. God knew, He knew exactly what he wanted to do with us. So when I sit in my car each morning and drive to work and wish to be in a far off town along a body of water watching my girls play worry free on the beach I quickly snap my self back into reality and Thank God for the many blessings he has already given to me and my family. Though I have to admit if he want to bless us with that reality to I would sure take it...lol! When I lay Tarryn down for bed at night and she cries and screams at the top of her lungs until I play Resurrection Bound on my phone and within minutes she has fallen asleep that gives me peace. Since she was about a month old that is all she has known. When I put my ear phones in my ear and listen to their new cd and I hear Peyton saying the Pledge that gives me joy, the kind of joy I never thought I could feel. I am not worthy of his great love but I am certainly glad that he has given it to me. I just pray that I do the right things in my life and that I can continue to raise my girls in good christian values!

Habtiat!

2010-08-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Meet Sahzija, Sahzija is a Habitat homeowner who came here from Bosnia about 15 years ago. Her husband died in the war over there and she was left with her special needs son to raise on her own. She had nothing but she knew she had to get out of Bosnia. She came to the states and ended up here in Bowling Green. She has worked VERY VERY hard the entire time she has been here and was well deserving of a Habitat House.....It's people like this beautiful woman who makes me LOVE my job! She is kind,loving,and appreciative. I love my job and each of the homeowners. Thank you God for giving me these moments to cherish forever!

Confusion

2010-08-18T11:34:00.001-07:00

I have never been more confused about anything in my life than I am right now about Church, Jesus, America, Christianity etc. Now don't read into that statement, I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and I know without him in my life I would not be where I am today. He has given me everything I have. But I am confused, there are sooooo many questions that I ask and never get the full answer to them. I am confused on ALL OF IT! Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say I give up. I guess maybe I am just not having the discussions with the right people. I am completely torn between all the different religious beliefs, ok maybe not torn but confused for sure! If we are suppose to love everyone then how come so many people pick and choose? I hate to hear when I talk to people about church and they say to me "well I don't go to church cause the people in the church looked down on me" Well in my eyes if you are a sinner or a lost person shouldn't you be welcomed into a church with open arms so that you will be comfortable to learn about God's forgiveness? It bothers me to know that churches are often ran like big businesses, the people who have been there the longest get away with making all the decisions and never taking in to consideration the people of the church, I hear about this often. If God has led somebody into the doors of a church we should make them feel welcome and keep in touch with them so that they do not fall away and so they want to come back to the church! I myself am guilty of not keeping in touch with people I know that need me. I lost my friend Tiffany a couple years ago and I still give myself a hard time about not staying in contact with her like I should have... and she needed me! We were able to communicate through emails and text messages the last year of her life but I should have done more, I should have went to see her...but I failed to do so. Oh another confusing note, (yea I know I am all over the place) I am confused by the whole mosque being built near the world trade center memorial. I am just confused as to why if we are Americans can we tell them they are not allowed to build a place of worship? Now dont start sending me hate mail yet, I understand how hurtful it must be for the families of those who perished in the 9/11, but in my own opinion these people who are wanting to build the mosque did not do this to them, yes other people with the same religious backgrounds did but these particular people did not! I dont know maybe I am just not looking at this from the perspective....again I am confused! From a religious stand point I do not agree with the beliefs that the muslim believe at all. What do you all think about this? Again I dont want hate mail I want "HELP" mail, LOL! I have been reading my Bible a lot hoping that it would help me figure out a lot of my confusions but it has just made me more confused....lol...I am at a place in my life where I want to know and I need to know for my sanity..lol..

I must say though I truly love God, I do not doubt his exsistence nor do I doubt what I know he can heal!

FOREVER FREE

2010-07-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

I watched an illness take a loved one from our home, you know sometimes life just ain't fair she made reservations and I know where she's going there's no sickness waiting there as we gathered round her we knew the time was near we watched her slowly slip away, such a peacful feeling came into that room I could almost here her say....my struggles over, I'll fight no more I lost a battle but I won the war. Victory is sweet as I bow here at his feet don't weep for me, OH if you could see I'M FOREVER FREE....There's a time to laugh and a time to cry a time to live and a time to die, you know that's something that everyone's gonna face if we live our life though christ keep the faith and fight the fight when it comes our time we can say......my struggles over, I'll fight no more I lost a battle but I won the war. Victory is sweet as I bow here at his feet don't weep for me, OH if you could see I'M FOREVER FREE!

What wonderful meaning this song has in it.. To her Donna sing this song gives me chills, It is a MUST hear if you have not heard it before.

My baby is growing

2010-07-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is growing up soooo fast! It makes me so sad when I realize that this is my last baby, Yea I know I have plenty of time to still do baby things but in 4 months she will be a year old...HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? She melts my heart and has brought me so much joy since the first time I held her in my arms. I have nobody to thank but God for giving me this preciouse gift and of course my other precious gift Peyton!

THOUGHTS

2010-07-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

This is a cycle, that at anytime we can stop it and make it go a different way. Why do we not see all the poverty in our own country...or better yet even in our own back yard. Come walk with me for a day around the few blocks of my office and I can show you some poverty. I am sure a lot of people think that these peoplecould end there own poverty by simply stopping the cycle there selfs, but how do you do that if you are a person who has never even learned to read or write. By cycle I mean that usually 99% of the time a person who is living in poverty did not come from a wealthy family and just decide to live like this. They came from a family where they too lived in poverty all the way back to as far as they can remember they lived in poverty. Some people do not even have fresh drinking water. I am not talking over in Africa either I am talking RIGHT HERE IN BOWLING GREEN KY! How do we stop this cycle. How about not buying those pair of earrings that you think you HAVE to have and give that money to an organization that will help rebuild the community. That's right for the price you pay for that latte you could be helping a family be able to eat a good meal tonight. Think about that the next time you are sitting down with your family in a nice cozy house at your kitchen table eating dinner. Think about the people just right down the road who have NOTHING to offer there kids. Lets give them a hand up....not a hand out. My goal this year for christmas time is to sit Peyton down (Tarryn is to young) and talk with her about raising money to help those in need. I would love to find a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen that I could take her to and we could work at and maybe let her see that some people including kids do not get ANYTHING at Christmas time. I am going to limit the number of gifts she gets to very minimal and then let her be involved in some sort of program to help the kids in our community who need it most. Now I jsut have to find the area that needs the most help and come up with a plan to help them out...Or maybe even a family in Morgantown who is in need I can help out this year... Iam going to do my research on this.. I think you should all try to do the same this year..Because really, does your kids even play with all the junk they get at Christmas?

PRAYING!

2010-07-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

PRAYER REQUEST!!

PLEASE REMEMBER ROBERT CUNNINGHAM AND HIS FAMILY IN YOU PRAYERS, ROBERT HAS GONE THROUGH SO MUCH SO HAS HIS FAMILY I JUST PRAY THAT HIS PAIN IS CONTROLLED AND HE CAN BE AT EASE. PLEASE ALL PRAY

PLEASE REMEMBER CHAD IN YOUR PRAYERS AS WELL AS WE TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT IS CAUSING HIS PAIN. WE KNOW GOD IS POWERFUL AND CAN HEAL HIM AND HIS PAIN!

THE POWER OF PRAYER WORKS, SO PLEASE PRAY FOR ALL THE SICKNESS!!!

8 years and counting

2010-07-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

I love you! Not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you. You have given me joy in my life that would have never found anywhere else. You have given me two amazing girls who are my life. It is amazing to think back to where our life was 8 years ago and where it is now. I am in awe when I see what God has done for us just in the last year. God has picked us up when we were down he has given us love when we thought we could not love anymore, He has shown us his presence in more ways than one. I can honsetly say I could not imagine my life with out my husband in it. He is my best friend, my soul mate and I am more in love with him now than I was 8 years ago...THANK YOU CHAD FOR BEING SO WONDERFUL TO ME!

The Next Chapter

2010-06-28T16:22:00.000-07:00

I have NEVER been more proud of my husband than I am now. Resurrection Bound's new cd is coming soon and of course its Chad's first cd so of course we are overly excited. This weekend we went to Donna's and listened to the demo cd which arrived in the mail and......wow....I was just overcome with joy not only for the how great the cd was for the joy in Chad's eyes as he listened to each song. I am just here to tell you that he has a story to tell....and a good one at that..his testimony is helping so many people in their life struggles. If it hadn't of been for all the bad that he encountered in his life he would not be in this same place today. I know that may sound weird but it is soooo true. Chad has come so far I can't even begin to try to explain it all. When we got married almost 8 years ago he was a different man, I can honestly say that I am more in love with him now than I was then. I stuck by him through some of the darkest times in his life and because of our love for one another we are were we are today. I can not wait to share the new songs with you all and as soon as I get approval I will post one of the songs on here for all to see. Hopefully that will be very soon!

Only God Knows Why

2010-06-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

It is weird how 10 years can pass by soooo quickly...This very date 10 years ago I stood in my sisters living room and fell to the floor crying when I heard the news of Eric's death. I didn't believe it I just wanted it to be a dream and I wanted it to all go away. I can still remember his smile and his sense of humor, I will NEVER forget the LOVE he had for his Church and his family!! A love that I will never forget about him. At that time in my life he was the strongest christian friend I had. I knew that when I had a problem I could call him and he would listen to me. I still find myself struggling with the whole "WHY" question. But I know that only God knows why, and the reunion we will have when we meet again someday is going to be the best.. I miss him very very much but I know he is watching over me! Here is a video of the song he use to LOVE to listen to and often sing to as loud as he could... LOL...GREAT MEMORIES THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET!

Waiting....

2010-06-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am still searching. I am pretty sure that I will be searching for the "reason" God put me on the earth for the rest of my life. Is it weird that I have a VERY good life but I still feel empty? And I don't mean empty like you may think but just empty in the sense of something is missing. I am not doing something in my life that I should be doing and therefore I am missing a piece. I have fought this feeling for many years but only recently has it been a daily reoccurring emotion. I have gotten so much closer with God within the last year it is actually unbelievable to me. So I am thinking that maybe that is why I feel the way I do...I know that you all have read my blogs many times before about my need to help people..You would think that my job would be fulfilling my need, but it's not. Maybe because I am more behind the scenes and not really out there helping on the homes. But I still feel that need. I pray about it and ask God to show me what it is I am suppose to be doing. But I have yet to hear back from him...or have I? I hope if he is sending me signals he doesn't quit cause I have not gotten the ones he has sent so far... I can not wait until the day comes that I log into this blog and start typing about what it is I am here for. I am ready to share the next step in my life with my kids...Bring on the future I am ready for it...

A weekend with my family

2010-06-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

THE PICTURE SAYS IT ALL.... It'a amazing to me that because 60 years ago my grandparents decided to get married we are all here today...They are still going strong after all these years... PRICELESS!

Tarryn Rae

2010-05-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

PERFECTION!!! I can not believe that my baby is going to be 6 months old on June 1st.
Time is flying by and I don't want it to!

60 YEARS

2010-05-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

June 16, 1950 My grandparents George & JoAnn Renfroe Married. 60 years later and they are still going strong. 60 YEARS! I can not even imagine 60 years with Chad. (not that it would be a bad thing lol) The picture that I have posted was taken the day of their wedding and in the picture is my nanny's mom (Nanny Tubert) and my Papaws parents (Ralph and Ruth Renfroe). I do not have any memories of my nanny Tubert, sadly she passed away before I was born I have only heard some wonderful memories. My Nanny Ruth and Papaw Ralph were still living when I was younger. I have fond memories of going to their house. I can still remember the pink (or peachy color) tile bathroom that had a phone in it..If I close my eyes and think back to those days I can still smell the food that my nanny was cooking. Papaw Ralph was always outside doing something usually in the garden I do believe. Unfortunately I was so young when they were alive I have very little memories...But I can hear the sound of Nanny Ruth's rocking chair squeeking as the rocked back and forth in it. (The rocking chair is not at my mothers house)I use to love sitting in it when I was younger. I would actually love if she would let me get it finished and put it in my living room....HMMMMM, I may have to work on that one.
I can only pray that God stays in mine and Chads relationship for 60 years. I am sure my grandparents have overcome MANY obsticles in their life and I hold the utmost respect for them. They are truly the ones that I need to model in order to live my life with my husband for 60 years...

TO RUN OR NOT TO RUN!

2010-05-10T06:50:00.001-07:00

Ten years ago Chad walked into my life as a struggling man fresh out of the army whom had been in a bad marriage that lasted about a year and a half. When I first saw him after not seeing him for more than 4 years my heart melted...there stood this man that won my heart when I was just a young girl finding puppy love..From that very moment even though I was young I was determined to not let him get away from me again. I knew that if God brought him back into town and for Chad to come and look for me then there was a reason behind it. We continued as friends for a while and then quickly started dating..I was a Senior in High School and here was this older man whom had been half way around the world a time or two, he had already lived a life outside of our one horse town....and because of those things mom was terrified for me. As much as she complained about the situation the more I pulled closer to Chad (I am not sure why that works that way but I am praying for my girls sake it wont lol) I moved out of my moms house when I was a senior and moved in with Chad, not the smartest decision I have ever made but needless to say I did it. It was bad....unfortunately his family had a lot of problems which I had no clue about before..BUT I stayed! I stayed through the fights, through the screams, through the lack of money, I stayed...even when I was broken and hurt and I thought I had nothing left to give him....I STAYED!! Still to this day I am not for sure why, but I did. Chad and I married in 2002 a year after I graduated High School, times had gotten a little better at that point but it still wasn't perfect...We did not have good jobs, I decided against College and we lived with his family AGAIN!! It's funny now looking back over the last 10 years just how much stuff we have overcome together. If only then we knew where we would be at and what we would be doing today, maybe our first 5 years in our relationship would have been better. Through every hardship there has been happiness at the end. We have gone from sleeping in a camper trailer to owning our own home. We have gone from not knowing how to communicate without arguing to having full conversations without an argument. God has worked in our lives....and honestly I can not remember ever just praying for him to take over our lives....BUT God knew what he was doing the whole time. Chad and I discuss the whole "praising God" thing SEVERAL times...AND about a year ago Chad actually said to me... "I WILL NEVER be able to be that person that raises my hands up to praise GOD" of course I laughed at him and told him to never say never, and he said "trust me, Ashley" :)......WELL WELL WELL...It's funny how God will make you eat your own words some days... in the last two weekends CHAD'S ARMS COULDN'T HAVE BEEN HIGHER IN THE AIR! We got in the truck after church yesterday and I had not mentioned it at all until then, I said "HMMMMMM, honey seems like not long ago I remember you telling me you would never be the man to raise your arms to praise God".....of course I had that smirk on my face....and without hesitation he said to me...."I don't care what people think"....That's right my hubby is now the one standing in the choir with his arms raised high, and he is now the one getting sooo choked up with emotion he forgets his words to his songs (which Peyton thinks is hilarious)After Chad tells me that yesterday he also smiled real big and said "Do you know how many times God has told me to run!" BAAAAAHAAAAHAAA!!! I said "UH-OH, and through his laughter he said to me "GOD AND I HAVE BEEN ARGUING ABOUT THAT ONE".... :)

THANK YOU GOD FOR SHOWING UP IN MY HUSBANDS LIFE!! PLEASE IF YOU MAKE HIM RUN MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT FALL... :)

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

2010-04-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

Just because you are a big business man DOES NOT mean that you can walk into this office and think for one minute that we are going to change EVERYTHING that Habitat is about because you are willing to sponsor a house...Trust me we have other organizations that would be willing to sponsor a house and not act the way you do. Do you really not understand that 90% of the Habitat homeowners are african American? Do you not realize that 99% of the homes we have built are in the lower income areas of Bowling Green? Just because you have a nice title to your name and wear a suite DOES NOT mean that you can come here and try telling us that YOU want the house to be located on or near cirus square? Of course you do who doesn't? Did we show you any lots that we have over their right now? NO, we did not!! No, you can not have the "PERFECT" family for "YOUR" home. This is not about the show for your business involvement this is about providing people with decent, affordable housing and we are not going to pick favors over someone who is in need of a home. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

2010-04-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

God has blessed me with these little moments that I will cherish forever!

I AM!

2010-04-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

I AM A CHILD OF GOD!! I AM A MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SISTER, COUSIN, and AUNT....I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF ALL THOSE THINGS! But most of all I am very glad that our God is a forgiving God and he brought me out of the dark and into the light. And that he saved my husband and turned him into the man he is today...phenominal! Thank you GOD!

THE GREAT IAM STILL IS......

2010-03-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

One Year Ago Today!

2010-03-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Tarryn. Chad and I had tried for about 6 months with no success, then he got laid off from work so we weren't to worried about the fact that we had not gotten pregnant. Then of course I end up pregnant. I can remember going to get a test and taking it at my office. I really didn't think I was it just became habitat to buy a test, it was kinda fun but at the same time made me a bit sad each month. When I took this test it was a really light line that showed up so I wasn't 100% sure so I went back to my desk and kept watching it...I would work for a bit then look at it, work then look at it and it kept getting darker! I decided to leave work early and go find Chad he was suppose to be taking Peyton to the park that day. So I sat and waited on them and when he pulled up he was like why are you not at work? I handed him the test and he was like are you pregnant? I am still not sure if he was happy or sick to his stomach...lol...He is not much of a baby person but he is the best daddy and loves his girls...

It is just so hard to believe that a year has already passed...Tarryn has been a GREAT baby in the last almost 4 months of her life....she only cries when she's hungry. Last week I started her on baby food just carrotts for now and she LOVES them! Of course she is such a junk....She weighed 19.13 pounds on March 22nd! Needless to say she is a growing BABY!!!

One Year ago toady I became a mother of two!!! Thank God for both my little miracles!

Remembering a friend

2010-03-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

This week on facebook a few of us were discussing spirits/ghosts on my page. I have had so many very strange encounters so I thought I would share one very special event that happened nearly 10 years ago...wow hard to believe it's been that long.

On June 23rd 2000 I lost a dear friend of mine in a car wreck. Eric Ryan Young was one of those people that loved you for YOU!!He was a jack of all trades. One of his many jobs was lawn care. He had built his business up a lot over the years and was well known in the community for his nice neat PERFECTLY straight lines in his grass...lol...I can remember him talking about grass on peoples lots as we drove by them, he would always say "my John Deere could do a better job than that" then laugh at himself.His favorite equipment was John Deere as was his favorite color. We had so many really great times together that I could not even begin to list them. The day that Eric died was like a dream actually probably from that day and the two weeks following that day were a dream. I can remember being at my sisters house and my friend Tiffany knocking on the door. When I opened it her facial expressions was all I needed to see to tell something was wrong. When she told me my heart just broke in to a million pieces. I can remember the funeral home being so full of people those few days that there was at least an hour wait at times to get through the doors. I can still picture him lying there and just waiting for him to sit up and say something...How I wish I could have gotten one of his lawn care shirts he was working on getting...I knew in my heart that Eric was in heaven and watching us.But what happened two months later is what really gave me peace of mind.

In August my friend Kristen and I were working a booth for my sister at the southern ky fair in Bowling Green. We were extremely bored with the whole thing and we were actually about to pack up things when this man approached our table. (bear with me as I try to explain this for all to understand)do you know how when you walk into a store to get only one thing and you know exactly where you are going so rush in and rush out with your mind focused on that one thing??? Well, that is how this man was. When he walked into the building he was starring straight at us with a smile on his face. As he walked through the doors until he reached our table he never stopped starring at us. This strange feeling came over me immediately... When he got to our table/booth he said "Hello,I was just wondering if I could leave some brochures on your table to help advertise my lawn care business" of course I said yes and so he said that he would bring them back tomorrow night. He then handed me his business card, shook my hand and said "thank you, Ashley" and walked away...I HAD NEVER MET THIS MAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!!(nor was I wearing a name tag) I stood there for the longest time (or at least it felt that way) just holding his card in my hands and wanting so bad to stop the man but I couldn't speak I was shocked...Then I looked down only to find the card to be a John Deere color with a golden angel printed on it playing the trumpet. I lost it...I began to cry..I just could not understand the small things that I kept thinking about..like, why would you have that printed on your "lawn care" business card? Why would you choose our booth to advertise on when you could have used the front tables closer to the entrance to get better views? I looked at Kristen cause she too had been handed the business card and she too was crying...We did not even pack up our table we just left. When I returned the next day anxiously awaiting the arrival of this man so I could ask questions I soon learned that I would have lots of unanswered questions....HE NEVER RETURNED...

Now I am sure some of you are probably thinking no big deal just a fluke thing. And that is fine you can believe what ever you like and I will continue to believe that this was meant to happen for a reason. I got peace in my heart that night....I tucked that business card away into my boxes full of memories and decided that I would never EVER let it be lost. While discussing this on facebook the other day Laurie told me that I had never shared this story with her nor had I ever showed her the card...which is very strange..so I scanned it in today and emailed it to her, along with a poem I wrote one day while sitting at the gravesite. (I did that a lot the weeks following his death).

Please DO NOT try calling the number on this card...lol...I do not want to know if it is real or not...I want it left the way it is so I can always have that peace in my heart....I believe it was Eric's way to tell me "hey fivel" (which was his nick name for me, it use to make me sooo mad...lol) I am where I need to be and I will always be in your heart....

Answers!

2010-03-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

I am still searching inside myself for all the answers! This weekend was a bit over whelming for me. I am not even sure why becasue it was a great weekend, but I found myself pushing God away all weekend. Isn't it funny because I spent all weekend in a church. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more. I often wonder if I am praying the correct way? Is there a wrong or right way to pray? I want so much to be a part of something but yet I can not quiet make myself join..Does that make sense? I have unfortunately suffered with depression since I was probably 15 years old. I find it a bit stupid (for lack of better words) because REALLY what do I have to be so darn depressed about? But I get in these ruts where one day I am great and the next day all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I wonder why it affets me like this? I wonder why I have to suffer with this? I have healthy beautiful kids a great husband whom I might add God has blessed beyond words. A WONDERFUL job and most importantly I know I have GOd in my heart. But yet I still struggle with happiness....I don't want to anymore, I do not want this to be passed on through my girls cause I definetly never want them to have to feel this way.

Some days my girls face is the ONLY thing that keeps me going and not laying back down in the bed and crying all day...

On the outside I am a seemingly normal happy person but on the inside I have sooo many unanswered questions about life, God, family, and I think that is what brings me down some days. I told Chad yesterday that I want to be ableto understand the Bible better. If I am called to help people then maybe my calling is bringing people to the Lord? But shouldn't that be what we ALL do. I need a friend to do this with. I need somebody that I can ask questions to and get the right answers and scripture to back it up. What I wouldn't give for someone to care enough to come to my house and sit with me and explain. I can not learn the Bible like I need to in a class room setting.

I know today is going to be a better day which means this week will be great as well. I have had a GREAT morning do far.

I just often need to get on here and ramble so for those of you just now reading don't get scared away....I just often feel confused....lol :)

PRESS ON!

2010-03-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

This song says so much without me even typing a message with it. I am a music NUT...I am so inspired by music and when I find a good song that really has a great meaning I like to share it. I LOVE this group and their cd has been playing in my car non stop all week. I am sure as I am driving down the road with my hand raised in the air praising God people driving by probably think I am nuts...but that is okay I could only wish they could be in my car feeling what I feel at that very moment...I am very very proud to be that girl!

IN LOVING MEMORY OF TIFFANY!

2010-02-21T18:16:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today I lost a great friend to a horrible diease called Bechets. Tiffany struggled for far to long with this illness. Though life kept us a part for way to long I thank God for bringing us back together towards the end of Tiffany's life. Though she was in such horrible pain and dealing with her own battles daily, she was always trying to help me find my place with the Lord. I could have never asked for better friend than Tiffany. I miss her everyday BUT I know we will meet again someday.

Soon we'll come to the end of life's journey
And perhaps we'll never meet anymore
Til we gather in Heaven's bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore

if we never meet again this side of heaven
as we struggle through this world and it's strife
there's another meeting place somewhere in heaven
by the beautiful river of life

where the charming roses bloom forever
and separations come no more
if we never meet again this side of heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore

LOVIN MY BABY!

2010-02-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

It really doesn't get any better than this...The first picture is of course Tarryn representing her Vday outfit...I have taken a vow to ALWAYS have a hair bow on her head as long as she will allow me to (Peyton would never let me put a bow on her) Poor Tarryn is getting all of them...lol..The next picture is Tarryn asleep in walker and the last picture was taken while I was sitting on the couch Peyton pushed Tarryn over in front of the tv and that is what I saw when I first looked up..I mean really look at that cute little round head that you can barely see HE HE HE !!! I love it I cracked up I thought it looked like a little ole' man sitting there. She is such a big girl hard to believe she is only 2 months old!

When Daddy's away!

2010-02-11T19:42:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THESE TWO little girls...They have changed my life in so many ways. Since Chad has been gone this week Peyton has been snuggling with me at night in our bed and I have to admit I have LOVED it..When I came in tonight and Peyton had the princess mask over her eyes I died laughing...She really is a princess...lol. THen I look over at Tarryn laying in her bassinet I just melted...THANK YOU GOD for this amazing gift you have given me...The gift of motherhood...NO other gift will EVER be better...

The Eyes

2010-02-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

When I look into her eyes I see a very smart, loving, caring and curious kid. I see me and of course I see Chad. I see the baby that I held in my arms six years ago. I see my first born baby growing up into an incredible little girl. I see a girl who is on fire to learn EVERYTHING and ANYTHING...I see the future and pray that she follows God all of her life. I see the girl who will eventually graduate High School and college and get married and have a family of own. I see my life in her eyes ONLY BETTER... But most of all I see in her eyes is LOVE...She loves me for me. No matter what I wear or how I look or how mad I make her she loves me unconditional. And guess what? I love her unconditional as well. I hope that I can always guide her in the right direction and allow her to live the life of Gods child.Sometimes its just good to look into the eyes of your child. No matter how old she is in pictures when I look into her eyes I see the same little girl staring back at me. I AM TRULY BLESSED

Newborn pics by Laurie Keen

2010-01-21T06:54:00.000-08:00

Thanks soooo much to Laurie Keen for taking these WONDERFUL pics of my precious little girls...God is so good to me and my family...

Understanding.... the world!

2010-01-15T10:37:00.000-08:00

At what point will we as "human beings" start helping people all the time and not only when there is a crisis? Don't get me wrong I am all about helping the people of Haiti but why do we need to send them so much money when we don't have it to send? And we have known for MANY MANY years that they have been living well below the poverty level and have we bothered to send them money to help them? NO!!! So now because we are seeing such sad photos and we see the devastation that has been cause we want to help...Why didn't we think about helping this poverty sticken area before a major catastrophy happened? I am not quite sure I understand that. Not only that but we have SOOOO much poverty right here in our own area why are we not putting that much money towards helping out all of them? When Katrina hit it was the same scenerio, that area was soooo poverty stricken from the beginning most of the people didn't have the ability to get out wether it be because they didn't have the money or because they didn't have transportation. If we had put forth billions of dollars to these people years ago maybe it would have changed the way they lived..Now don't get me wrong I know that not everybody is honest and good and some people will not take the help offered to them and use it in a way that needs to be used. But on the flip side to that there are a lot of people who WOULD... I pray for peace and help and comfort for the people of Haiti...I could not imagine the devastation that they are facing. I have a hard time watching the news because it breaks my heart. That earth quake could have soooo easily happened right here at home...

PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!

2010-01-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

He is never to late, He is never to early, He is ALWAYS right on time....I have heard this so many times before but never really put much thought to it....until now. We got a call on Christmas eve morning from our good friend Lorie Bates saying she wanted to talk to Chad and I and wanted to meet with us, so we met up at farmboy that morning for some breakfast. When we all set down together I knew that Lorie was excited about telling us good news because of her smile that would not go off her face...lol... She told Chad that Doug Odle was retiring from Ressurrection Bound and that they were possibly interested in Chad stepping in!! Chad's mouth dropped..that was the last thing he was expecting her to tell him. He thought that maybe Lorie had got a few leads on places for him and her to start singing at. He really didn't even know what to say. After the week that we were having then it was WONDERFUL to hear some good news. Chad and Lorie were already scheduled to go with Ressurrection Bound on New Year's eve and sing a few of the songs they sang together. After a few conversations with the other people in the group and then New Years went by great, we really enjoyed our night with Ressurrection Bound. Chad had his "try out" with them on Sunday after church and after that we are now very very pleased to be able to announce that he is now part of Ressurrection Bound! THANK YOU GOD!!

For some people this may not seem like a lot...But to us is a LONG AWAITED prayer being answered. It's not about the fame or fortune of singing in a group...IT'S ABOUT SINGING FOR GOD!! Chad has said soooo many times "If I could just get the opportunity to sing for God in a group that would be the only payment I would want" There is no money involved in this venture which really makes it that much better. God has given to us time and time again and without his love over the years Chad and I could very easily be in some bad situations..But because he NEVER gave up on us...He knew there was something in us and he basically polished us until we shined. It's funny how when everything around you seems to be falling apart something soooo wonderful pulls you through to the light at the end of the tunnel.. I am VERY excited about being apart of this journey with Chad, God really knew what he was doing 10 years ago when he brought Chad out of the army and home to me...Even when I wanted to give up and stop pushing on I continued to love him and we grew as Christians together and there is no other marriage to be in then the one where you are both believer's in God's work...

Please continue to pray for us and this new adventure we will be starting together...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

Every year at this time I love remembering back to the days when I still lived at home and me and my brother Robbie would get ready to camp out in his bedroom and wait on Santa. We would lay there at night and talk about what Santa was going to bring us (well I would and he would tell me to hush so he could sleep) LOL...I loved the feeling I got at the pit of my stomach when I just knew I was hearing Santa's sleigh land on the roof. To this day I really think that maybe mom and Dale would go out side and throw stuff on the roof just so we would hear him that is how vividly I remember hearing the sleigh and bells..THIS IS WHY I STILL BELIEVE!! I love remembering that every year I would always have to go to the bathroom at about 2 or 3 in the morning. Despite the fact that Robbie threatened my life each year that if I went out side the bedroom and peeked in the living room he would KILL ME!! So every year I would have to wake him up and he would walk me to the bathroom with his hands over my eyes and then he would push me in the bathroom and wait outside the door for me to come out. Looking back at this now I know Robbie was probably scoping out the living room and looking at everything Santa brought us...When I would come out of the bathroom he would again cover my eyes and we would head back to the room and go to sleep (well he would I never did I was to excited)...I love remembering back to those days. I can not wait for Peyton and Tarryn to get to the age where they can do the same things and they will be able to have traditions they do every year. I love the thought of my girls snuggling up together and anxiously awaiting Santa's arrival.
This being Tarryn's first Christmas I know she will not remember it but I am SOOO excited for the morning to get here so we can celebrate as a family...

I hope that each of you have WONDERFUL childhood Christmas memories that you too will cherish forever...HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! REMEMBER THE REAL REASON WE ARE CELEBRATING!!

Family conversations !

2009-12-18T18:52:00.000-08:00

Well Tarryn has been blessing our lives now for 18 days. She is such a GREAT baby. She eats about 4oz every 4 hours. Actually the last day or two she has been needing more so she has ate about 6oz a few times a day. She is a little piggy. She is growing like crazy. When I took her for her two week check up Monday she weighed 9lbs 2oz and was already 23 inches long. She is a growing girl. Not very many know this but Chad went for vasectomy today. I have ALWAYS known that he was going to be doing this after our second baby but I guess I am just a little saddened by it. The thought every never seeing or feeling the way I feel the moment that my baby is laid on my chest makes me sad. I know that I really do not want any more kids and after being so miserable during this pregnancy and then after the postpartum I feel I know that it is not a good idea for me to bring that upon myself time and time again. My hats off to the parents that can have more and more but that is just not for me. I will cherish the two that God gave me. I was lucky to get two out of Chad he always feared that he would never be able to love another one as much as he loves Peyton but I knew that would not be the case.
Peyton has asked a ton of question about "daddy's surgery" lol...so finally Chad was like ok Peyton Daddy had surgery so that we can not have anymore babies!! She said OHHHHH!!! and then got real quiet and said "but mommy has the babies"????? LOL...I quickly looked at Chad and said ok enough explaining....Then she started asking about breast feeding.....ONLY PEYTON...She asked me why I didnt breast feed Tarryn I said mommy just didn't want to. She said "did you breast feed me?" I said "I tried", she said "I didn't like it did I?" I said "No I don't guess so." then about ten minutes later after she had pondered our conversation she says "gross why would anybody want a boob in their mouth" OMG!!!! I nearly laughed out loud...I just shook my head and left it at that. I can not say anything else to her cause the conversation would just keep going and by the time we were done I would be in tears...lol..she never ceases to amaze me with her thoughts..

But then again after all that funny stuff Chad asked her what she liked most about christmas and she said "Celebrating Jesus' birthday" AMEN SISTER....THANK YOU GOD FOR YOU EVER LASTING LOVE!!!

Until Next time I hope you all have a WONDERFUL CHIRSTMAS!

Tarryn Rae Bridges.....

2009-12-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

Well I am a little late on posting but I have just been trying to get back into a routine..It has been hard to do that. I have a long way to go before I am back to normal again.

Tarryn Rae Bridges was born on Decemeber 1, 2009 she weighed 8lbs 10oz and was 21.5 inches long. She came out screaming her little head off. I do not believe she was ready to make her debut yet

Peyton was sooooo excited and she is such a loving big sister. It was a very different week for her, she has never stayed all night with people not even her grandparents but maybe one night in her 6 years of life but she had to stay with her mammaw Fazel for like 3 days in a row and that was just a big change for her then she didnt want to leave her sister at the hospital so she would cry when she had to leave. Bless her heart it was just a lot to take in all at once..

I can not praise God enough for giving us yet another wonderful gift of life..Tarryn is perfect in every way. I just sit and stare at her, it's so hard to believe that I could grow something so absolutly amazing in my belly in just 9 months. I am blessed beyeond belief. It has been a lot to take in and I have been a bit overwhelmed at times I never realized how much of difference having two kids would be. I do not know how people can have a lot of kids and stay sane. lol... Dont' get me wrong I love my Peyton and Tarryn more than anything in this world but it is just different with two. Post partum is always the worse. I am not one of these superwomans who can give birth and never miss a beat. I go through ALL the emotions and night time seems to be worse. I am going to try to sleep in my bed tonight with Tarryn in the bassinet beside me she has not liked it to much but I have her asleep in it now so I am hoping being in my own bed will help me out. I know the hormones will be over soon and I will not always feel so blah but I just pray to God that I get back to normal soon...I will post again soon..

My Husband the charmer!!!

2009-11-23T11:50:00.000-08:00

Chad and I were sitting in the living room last night watching the Bears play another depressing game and a very sweet commerical came on. This guy was standing outside in the snow in front of the window of the house and the woman was inside they were doing that whole googlie eye thing and he draws a heart in the fog on the window and then drops down a very pretty necklace out of his hand and it dangles down in front of him for her to see. She (of course) is all surprised and happy acting and I say to Chad "awwww how sweet that is" Now let me just make this sound better by saying that Chad use to be really sweet and romantic about hmmmmm huh 9 years ago when we were dating. Unfortunately he just doesn't get into it much anymore..lol...Which is fine I don't need all that mushy stuff. So the commercial goes off and I am about half asleep in the recliner when he says "Ashley" I look over at him and he hands me this piece of TOILET PAPER, YES THAT IS RIGHT I SAID TOILET PAPER....and on it he had drawn a heart on it and handed it to me....SERIOUSLY I JUST LAUGHED AT HIM AND then said thank you honey you have just given me something to write on my blog about...LOL!! What a charmer he is...I guess it was just a good thing it wasn't like used toilet paper...lol...
Regardless I still love him and I am so glad that I got a picture of it for you all to see.. ENJOY !!

we are all equal

2009-11-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

I am struggling, I am struggling with people.Does that make sense? I have a VERY hard time dealing with people who pretend to people they are not. I have always been the person who stands up for what I believe in even when it got me into trouble, only because I would take it to far. I will always be the same person I am at home that I am at church, work, grocery store, etc. I'll just be honest with you if you stand outside my house and peek through my windows you will see me in my moo moo nighty (even if it's 3pm), you will probably hear Chad and I picking on each other about something, or you will hear the Karaoke machine on and Chad singing his heart out. And nine times out of ten if you peek through our window Peyton will be running around in some crazy dress up outfit with her high heels carrying around one of her many baby dolls. We are the normal typical family. We have over come MANY MANY hurdles in our 9 years together to get to where we are. We use to not have the faith of Jesus in our lives. We did what we wanted when we wanted it and we said what we wanted when we wanted which usually ended up in some pretty stupid arguments in front of Peyton when she was a baby. It took a long time for God to really sink into our lives and stay. And I will admit that some days it is VERY hard to keep faith. But I do (we do). We may get knocked down over the years and yes it hurts but we find a way to get up and carry on. If it means moving onto to better places then we shall do that. But we have learned that God will place us in all the right spots at the right time. He is never to early or never to late but he is always right on time. Sometimes I have to stop and slow down and realize this myself. I am not a person who likes to wait on things so this sometimes is my biggest down fall.

We are a family who has its daily struggles but we still put our pants on one leg at time like the rest of the world. God sees all things and sometimes in small towns I just have to overlook the people who think they can put their pants on both legs at a time (standing that is for all your smart butts..lol)

BABY UPDATE!

2009-11-05T11:42:00.000-08:00

I went to the Dr. today I was dialated a whole "1" whooohooo..Can you sense my sarcasim? But really though that is better than nothing.This past week I had been having some pretty strong contractions when I was really active so I guess I just need to walk and walk and maybe that will be help her out. I can not wait to see her little face...I know with the first born its always so exciting and I have to admit it is jsut as exciting with the second one. I can't wait to see if she looks like Peyton did, I can't wait to see Peyton's face light up when she is helping us out and holding her sister, and most importantly I can not wait to watch them grow together as sisters. My sister and I are 8 years apart in age and when we were younger we were not very close. I lot of that had to do with parents divorcing and us moving 5 hours from each other. But once we both got to the age where we could travel and see one another then we have been BEST FRIENDS since. Not that I haven't always loved my sister it was just harder to be close to one another so far away. Now I wouldn't know what to do with out her. I can not wait to watch Peyton and Tarryn grow together. It will be so fun. I am REALLY REALLY excited about having time off from work...LOL..isn't that awful? I am just excited that it is falling around the holidays so if all goes well I will be home after Thanksgiving through the first two weeks of January. WHOOOOHOOOO...I can not wait!!! LOL...Plus I will be able to take Tarryn with me to work when I go back so that is going to help out TREMENDOUSLY....God has truly blessed us with wonderful things and I thank him for placing everything in the right spot for us!!! So now I go back every week my next appt is Nov.12th so I will update again then...

UNTIL NEXT TIME

Understanding....

2009-10-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be the peace maker anymore. I am tired of Chad and I getting fingers pointed at us and things blamed on us when we have done nothing but try to keep peace. We are not young kids living together like we were 10 years ago. We are married, parents, and christians trying to live our lives for us and our children. We get up EVERY morning and work so we can provide for our family. That is how it will always be. We live in OUR own house, pay OUR own bills, and we do not need ANYBODY else raising our children they are OUR kids and we have the right to have them around the people we feel they can be around, and to NOT have them around the people that we do not feel they can be around. WE ARE THE PARENTS WE HAVE THAT RIGHT. I have never wanted to just say bye bye to anyone more in my life than I do now. That may sound awful but it's the truth. And to think if I was not trying to be the peace maker and give everyone the benefit of the doubt we would not be in this situation now. I should have just gone the rest of my life not caring if these people were in our life or not. I have never in all my life felt more sorry for my husband than I do now. I pray that God is truly in his heart and comforts him from the pain I know he feels but will not admit to. The sad thing is I know it's not over, it's an ongoing battle that is been fighting in his family for YEARS AND YEARS and no matter what I say or do to help it will not change who these people are. The part I hate the most is no matter how hard I try to not let Peyton get hurt by separating family members it is eventually going to happen. Maybe not today or next year or in 5 years but one day she will be hurt like we hurt over the people in her own family. I hate that she is sucked into this warp right a long with us and I pray that God keeps her heart strong from hurting as the years pass her by. I just have to come to terms with the fact that these are mental conditions that can not be changed or made better no matter how hard we try to make to these people understand.

I ask God to forgive me for the things I said that were out of line I let my mouth and emotions get carried away before I thought the right words out to say. Please God lead me in the right direction and show me the right way to handle things that clearly go against what I believe in...

Peyton is 6

2009-10-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

Here is a my baby girl 6 years ago today, and here is my baby girl today .....MY MY MY...how time flies by. I miss holding her in my arms and kissing her sweet fat cheeks. I was so blessed with a perfect little girl and I still feel very very blessed at how perfect she is today. I LOVE YOU PEYTON LEEANN BRIDGES...YOU ARE MOMMY'S ANGEL ALWAYS!!

Future Miss.Kentucky

2009-10-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

There is no way for me to even explain this photo..If you know my family well enough you know that we have MANY MANY photos (or home videos) from our childhood that have and will continue to stay around and haunt us FOREVER...Well this is one that my neice Bayleigh will just have to realize at a young age that it is going to haunt her FOREVER....LOL!!! I would normally not post some of these embarassing photos but since she is a child and will not be on here looking I think I am safe. I have one of my sister in a group family photo that I WOULD LOVE to post but I fear for my life when even mentioning it...LOL!!

NOW THE STORY BEHIND THE PICTURE: Miss Kentucky came to Bayleigh's school yesterday and she took pictures with all the students...She even as you notice let them wear the crown on their head...Well as you can see my beautiful little niece Bayleigh COULD HAVE CARED LESS about Miss Kentucky or about the stupid crown...Her face says it all. And how they caught her in this position at the PERFECT time is AMAZING...But by gosh I am so glad they did...I have laughed until I have cried over this picture...I just hope that my niece never hates me for posting this...she need not worry though because I am thinking that maybe I will start posting embarrassing pictures of EVERYBODY on my blog....LOL...FRIENDS AND FAMILY BEWARE....

UNTIL NEXT TIME

The Train ....

2009-10-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

This may be weird to some....But I LOVE the sound of trains! Since I work across the rail road tracks I usually once or twice a week get caught by the train. This morning as I was coming back to my office from the post office I saw the rails going down at the train tracks ahead and unlike other people I got excited...lol...I love that relaxing 5 mintues (that feels like longer) to roll my window down and feel the beauty of the morning and the sound of the train whistle and then just hearing it go along the tracks. I know strange huh? I am sure all the people who live by the train track would shoot me for even thinking that it's soothing. I have never been like fascinated with trains or a collector of them but I LOVE that few minutes that I get to stop and listen to the pattern of the train race along the tracks. This morning I was listening to Jason Crabb's new c.d (as I do EVERY morning) and it was just so uplifting to hear his voice and the sound of the train and the cool wind blowing in my windows. Thank you God for giving me this day and every other day you have give me and will continue to give me.

PRAISE GOD!

2009-10-13T16:36:00.000-07:00

I know that God is always in control...Peyton had the entire mole and area around the mole removed from the side of her foot a week ago and by God's amazing grace there was no mellanoma detected. I have never been so happy. I know that to some it may have been a mild thing but to me and my family it was a huge deal. I was not prepared to worry for the rest of my life about that one mole that changed the way we lived our lives. Now granted I am still going to go put lots of sunscreen on her during the summer and I will be watching her much closer since she is more prone to getting this in her moles. I just really thank God for ALL he has and will continue to do for my family..

Chad and I have come from living in a camper trailer with nothing to having great jobs, a wonderful family and two amazing daughters (one we will meet soon, though we know she will be amazing as well) and God's love which is most important. It took us A LONG time to realize just how great he was in our lives and I am so thankful that we BOTH have seen it first hand. Chad has gone through so much change (for the better) in the last 5 years that you wouldn't even believe me if I told you. He put his faith in God and allowed him to come into his life and we he did he had to let a lot of things go, things I really didn't think he could ever let go but he did and since then he has been a better man.

I can not wait until Tarryn gets here so we can start this next chapter in our life...I am excited and scared to death all at once, LOL....

Until Next time

Updates

2009-10-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago I decided to make an appt for Peyton to see a dermatologist about the bumps on her elbow. While I was there Chad reminded me to ask the Dr about the little mole or spot on the side of Peyton's foot. When I showed it to the Dr he asked me if it had grown or changed colors which it had, so they decided to cut it out then and send it off. I got a call from the Dr on Wednesday of last week telling me that they had sent the mole off to a Dr in Harvard and the results had come back that it was forming melanoma. So today I have to take her back to the Dr for them to cut a little more to make sure they got it all and then she will have to go for check ups every six months from here on out. He said had we left it on there it would have killed her in 5 years...then he tells me not to worry though...HUH OK!! She is now at very high risk for this to form in other moles. It's weird though because those of you who know her know that she has the best skin tone ever. She has never burnt while out in the sun or anything so therefore she has never wore sunscreen.....UNTIL NOW!! We will have to make sure she has that on now. It is really just scary to think that if I had never done anything about it what might have happened. I just thank God that we made an effort to have it looked at. Please just keep us in your prayers, I am sure everything will be fine and with the wonderful people we go to church with praying for us it helps tremendously.

On a better note I do not go back to the baby doctor until the 21st I will 34 weeks when I go....I CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET MY BABY GIRL!!! Everybody is having their babies and it just makes me so excited to meet Tarryn Rae.

I have a busy month this month, Chad will be singing at a revival this saturday night so that will be exciting I think he is nervous but I know as long as he continues to let God be in control he will be fine. I have dentist appt's next week and then the weekend of the 24th I will be having Peyton's tea party bday and then Sunday the 25th she will be getting baptized and then at 2 is my baby shower...SHEEEEWWWWW lots of stuff that weekend. But I am looking forward to it my family will be in and will be able to enjoy the weekend with us.

Until Next time

OUR SONG

2009-09-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

It will be 9 years this October that Chad and I started dating! Hard to believe that time has passed by so quickly.I have told the wonderful love story of how we got together and how I always said I would marry him so I wont bore you with that story again. But as I was driving to work this morning I decided to start going through all the cd's in my case some have been in there since high school. I have a lot of mixed cd's that do not have a title on them so I always like popping those in and being surprised by what is on them. I put the first one in and as I listened to the songs I began to smile. It was the OLD Kenny Chesney cd that Chad and I listened to over and over again when we first started dating. I can still hear him changing the words around in some of the songs so it would say stuff that related to us. He was always doing that. But there is one song that I will NEVER forget and that is "You had me from hello" The first time I ever heard Chad sing this song my heart melted, and from then on it became "OUR" song. He sang this to me our wedding and several times since then but I have to admit it's been a while since I have heard him sing it so when I heard it this morning I got so happy... :) I of course think I have the greatest husband ever and I had to share this song with you. Maybe I can get Chad singing it and post it on here one day.. And I have to admit He really did have me from Hello if though I was 11 yrs old I new he was the one I would marry someday. And through all the years and his life in the Army, I was able to finally marry my best friend and we have been married for 7 wonderful never dull years!!!

I LOVE YOU CHAD!

REBORN!!

2009-09-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

I really thought there would be no greater feeling than the feeling I felt the very first time I held Peyton in my arms! Last night I got to experience her be born again so to speak as she asked Jesus to come into her life and be saved!! She has been asking questions about this for a long time now and she has been telling me for a while that she wanted Jesus in heart forever. Chad and I would talk to her and ask her questions to make sure she knew what she was doing and that she wasn't just doing it because everyone else was. We talked to Bro. Gary about her several times and he told us a few things to ask her and say to her and so I have been prepared since then for her to ask me again. So last night during our WONDERFUL revival she looks up at me with her tear filled eyes and says "Mom I feel Jesus touching me!" We talked for a minute before I went to the altar with her and explained again and she said "MOM I KNOW I AM READY TO HAVE JESUS IN MY LIFE" So we went hand in hand an stepped into her NEW LIFE TOGETHER!!! I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD OF HER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW!! She knew exactly what she was doing and she was ready to have Jesus in her life forever!

Life changing is almost not even enough to explain the way this Revival has taken over my life. Tonight will be night 24 of Belmont's revival and I can honestly say I have never felt anything so remarkable in my LIFE!! God is in Butler County and he is bringing people out to our church to be saved. I hope it NEVER ends. Chad has been singing a few songs a few different nights and the way God is working in his life is unbelievable. I can see Chad growing in GOD'S love EVERYDAY!! I could not ask for a better husband and daughter than Chad and Peyton I thank GOD for them everyday!!

I am also more than proud of my little brother Ryan, he has lots of wonderful things coming in his young adult life and I am so glad that we had the wonderful loving parents that we have raising us up in a good christian family. I am anxious to see what God has in store for him in his life.

On another note I will 29 weeks pregnant on the 17th....WOW!! I can not believe that it is moving along so fast...I almost want it to slow down so I can enjoy it a bit but with me being as miserable as I have been I am glad I am where I am in this pregnancy... :) I have been getting more and more excited with every kick and roll I feel. She is a very active baby now a days. I can't wait to see her beautiful little face...

Until Next time...Keep us in your prayers as God continues to work in our lives!

REMEMBERING 9/11/01

2009-09-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news On September 11, 2001. Neither will I.

I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.'

I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the Peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK..I am ready to go.'

I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night.

I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said. 'Of course I will show you the way home - only believe in Me now.'

I was at the base of the building with the priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered.

I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their Faith has saved them.

I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan . I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news.
Did you sense Me?

I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew every name - though not all know Me.

Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor.

Some sought Me with their last breath.

Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take My hand.'

Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me. But, I was there.

I did not place you in the Tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me?

Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you. But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are 'ready to go.'

I will be in the stairwell of your final moments.

God

This was sent to me in an email and it really tugged at my heart. We have been having some great Revival at church and I am just so glad to know that I am saved and when it's time for me to go I will be in Heaven with all my family and friends who have been watching over me.

THANK YOU TO ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO RISK THEIR LIFE EVERYDAY TO KEEP US ALL SAFE!

The old Ford F150

2009-08-14T15:23:00.000-07:00

There are just some things that are hard to let go of. I never thought that selling a truck would be so hard. When Chad got out of the army in 2000 he drove home in is 1998 Ford F150 that he had put a lot of money into. It was his pride and joy at the time. When he came back to Morgantown it was the only one like it in town. Once I realized that he was driving it I could pick him out of any traffic. The old Ford took him through many good and bad times in his army life and then once he came home he shared the truck with me when we started dating my senior year of high school. We drove that truck EVERYWHERE!!! We would fit as many people as we could in it just to go out to Bowling Green. I remember me, Chad and Deanna driving home from Bowling Green one day and when we got to the Butler county line he pulled over, got out and told me to drive. I had NEVER driven a stick shift before so I quickly started freaking out. Deanna of course was laughing her butt off. To many surprise I made it all the way into Morgantown and then that is where I left the biggest longest black marks that truck had ever made at a stop light. Not on purpose though I got scared and gunned it and that was the outcome..I think Chad was jealous that I left those black marks and he didn't...LOL.. But because of Chad and that truck I learned to drive a stick shift that day.

That truck moved us to Ashland KY, Crossville Illinois, Evansville Indiana, Huntington West Virgina, and back to Morgantown KY. It has picked up many hitch hikers a long the way. It drove us home from our wedding day, drove us to our honeymoon, and most importantly it drove Peyton home from the Cabell Huntington WV hospital when she was born.

I can remember hearing Chad sing for the first time while we were driving down the road in his truck. I still remember the song and where were going.

It holds so many memories to our relationship that it is almost crazy. When Cahd decided that he needed to sell it I was heart broken, We had talked about it many times before but just couldn't bring ourselves to do it. Then he put it on ebay and sold it.. I was broken hearted. I really didn't think it would affect me but as silly as it may sound I was saddened.

While Driving home from work a few weeks ago(the day Chad sold his truck) I can remember passing it on the Natcher parkway watching someone else driving it home. I called Chad immediately and told him that I just saw our truck and he laughed. It was strange to see something that had been with us our WHOLE relationship driving away.

Now we have to make many more memories without the Ford truck in our life. To bad Tarryn will never get to see daddy's truck!!! LOL...

Emotions!

2009-07-31T06:40:00.000-07:00

So now that I am not so emotionally today I thought I would post about my crazy visit to the Doctor yesterday. Now keep in mind that I am already an emotional person anyway so on top of being pregnant does not help me out at all. When the doctor came into the room we talked for a few minutes about how I had been feeling then she pulls out the paperwork from my ultra sound and says "well everything looks great....except the brain area!!" HELLO, WHAT?? I was so stunned and in panic mode all the sudden that I didnt ask all the right answers. She said they were going to set me up for another ultrasound so they could get pictures of it. She also told me that they were not going to change my original due date of December 5th but the ultra sound read about 6 days earlier....!! Nice that puts it on mine and my sisters bday... SO anyway I leave and get in my car and call Chad and just started crying he kept asking me questions that I really didn't have any answers to. So I called my sister and explained it all to her and once she got me calmed down enough to listen she told me to call or go back up there and ask them the questions. Seeing as how my sister went through this five years ago with Bayleigh I was overly concerned anyway. So I finally calmed down and called back and asked her if there was something I needed to be concerned about, she said "Oh NO, honey we just didn't get any pictures of the brain area because the baby was to active and we need to get some pictures of it." ..........OMG!!!! why did she not jsut say it like that to begin with... Instead you send me into complete melt down and crazy mode over nothing!! I was a mess. I suddenly relaized exactly what my sister went through five years ago when there was something wrong with Bayleigh in the womb. Only they told her the baby wouldn't live outside the womb and it was in the 95th percential of being abnormal. But in reality when Bayleigh was born she was in perfect health....How can they get something like that soooo wrong... Now that Bayleigh is five there are some developmental issues that we are trying to figure out and she is going to the childrens hospital often for testing. But I have a beautiful, loving carefree 5 year old niece who they said would never live outside the womb...HELLO!!!

I am going to continue to pray for my baby to grow healthy for the next 18 weeks, I am also going to pray that God controls me in situations like that and allows me to calm down and ask questions before I get overly emotional...

What a day!!! I was so emotionally exhausted yesterday that I could hardly keep my eyes open.. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and Tarryn really started kicking and rolling last night about 9 pm. so I have a little night owl on my hands already!!!

IT'S A GIRL!!!

2009-07-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

Tarryn Rhea Bridges, due December 5th 2009....The ultrasound looked great and she was a wiggle butt...She flashed us within the first minute or two of the ultrasound. I have never really felt a lot of moves until yesterday and she was letting me know that she was there and didn't like us poking around on her. Peyton was sooooo excited. Her and my mom went with me since Chad couldn't leave work. So when we got in the car she called her daddy and told him. I think he was a little dissapointed since this is going to be our last baby. It would have been nice to be able to teach a little boy all the father son things. But he is such a wonderful loving father to Peyton I know that this little girl is going to be wrapped around his finger in no time. God has truly blessed us in so many ways and I give him all the glory for everything...

I am not going to get started on finishing the room and getting the bedding and all that stuff done. I love this part. I got my first little girl outfits from my boss and hiw wife today. They were so cute. My boss of three years will be leaving me to go to Arizonia to be closer to his kids and new grandbaby which is Due in January. I am very sad but I know I would do the same thing if it were me. So now that just means he and his wife Lety will have to be extra nice to me until they leave because I have been giving them a hard time about leaving me...LOL!!

I hope everyone enjoys there weekend!!

Rambling Rambling Rambling!!!

2009-07-22T11:41:00.000-07:00

I am that person who loves everyone for who they are not for what they look like or where they came from or the color of their skin. I have always for as long as I can remember been that person who will love you unconditionally, even if you hurt me I will forgive you and continue to love you unconditionally. I may not be the smartest person in the world, nor the most likey to make big bucks in my career but I really believe that my reward is seeing the changes that I can make in other peoples life. Everyday I go through struggles of my own that often hold me back from being that care free person that I know I am. I will just admit that I have been the black sheep of my family, it's not really a bad thing it's just the truth. I have always had different views on EVERYTHING compared to my mom, sister, and brothers. When I was younger I know that my mom struggled with me and my rebellious ways (yea that is right I said it) but for the most part I was always just fighting for what I knew was right. I was fighting for eqal opportunity. For the most part anyway, granted that wasn't all I got in trouble for during my school aged years but we will dust the other stuff under the rug for now. My mom never, and still to this day does not understand why I will not just keep my mouth shut when things don't go right and go with the flow. That is not me though, that may be how she handles her life and job and so on but as for me when I things are bing done incorrectly I am usually the first one to stand up and speak my mind about it. Now let me just stop there and say that sometimes I have spoken my mind on a whim and that has gotten me into trouble but of course not so much trouble that I couldn't get myself out of it. I struggled so much in High School because I had so much potential to change people's life but because of people knocking me down a long the way I choose the same path that several other people chose and did nothing during High School. I had everything I wanted in my teenage days but not everything I needed to keep me on the right path.

I wonder if at some point Jesus ever let the words of others affect him in a way where he choose the same road as everyone else? Or did he ALWAYS know he was the ONE?

I often play my life over and over in my head, why did I choose to quit basketball when I entered into High School?, Why did I date the stupid boy who turned my freshman year into a total madness, I could have done so much better? Why did I choose to get in the car with a drunk driver and risk my life? Why did I ride 4 wheelers like an idiot? Why did I befriend all the people that nobody else would?

I made a lot of stupid decisions in my life but I have to admit that they have made me the person that I am today. It is funny to me how age changes people. The things that I have done a million times as a teenager I would NEVER dare do know EVER...I am some what scared to ride on a 4 wheeler fast and if you know me very well then you know that I use to go places on 4wheelers that were just stupid. I am scared to drive fast, scared to say certain things. I am a believer that everything has a way of coming back to you. I do not want all that to come back to me in my children's life.

I guess I just needed to ramble on about nothing at all....

I guess I am just so thankful that I know God and that he lives strongly in my life. As a teen I didn't realize how important he would be in my life but God has been with me every step of my life and he knew where my life would end up regardless of all mistakes....He is a VERY forgiving GOD!!!

God is Great

2009-07-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been GREAT!! The weather has been unbelievable and I have been so relaxed. I went to church today and since then I have just been thinking about how great the service was. I am completly amazed with the young people in our church. They have so much love for God and they are not ashamed to show it. They actually inspire me in so many ways. The feeling I get when I watch all of them on Sunday's is just overwhelming. I grew up in a great church all my life, and I have to say there was only one time in my youth that I can remember feeling the inspiration and excitement that they do, and that is when Pete Wilson was the youth leader at our church. I was a little young then but I was old enough to understand his sermons and I was inspired by him at a young age. He was young and he knew exactly what needed to be done and at all the right times. He moved onto starting another church in the community and that church grew almost overnight. It was amazing. He is now in Nashville TN preaching at a church there and I have been so excited to be able to listen to his sermons and his thoughts thru the internet. He is one of those guys who has that voice that you never forget and same goes for his lovely wife Brandie. I just wish that I would have had more time with someone like him when I got a little older.
I love God and I am so thankful that my parents raised me in good christian home I only wish that I could be younger again so I too can be as active as these kids are. I now just have to be active in a different way as an adult.

On another note I go Thursday for my ultrasound.....I can not wait I hate waiting. I will update everyone as soon I find out the sex of the baby!

We are never "Lost" we are just "Misplaced"

2009-07-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

When Chad and I first started dating almost 10 years ago,(ouch that is hard to believe) he drove me to visit my sister and my dad in Ashland. We decided to do a little back road driving in the hills of W.V. and before long we found our self stopping at an old country store on a secluded road in the middle of the mountains of W.V. to find our way back... I can remember Chad saying "Huh, I hate to admit this but I need help" LOL!!! I was a little scared when we pulled into the parking lot where there was no cars or nobody around. He slowly walked into the store and in a matter of minutes he was walking out of the store, and to my surprise with a smile on his face. He got into the car and looked at me and said that his new saying is "You are never lost just Misplaced" He said that there was an old man in there (the owner of the old store) and When Chad told the man he was lost the man quickly corrected him and said "Son you are never lost just misplaced". We both thought that was a much better way to look at things, and we obviously made it back to my sisters house in one piece. After all these years have passed we have never really talked about that day until last night. We have been traveling all over Savannah GA and Chad quietly said "this is an easy town to get lost in" Even though we had a GPS it worried me for a moment and then he said "But Ashley remember, WE ARE NEVER LOST JUST MISPLACED" I smiled at him and we started talking our drive through W.V. that day almost 10 years ago...It is funny how somethings you just never forget.

We have had a great few days on this vacation. I have so far survived a boat road to see Dolphins,(that's right I said a boat ride aren't you proud of me?), swimming in the Ocean even though a baby shark was caught near were we swam, walking through a haunted Cemetery. And of course lots of other wonderful things... I love spending this time with Chad and Peyton and I know it will be a while before we are able to do this again. It will not be as easy with a baby.

Prayer

2009-07-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am stressed....I am beyond stressed, I hate it when I think everything is going to turn out just the way I planned and then one thing comes and screws the whole plan up. I am to the point to where I just want to stop what I am doing stand up, walk out, get in my car and DRIVE!! I don't want the stress of life anymore and I just wish I would have done things differently a long time ago.. But it's nobody's fault but my own so I have nobody to point the finger at but meyself....Which doesn't make it any easier. I am mad at people for good reasons but I then again I understand them too... But then I have so many good points to fire back at them, that I know they will not hold a chance to my arguments. But then again, who am I? I can be replaced in a minute, and when I am gone I will be replaced in a minute. I am trying REALLY hard not to overreact and I am trying REALLY hard to give it all to GOD but I can't get passed my worries and hurt and anger to just give it to him. I would love to be that person that can just do that with out problem. There is a plan for me, There is a reason why things happen and now here we go again waiting to see the plan that I soooo hate waiting on. I am tired of waiting on these things to happen.

Please pray for me and my family that the next several months will work out for the best and that God will provide for us in the areas we need help in... Please pray that I can overcome my emotions and be the good christian person that I know I am....

Happy Anniversary to Us

2009-07-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Chad and I celebrated 7 wonderful years of marriage....Though we didn't do anything special I still found myself looking at him and smiling like I did when we dated...I love him more than words could say. If not for his hard work and love for our family we could have very well turned down some dark roads. I can still remember the day we got married and everything that took place. It was a simple ceremony that was just perfect for us and if I could do it all over again (with him) I would not change a thing. In 7 years we have seen some pretty amazing things and we have grown in God's love which is the most important. We have a beautiful little girl who amazes us everyday. I can not wait to find out what this next baby is going to be. We leave Saturday to start our Vacation, we will be stopping at the incline railroad, rock city, and ruby falls and then on to Tibee Island GA. I think we are gonna have a great time. I am ready to spend sometime away from everyone... No offense everyone...lol...

Where has the time gone?

2009-06-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

Where has my precious little baby girl gone? Don't get me wrong she is still here and I still love her more than ever but she is growing up. I can not even lift her anymore. When I come home from work I tell her I need love and she crawls in my lap and I hold her and think about how many times I have held her in my arms and kissed her chubby cheeks.I am just sadden at the thought of my baby starting school. I already miss her. I never in a million years dreamed that I would have so much joy and love in my heart for someone until she arrived. God has blessed us everyday, year after year with a wonderful healthy little girl who lights up the room when she is in it. Though I never know what she is going to say I try hard to except that, that is just who she is. She is a lot like me, very emotional (not such a good thing)
she loves everyone, out spoken, and is always willing to help. She is a lot like her daddy when it comes to singing, and telling me that she does not like babies..LOL...to bad for her huh...LOL!! She is always asking questions and then really thinks about the answers we give her, which is why we have to be careful because even though she is 5 she will use our own answers against us. (another trait of her fathers) the little girl who once has long blonde curly hair now is a short brown haired little girl who thinks she can do EVERYTHING!! And for the most part I let her think that, I mean what is wrong with having those goals... I just thought I would share these pictures of her over the last 5 years.... She has changed quiet a bit though in all of them she looks just like her daddy!!!

And of course I wont forget me, here is a picture of me. (taken today) I am 15 weeks pregnant and I look like I could give birth at any minute...I mean really who is ever this big at 15 weeks pregnant...What was I thinking???? LOL!!!!

Judging

2009-06-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

Although Peyton brings me more joy than anything I could have ever hoped for in my life, there are 5 other little ones who give me joy that is right up there with that. Sadly I do not get to see my nieces and nephews as often as I would like. But they are always in my heart. The other day I met Miranda, my mom and Braxtan at McDonald's in BG (after Braxtan's big accident)I had gotten this big dinosaur thing a long time ago for Tristan but I have not been to see him since I got it. I didn't want to send it to him via my mom or Ryan because I wanted to of course get the credit for getting it for him..The look on his face when I came walking in with that thing was priceless, He smiled real big and we pushed the buttons and made it roar and then Tristan would roar. It was great I love getting him stuff like that. He is at the right age to spoil rotten. Of course Braxtan just looked at it like it was a huge monster...lol..
I wish that my sister lived closer to me so that I could wrap my arms around Bayleigh everyday and her and Peyton could play there little hearts out. Since she has been old enough to crawl everytime she saw me her little eyes just light up and she has always reached her arms out to me. Now that she is older she runs full force and jumps into my arms usually after a lot of playing with Peyton she will crawl up into my lap and just snuggle me. She gives the greatest kisses, and hugs that a niece could possible give her aunt. No matter what I am wearing or how my hair looks or how fat I may look Bayleigh only sees me!! I know that she see's the joy I have for her and I know that she see the love that I have for her. My sister has struggled over the last few years with her since there has been some significant delays in her development. She has been in and out of specialist and Dr's most of her life. Now at almost 5 years old she will go on June 23rd to the children's hospital to confirm what her family doctor has finally chosen to admit that Bayleigh is autistic. There are so many different forms of autism and I know that Bayleigh is a lot different than some kids who never communicate or anything. I had never known a lot about autism until Krista called me to tell me of this new diagnosis. I have done a lot of research and found that it felt like they were sitting in the house watching Bayleigh's every move and documenting it for all to see. She had SO many characteristics of autism that it was amazing... I know this was a very scary thing for my sister to hear about her baby, but in some ways it was a relief. All the years of struggling and fighting for her at daycares and headstart was over with. Now she had something to go from and move forward with getting the right kind of aides to help Bayleigh be able to learn like everyone else.

I know so many people judge other people by the way they look or by how smart they are or are not, or by how big or small. I can't help but think about Bayleigh a precious little girl who struggles everyday to communicate with the other kids at her daycare or to communicate with the teachers who so often get frustrated at her and think it is so much easier to call my sister and tell her that Bayleigh is sick rather than help her to communicate and learn. But I also think back at how EVERYTIME she sees me no matter how I look or act or smell for that matter, she is always there with her arms open wide waiting for me to scoop her up into my arms and love her and hug her. If only the rest of the world could see through the eyes of an autistic child maybe we would all take into consideration the trials that they face on a daily basis. Sometime we as adults judge people to often and we look past the person that God created and only judge what we see on the inside. God created us all differently and one day he will be waiting for us with his arms opend wide and with out judging us on our apperance he will gladly except us into Heaven for us to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. We must not judge people so quickly because you never know what joy they will bring you when you look a little deeper.

I know that God does not give you anything more than you can handle and although at times my sister thinks she can handle no more God pulls her back and sits her back up and tells her to keep on loving and caring for Bayleigh as she has done for nearly 5 years. God has a plan for Bayleigh and when he has a plan, what could possibly go wrong?

I love all my nieces and nephews I mean look at those pictures, how could you not love those kids... They are GREAT!!!

PEYTON MADE THE TOP 5 !!

2009-06-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

www.kingdomtwindom.blogspot.com

YAY!!!! Peyton is a finalist....Go check out her performance of Miley Cyrus "The Climb" and vote for her. I of course think she did a great job...And I called Chad and told him he got beat out by his daughter....HA HA HA HA!! We all already know he is talented so now it's just time to give Peyton the spotlight for a second.... LOL!! YOU GO PEYTON!!!

The Blogosphere's Got Talent

2009-06-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

So I just ran across this visiting Brandie Wilson's blog this morning so I thought I would put Chad and Peyton in it. I mean why not right? LOL... Spread the word!

here are the two videos I sent into them....LOL...I am a proud momma and wife..LOL!!

Learning from the Past

2009-06-01T10:00:00.001-07:00

I am sure I have posted this video before but there is a lot about this video that makes me so proud of my family past and present. It is so good to know that my family even from way back when put there trust in God. And because they choose to do that it has been a cycle that has not been broken in my family. Though I only have a few memories of my great grandparents they are all good ones. I am sure I ever heard my nanny ruth say a negative word to anybody. She was a very little petite woman who would rock in her squeaky rocking chair in the living room. Now that rocking chair sits at my moms house and when I sit in it, at times I feel like I am in a time machine. I can still see the house and I can smell the wood burning stove. I can see the HUGE register in the floor that would get extremely hot in the winter. I can remember her pink tiled bathroom that had a phone in it, I was always amazed by that as a kid. But the sad part is that is the only really clear memory I have of all my my cousins and us being together. I can remember having meals at their house and everyone being there. I can still taste her chicken and dumplings.

I really do learn a lot from the past. I learn that God will travel with you through generation after generation and he will never leave your side. You may lose family and friends along the way but God will be there to get you through it all. He will never leave your side and he will be your provider...

That is what gives me hope in knowing that:

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. Psalm 23:6

P.S. ~ I forgot to mention that this video is being narrated by my mom and these photos are ove my great grandparents and grandparents. JUST FYI!!! I love this video!

Busy week

2009-05-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

We have had a very busy week this week. On Saturday we went to Holiday world it was a very fun day and we were all wore out by the time we got home but we had a great time. Sunday was church and then we went to Bowling Green to shop for me some good ole maternity clothes. I did find a few things so I am glad for that. I am not looking forward to wearing these clothes for the next 6 months though. YUCK!! Monday we relaxed at the house all day and then went to moms for dinner. It was fun to hang out and peyton loves playin with her pawpaw. Tuesday I had to run the restore all day so it was a long day for me I didn't get home until about 6 that night.Yesterday was Peyton's playschool gradutation and she had a great time with that. I am posting pics of it. Last night we went to church and was there from 4:30 to 8:30 practicing for Peyton's play on and then eating and watching all the kids get there certificates from their class. I was wore out when I got home last night. I just crashed. Today Peyton has one of her old friends from her old daycare at her new daycare and she was thrilled to have another girl there her age to play with. Tonight we have out first tball practice and that should be fun. It is from 5:00 to 6:00 so that wont be to bad. Then Thank goodness for Friday tomorrow... I am ready to just veg out on the couch...LOL!!

I have lots of pics to post but I am just going to take a few and post them so I don't have a big long post... Hope all of you have a good week and weekend!!

Just updating

2009-05-22T07:15:00.000-07:00

I went to the dr. yesterday and if any of you have had kids then you know that the dr's visits are not always fun. To me the only one's that are fun are the one's wher you get ultra sound pics. LOL... But that is just part of the process..Going every month to the dr is just something I have to get use to again. I got to hear the heart beat so that was really cool..I had forgotten how cool it was to hear that for the first time. I still can not believe that I have a life growing inside me. It was so weird the first time and then now this time it's like wow I just can't wait to see if this is going to be anything like when I was pregnant with Peyton. Even though already it has not been. I was never sick with Peyton and this one I have been sick and just completly drained. He said that with my ultra sound pics I was about three days earlier than they first said, but he didn't change my due date so I am still set for December 5th. Chad was a little concerned because my birthday and my sister's birthday is November 30th so he told me I had to hold it in...LOL...I thought about smacking him :) It is going to be close though.

We are suppose to go to Holiday world Saturday I won tickets on the Beaver last week so we are going to take advantage of the tickets. It should be fun even if I am just going to be standing around. LOL...Peyton will have a GREAT time.. Sunday we will be at church and I may go shoppin around for some maternity clothes. I am off Monday so I am just going to enjoy my long weekend. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

A few thoughts...

2009-05-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

We baked cupcakes last week...And as you can see from the pictures Peyton only ate the batter...lol! Since we have been on diets for so long we have not made sweets in our house so Peyton was in heaven...lol.. I made 30 cupcakes for work picnic and they were delicious!!! Not a lot has been going on lately. Chad started his new job last week so that has been going well. He has been busy and a bit crazy all at once. go to the dr. this Thursday I will be almost 12 weeks pregnant when I go...I feel like it is creeping by, but I guess that is okay. It's my last one so I am trying to enjoy it. Even though I have been sick. I never was sick with Peyton so I now know how that feels...BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!! I will post more later. I really just haven't been in the mood to sit down and type here lately! I am trying to be better though! Peyton starts tball next week I am so excited I think she is going to have a great time. Here is hoping anyways!

Does Anybody Hear Her!

2009-05-07T07:18:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I had never watched the video to this song until today. I was sitting at my desk this morning and wanted to hear some Casting crowns so I got on youtube and just started listening to different songs. This was always one of my favorite songs. I knew what they were singing about but I don't think I ever REALLY knew some of the things they were singing about. Can anybody hear her. I really believe that as Christian people a lot of us (including myself) steer away from helping others who look like they are need for lack of not knowing what to say. I have learned over the last few months that it is a lot easier to talk to someone about God if you just allow yourself to let God lead you through. Working with Habitat I have heard a lot of crazy, sad, disturbing stories. I often just sit back and listen. But the other day I looked at the woman who was telling me her whole life story and I just simply asked her if she was attending church. When she responded with a simple No, I told her that once God was top priority in her life then all the other things that she was struggle with would fall into place. She looked at me with tear filled eyes and said "Yes, you are right" Enough said after that. That is all it took for that woman to know that she was deserving of God's love. I gave her my card and she left. Though I have not seen her since I can only hope that the simple words that i said to her that day will guide her into a church, and that the people in the church will not look at her and turn away but will welcome her with arms wide open!! It only takes a few seconds to share God's love with someone. Do you know somebody who is running in the wrong direction?

What a BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND!!

2009-04-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

What a BEAUTIFUL weekend.... I was determined to spend all weekend outside and for the most part of it I did. On Saturday we went to a cookout for James Elmore, he was diagnosed with throat cancer a few months back and though they are still trying different things on him they are telling him 9 months. It is crazy to me how cancer can hit you so quickly and take over your body. I pray for him and his family I know they are all praying for the best. When we left there we went home and decided to go to my moms and go fishing for a little while. I actually caught 2 fish so I was proud of myself. Then chad had a really big one on his pole but when I was trying to reel it in the 20 pound test line broke so it was gone before I could see what it was. Whatever it was, was big. Then we went home again and drove to Muhlenburg county and went to a few different places there and then came on home. Sunday we went to church and what a wonderful service. Sometimes we are not even able to get to the preaching for God runs the show and however he chooses the service to go is how it goes. It was a WONDERFUL service. We decided since it was so pretty we would go to Mammoth cave and eat and then hike. Boy was that fun...I just never realized how hot it was going to be but I felt like it was July out there. THAT TRAIL KICKED MY BUTT!! But it was enjoyable and I needed to walk a little anyway. We got home just in time to meet up with all the people going to the youth detention center for worship and what an amazing event that was. Bro Woody Moore sure does know how to preach it to those young people. He did a great job. Chad and Angie did a few songs and that was great too we had several young people stand up to get prayer and a few that got saved. Some of the stories in their life would just amaze you. When you think that you have or had it rough go to one of these services and hear about what some of these young people are facing everyday... I just pray that God wraps his arms around them all and that they walk with him forever...
When we got home last night I ate some fruit but startedto feel really sick so I just laid there really still and telling myself not to puke...LOL... I am still not feeling the greatest this morning but I know it is all for a good reason... I keep trying to tell myself that. I am posting a few pictures from our hike thought you may enjoy!! I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

BABY BRIDGES # 2

2009-04-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

Here is the first picture of our precious little baby. I know you can't really tell much. But if you are a parent you know how exciting it is to know that a little one is growing inside of you. I had forgotten how exciting it was to see that on the monitor and to see the hearbeat. It was WAY cool...I love this little one so much and I can't wait..Even though I have a LONG way to go..

Easter 2009

2009-04-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful Easter weekend. We were very busy with going to church for the Easter cantata. I have to admit that out of all the years we have been attending Belmont I had never seen it, so I was VERY VERY Happy at the GREAT job that EVERYONE did..I mean for people who NEVER have acted before in their life to be able to do such an amazing job not just once but three times in a row (and for the last 19 years) is just a BLESSING..I could have watched a hundred more times and it would have never gotten old. And to see the people getting saved was just AMAZING!! One of those being Chad's little siset Niki. She will be 13 this weekend so this was a hard step for her to take and I am VERY VERY proud of the young lady she is becoming everyday and trust me at 13 she hasn't always had it so easy..God will continue to do wonderful things in our life.
Peyton got a visit from the Easter bunny and got lots of goodies she was so happy, especially since I told that we were gonna have to let Koty (our german shepherd) after the Easter bunny since she wouldn't go to sleep...LOL...that is awful isn't it. But my biggest fear every year is that I will fall asleep on christmas and Easter and not wake up in time to put out all the stuff...I am truly NOT gifted in this secretive area like my parents were. I swear to this day even though I have to leave stuff out I still wake up on Christmas morning just waiting to see what Santa has brought...Much to my surprise it is usually NOTHING since I AM HIM!!! LOL..Oh well I still like feeling like a kid again.. It is so much fun...
I have really gone off topic here.......SHEEEEWWWW!!!

I am posting a few pictures from our weekend I hope that each of you had a wonderful
WEEKEND!!

I have peace

2009-04-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

As I listened to Bro Gary preach this morning I had one of those relieving moments. You know the ones, when you hear the truth and you just feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. I have feared death for so many years that I have not been living my life to the fullest. We are all here on this earth for a time then when our so called "number" is up it is our time to go. I have a VERY hard time dealing with the death of loved ones, it is not something that I have EVER been able to coupe with very well. And for me it's not that I just hurt for the few days during the wake and the funeral I hurt for weeks,months, and years..I often find myself in prayer asking God "why" as I am sure he gets that question a lot. But we will NEVER know why. I can remember when Eric died I would just wait for his name to come up on my cell phone "just one more time" that is all I wanted was for him to know exactly how much he meant to me. When Tiffany passed away I wanted just "ONE" more day. I wanted and still want to just take back all the cancellations of plans and I wanted to hear her calming voice, I want just one more email to finish our long in depth talks. But I can't I can not have ANY of that back...I can only wait until the day that I walk the streets of Gold to see them standing at the end waiting for me. Why would I be so scared all these years to have that waiting for me? I will be in a place of no more heart ache or pain and I will be with the one and only!!! That gives me peace in my heart!! I have to stop holding back in my life for fear of dying and I need to proceed with what God has for me here and continue to live my life for him. I never really understood the whole process until today. Like Bro Gary said I am scared of Cancer, and all the horrible things that get put upon us but I have peace in my heart in knowing that God is waiting for me a long with my many friends who watch me each day.

When I was going home from work on Thursday I got stopped by the funeral procession of Dustin Belcher and I just stopped turned off the radio turned off my cell phone and rolled my window down and prayed to God that Amy and the girls and Josh and Jonnica, Lloyd and Melissa and the rest of the family would make it through this horrible tragedy. The quietness in the air (in the middle of the town) was calming. Though I did not have a close relationship with Dustin personally I knew him in school and I know that he always knew how to keep us all laughing. And I have known Amy for a while and have always just loved her she is so sweet and I pray that she finds comfort in the days to come. I will continue to remember them all in my prayers. It is definitely going to be a long road ahead.

I am glad that Bro Gary preached this today I needed to hear it and I needed comfort in knowing that I will be okay, That no matter what God will always be there for me with his arms open wide. Thank you Bro Gary for a wonderful sermon today and every Sunday!!

LOOKING BACK!

2009-04-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

This morning I got onto my myspace to check my messages like I do every morning. But this morning when I logged on I was caught off guard by something I see everyday. I am not for sure why I noticed it today so much more than in the past but I did. My niece who is only 12 years old is an almost identical version of my when I was her age. Except I have to admit at 12 I was no where near as girly as she is. I started looking through her pictures on her myspace page and was just blown away at the thought that this little girl that i use to hold on my lap and hug every chance I got is now growning up into a beautiful young lady. Not only that, she is very smart and over all a good kid. I often wish that I could see my nieces and nephews on a daily basis but in this crazy real world life we all have to live I am unable to that. So everytime she posts pictures up on her myspace a piece of my heart breaks at the sight of this beautiful girl who is growing up right before our very eyes. I think about how fast time has passed to get us to this point, I can only imagine how quick the time is going to pass until I am sitting at her High School graduation. I am very very proud of they beautiful young lady she has become and I hope that she continues her teenage life to work hard. I LOVE YOU LINDSAY LOU!!

What do you all think? Do you think we look alike? :~)

THE DOLLHOUSE!!!

2009-03-30T19:30:00.001-07:00

Isn't it BEAUTIFUL!!! I have been working my butt of the las two days to get it all finished.. If you notice there are still some shingles that need to be put on the tower roof, we ran out of glue so Chad is going to finish that up tomorrow. But I was ready to show everyone how cute it looks. Now some of you will remember the before pictures (if not then just look back thru my posts) I was really concerned that I would NEVER complete this. But after a while guilt started to set in that she was not getting to play with this doll house. So I have been really working to get this done. She has to now get wallpaper if she wants...funny huh? and she needs to put in all her furniture. All the detail you see is done piece by piece...The shutters had to be hand painted and glued together and all those pretty decorative pieces had to be painted too and glued on. along with the window frames and the door and all the railings....I am just SOOO glad it's over...LOL...Peyton is very excited to start playing with it too.. I hope you all enjoy seeing the finished product.. Chad asked me if I was going to do another one if we had another girl, I told him that this will be passed down to our childrens, childrens children...lol...never again will I do this sort of project...It will be in our family for YEARS TO COME..lol...

I have been reading up on pregnancy on the internet because that is what women do when they get pregnant...lol..and it said that if you have already had one kid then odds are you will start showing at about 12 weeks...I alomst fell out of chair...I am not ready for all that business...LOL..Did anybody else who has had two or more kids show earlier the second time? I am not going to complain I am just simply going to enjoy it because it is my last... I can not wait for all the wonderful adventures ahead of us... SOOO exciting..

I have been thinking about Amy and the girls all day..I just pray that God eases their pain. I will continue to keep them in my prayers. Also I wanted to let Jonnica and Josh know that I am thinking and praying for them as well.

BABY TIME!!! AGAIN!!

2009-03-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

Well I guess since my husband announced it on facebook last night I have to announce it on here... I AM PREGNANT!! YAY ...I am very very excited,scared, and all that good stuff but God is blessing us EVERYDAY!! It is still really early so I am just praying that God keeps us strong and healthy...I have never had a baby in this area before so if you know of a good doctor you recommend please let me know I am lost..Peyton was born in WV and if I could go back to that dr for the next nine months I would he was WONDERFUL!! KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS!!! I will keep everyone updated!! Oh yeah and Peyton is not very happy...lol...She looked at me then at Chad and walked off...Then she started crying and said "I wanted to be the only princess" HA HA HA...She said this is "WEIRD" lol..Do you think I have raised a DRAMA QUEEN??

Happy Birthday Chad

2009-03-23T16:51:00.000-07:00

Today is Chad's birthday, though I know he will not read this I could not let the day go by without posting his picture on here and wishing him a Happy Birthday...Thanks to Melissa Johnson for the great Chicago Bears cake..I highly recommend her for any of your cake needs. It was delicious... We celebrated yesterday since I had to work today. He and Peyton decided to go fishing at the river...Funny though because they NEVER NEVER catch anything....LOL... Not a lot has been going on here lately. Things have been really good actually, it is funny how when you get back into church and realize the true meaning of God how things start changing for the god in your life. Bro Gary made a good comment for the last two sundays....He said "You are who you are when you are around people you don't know." How simple of a way to put it and how true it is...So I have really had that stuck into my head. I have said for a long time about how the only bad habit I have left in my life is my mouth...so I have been really trying hard to chill my mouth out..LOL..some of you know me well enough to know what I am talking about. And I have actually been doing rather well..And I have really thought about what he has said. If I can watch my mouth in front of strangers and in front of my boss then I should be able to control it all the time... I pray every night and thank God for giving me the strength to make it thru each day with out my foul mouth... He has had a job cut out for him...LOL ...LOL... But he has never let me down before so I know he is giving me the power to do so now... I hope you all have a great week and May God bless you all...

Catching up

2009-03-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a bit out of the norm for us. My BFF Tasha had been in town since Tuesday due to her dad being in the hospital. So of course Tasha being the person she is doesn't tell me this until Friday when I called her as I was leaving work. So I was VERY excited to see her and Devun and to meet her soon to be husband Steven. They came to our house Saturday morning and we spent most of the day printing envelopes for her wedding invitations. Which I enjoy that sort of stuff so I was fine with that. Peyton and Devun played and Peyton soon decided that she "loved" Devun and she was really going to miss him when the day had to be over. Then we decided to go to the Farm Boy and eat dinner and when we got there they were doing karaoke. It was nice to be able to hear and see that Locally. There is nothing really like that and it was fun. I had not heard Richie Ellis sing since high school and it was GREAT...He is a wonderful voice. Chad decided he would give it a try and did a good job on two songs and then we ate and I thought it would be fun to venture out to Deanna's new house and surprise her with Tasha. They had not seen each other since High School. So I walked into the house and made Deanna stay back and I brought in Devun and said do you know who's kid this is......LOL...She stood there for a minute and then said.....TASHA!!! So it was good to get to hang out and chat and of course get to play with the boys, Peyton was right in there with them. Chad was shooting those foam bullets at them and they were running wild thru the house..IT was fun though. Then we took Tasha back to her car and said our goodbye's and Tasha didn't want to let go :( But she is still in so I am hoping to see her for lunch before she goes back to Texas. I really don't realize how much I miss having her in my life until she is here and then has to leave again. Peyton cried herself to sleep that night cause she missed Devun (I know she is just like me) so we have decided to let them color or draw each other pictures and mail them to each other and even when they get older they will hopefully keep it up and be able to write letters to one another.I think it will be fun and they were both excited about it. Sunday was a WONDERFUL day at Belmont. God is truly working wonders in these young peoples hearts. I am AMAZED each Sunday by the number of youth that fill up the first three or four pews. And you never hear a peep and they are all paying attention. It is grea to see that God is working thru each and everyone of them. I know how hard teenage life can be but these kids have got a WONDERFUL thing going for them, it is exciting to see the changes in their life each Sunday. Chad did a new song this Sunday and it was very good. Of course I hear him sing a lot at home while practicing but I have to admit that everytime he sings at church God is pulling him through it...It sounds so pure and clear and I know Chad is moved EVERYTIME...To see what God is continuing to do in our lives is WONDERFUL.. We may not be the richest people in the world or wear the finest of clothes or have the greatest jobs but as long as we walk with Jesus we are richer than we could ever imagine to be. And some days that is all that keeps me going. I thank God for such a forgiving God. Today has been a long busy day we had the Executive Director of the KY Habiat down for meetings all morning and collecting information on our 14 acre "green" village that we are working on. It is soooo amazing and I can now feel that it is just right there for us to put the pieces together for us to have the "FIRST EVER" Habitat "Green" community..I am so excited and can not wait to see what lies ahead.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a great Monday so far.

Niki and Zak

2009-03-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

I am far from being a professional photographer and to be honest I don't think I would want to be because I would constantly be worried about how the pictures are going to turn out...But I LOVE to just take the kids out or family members out and take pictures of them for fun and just play around with them....I am kind of getting stuck on my editing part because I can't seem to figure out everything that I know I can do with editing...Oh well I am just having fun and teaching myself new things along the way...Photography is just a peaceful and fun thing that I enjoy doing...I took Niki and Zak to Rochester Dam yesterday and this is what I got. I thought I got some really good pictures of them..Hope you enjoy

I CAN SEE HIM WORKING IN OUR LIVES !

2009-03-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

I could definetly be that person.... I have felt better than I have felt in my life, I still worry way to much about things that are out of my control. But I am at ease. I know that God has my life in his hands, I know that he has me and he will guide me in the right direction. My only problem is that I can't wait....I am NOT a very patient person AT ALL so I am ready to hear God whisper in my ear and tell me what's next...lol...Yeah I know I am a nut. So I now just have to realize that I am going to have to wait and watch for him to tell me what to do next. I am excited about the person I can feel myself becoming. Last night Chad said to me that since he has been laid off for so long that he has started "thinking" about his life. He said that a lot of things that he has tucked away for years he has thought about in the last few months...He has thought about his childhood and his teen life and also about his adult life. He has traveled down MANY roads and God has only put him in situations that he knew Chad could pull out of. I was really quiet whil listening to him talk to me (cause Chad is not one to just open up) when he was done talking about all the things he has been thinking about I just simply said "But look at us, God has never left us astray." In our deepest darkest times he was always providing for us. When I got pregnant with Peyton we were scared to death. We were far from being parents. But God knew what he was doing when he gave us this wonderful gift...If not for Peyton coming and Changing who Chad was it is hard telling where we would be at. We talked about people in our life who's marriage is difficult and I realized that we have it pretty easy...Though we have been through some VERY trying times in our marriage we have never left each other's side...I know who Chad is and I accept him with all his flaws and he know's who I am and he accept me and all my flaws and we have grown from there. I know what to expect out of him and what NOT to expect out of him. And he will be the first one to admit that he is "hard" but it is only because of his childhood and how he was brought up that made him be the "hard" person that he is today.

When he sang Midnight Cry at church a few sunday's ago (because last sunday's rendition was not the greatest that he can do lol) He said he was a little nervous since it had been so long since he had sang. When he came back to sit with me after his (what I thought to be a powerful version) singing. He said "I almost passed out" and he was serious looking as ever.... and I just smiled and said "I don't think that was nerves or you about passing out, I think that was God moving through you." It is just amazing what I can see God doing in his life. Chad is a singer, now he is not that BEST in the world but he is good and he is never as happy as he is when he is singing for the Lord.... Please keep him in your prayers that God continues to work through Chad. I can feel GREAT things begining to happen....

I just wanted to ramble a little bit. I always loving having meaningful conversations with my husband and I especially like sharing my experiences with God...I pray that he hears my EVERY prayer...because I have been praying in the overload department.... LOL

I LOVE KIDS!!!

2009-03-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

There is no greater joy in the world than that of kids. I wish that I could see my nieces and nephews every day but unfortunately I am not able to. I could see Tristan and Braxtan more than what I do but it is sometimes just hard to get there and spend the time with them that I would like to. So when I do get to see them I am always very excited....When we went to NYC we stopped at my sisters house and stayed all night and I had said before how happy I was to get that kisses from Bayleigh and I she did give me the best ever....I just love her, she was so happy to see her AA. Her and Peyton played and played until finally I had to put them in separate beds so they would sleep, actually Peyton ended up sleeping with Heather and Laymond..lol!!
Since I was gone for a while it had been a while since I had got to see the McClintock boys so Friday afternoon we ventured out to hang with them...And I am always anxious to hear the stories of what Tristan has been doing. He is such a little character...I love him so much and he getting really good at ignoring me...LOL...Just like his daddy always did...Mammaw brought them bubbles so we let them sit on the porch and blow bubbles and they had a great time. So I have posted some pictures of them enjoying their time outside.. We have had a very relaxing and successful weekend. We got a lot of stuff done, including the painting of the dollhouse. THAT'S RIGHT!!!! It looks really good and I just have to put the porches on and the windows and door in and then I am done....YAY...I will post pictures of it soon...I think you will all be impressed!!! Hope you all have a great week..

Been there done that ....got a shirt and glad to be home

2009-03-06T19:51:00.000-08:00

I will at least say that I enjoyed myself. I was very glad to be able to go and experience New York City and say that I have been there. But I will thank God everyday that I am from my little small town and be grateful for what he has given to me...you couldn't pay me enough money to live there!! Now Washington DC or Chicago sure I would live at either of those places without a problem...New York city, NO WAY!!! It was very cool but I was just not impressed with anything at all....I enjoyed seeing everything but that is about it. It didn't help that it was 20 degrees and the winds were about 40 mph and there was 10 inches of snow on the ground either...It is really a dirty city...and expensive...not only to eat or buy things there but just to pay the tolls to get into the city. I am talking $8.00 just to go through the brooklyn battery tunnel!! it takes you under the Hudson river into NYC. Very cool but geeeshhh... When we got to our hotel on Sunday night we got checked in and got our stuff put away in just enough time for the snow to start falling...and when it came it didn't stop until morning..It was beautiful, it's not very often you get to see the ocean with the waves and snow on the ground...it was beautiful..I have attached a few pictures... I have a tendency of taking strange pictures...which would explain the coffee cups...We were at a stop sign and all these coffee cups from starbucks were just lined up on top of the fence post..I thought it was cute..so I took a picture...LOL... We had fun and I thank God for getting us there safely and home safely as well...

2009-02-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

At what age is a child old enough to understand the "truth" about the family?? I have been wondering this for a while now, Chad and I have been married for almost 7 years and during our 7 years of marriage we have encountered some of the hardest times. If I told you what they were some of you would be amazed. Most of them had to do with dealing with all the many battles in his family. My life and his life growing up as a child was like Aladdin and Jasmine.Now I say that in the nicest way possible, I do not think in way I was better than him but I know that my family and child hood was a lot better than his was. When he finally got to the age that he could sign up for the army he felt that, that would be his only way out of the craziness that he endured on a daily basis. Once he was in the army and into the "real" world he soon realized just how messed up his family actually was. Even in basic training and through some of the darkest days of his life he was alone with NOBODY to turn to for guidance. By this point in his life he was able to block and hold in ALL of his emotions. He began bottling it all up and then like a ticking time bomb he would explode. By the time his four year service to the army was over he had already been divorced, filed bankruptcy, and lost his home. A lot for someone at 23 to take in. When we started dating he was fresh out of the service and he was lost at to where to go next in his life. Of course me being a senior in High school (yes thats right HIGH SCHOOL) I had no guidance to give him, I was just excited to be dating "CHAD BRIDGES" funny now .... I never really knew the "truth" behind his family issues until much later in our relation, but I did however know that he did not have a normal everyday family like I was use to. We dated for one year before he purposed and then waited a year after that before we got married.

I always knew that I would marry him...Funny but I have to throw this story in... When I was in middle school Deanna lived across from Chad and he and Travis use to drive this big blue van and they use to chase us in it and scare us and try to give us candy...They were mean but Deanna and I loved them...Before Chad left to go to the army we actually rode the ferris wheel together at the catfish festival (yeah I know romantic huh?) I was like 13 which made him 18 or 19 and me having puppy love for him.... When he left I use to write him all the time...NEVER got a response and I believe that Deanna use to tell me to give up I would never see him again.. Then when I was a freshman he came in on leave and we ran into each other at a football game and he wrote his "new" address down for me LOL....(which I still have) I wrote more to him then and still nothing.... Oh well I thought I had done what I could to try to keep in touch. I use to tell all my friends that I was going to marry somebody from my past that was going to sweep me off my feet and I always said it would be Chad...HMMM weird huh...He came back in from duty for good I dropped everything for him and here we are.

Okay so back to why I started typing this blog. Before Peyton came along we really didn't worry to much about what we encountered over the years as long as we still had each other. But when Peyton came along we made a pack to not let her life be anything like the life he had...Even though Chad wont admit it I know he was terrified to become a daddy. He knew he didn't want to be the father that his father was to him. And I really just think that since he never had his dad there he didn't really know how to be. But when Peyton was born he has more than fulfilled his duties as father...He is the greatest dad EVER!!! But his family issues always lingered in the back of his head. Now as Peyton is getting older and grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles have come in and out of her life and confused her beyond belief I often find ourselves asking "When should we explain the truth behind the life long family issues that will forever be apart of her life?" I know that 5 years old is pretty young but she is a very smart five year old, (no comment Laurie I know I have told you more than anybody all she knows LOL) She is starting to ask questions about why she can't go see this person, or why she never talks to this one? I really just don't know what to say so normally I say "well they live far away." I know that EVERY family has issues it doesn't matter who you are there will always be problems in the family.

So when is the right age? I obviously do not want her to worry about problems like this but I also want her to understand at some point...Just always thinking about the deep stuff....

Powerful

2009-02-27T10:24:00.000-08:00

I was going thru youtube (as I do EVERYDAY while I am eating lunch) I just wanted to hear some old songs that I use to listen to back in the day. Collin Raye popped into mind I use to LOVE listening to ALL of his songs. But I had never heard this one, and to be honest I didn't know he was even still actually singing...I watched this video and as I listened to the words I realized how powerful it truly is. I could not imagine Chad still being in the army and having to be over there fighting. I have always, since a young child been fascinated by the "TROOPS" there is always a pull at my heart when I see videos like this..These men and woman are fighting and dying for US and I know that GOd is hearing their prayers... This battle has been going on long enough and I think it is now time to bring them home and maybe reward these wonderful men and women with more than just a pat on the back and an Honorable discharge... I know that when Chad got out of the service he was lost..It took a LONG time to get back into civilian life style and I know that everyday if he could go back in ...he would he has even tried a few times. But God has a plan for him right here. I just wanted to share this video with you all

Atlantic City HERE I COME !!!

2009-02-27T07:07:00.000-08:00

We will be leaving Saturday afternoon going to my sisters and staying all night there and then getting up Sunday morning and leaving for Atlantic City. I am a little bit nervous (Imagine That) about the weather it is suppose to have 30% mixed percepitation all the way up there. Really the only thing that is concerning is up in the mountains of West Virginia. SO PLEASE PLEASE keep us in your prayers for a safe trip there and back. I want to make the best of all of the trip, so I am not going to worry myself over it. And one thing I am thankful about is the fact that Chad is a good driver and will not try to be superman and drive in bad conditions. So like I told Heather this morning we are just gonna take our time and get there when we get there. God will watch us safely.
I can not wait to see the kids tomorrow night, Bayleigh is my princess number two and only number two because Peyton is number one!lol... She loves her AA so much and I love her so much...She usually tackles me as soon as I walk in the door so I will be more than ready for my BIG hug from her. And I am sure she will say she wants to sleep with me and Chad but when I actually take her and put her in bed with us she expects me to hold her the whole time and when I don't she gets VERY angry...LOL...I just love her I can not wait to see her. And of course Cole and Lindsay, they are just getting to that age where they could careless who comes over...LOL... Thank goodness today is friday. Please say a prayer for my friend Missy, I hope she knows that I love her !!!
I will be posting pictures while I am gone so keep checking back ...