MERRY CHRISTMAS

Every year at this time I love remembering back to the days when I still lived at home and me and my brother Robbie would get ready to camp out in his bedroom and wait on Santa. We would lay there at night and talk about what Santa was going to bring us (well I would and he would tell me to hush so he could sleep) LOL...I loved the feeling I got at the pit of my stomach when I just knew I was hearing Santa's sleigh land on the roof. To this day I really think that maybe mom and Dale would go out side and throw stuff on the roof just so we would hear him that is how vividly I remember hearing the sleigh and bells..THIS IS WHY I STILL BELIEVE!! I love remembering that every year I would always have to go to the bathroom at about 2 or 3 in the morning. Despite the fact that Robbie threatened my life each year that if I went out side the bedroom and peeked in the living room he would KILL ME!! So every year I would have to wake him up and he would walk me to the bathroom with his hands over my eyes and then he would push me in the bathroom and wait outside the door for me to come out. Looking back at this now I know Robbie was probably scoping out the living room and looking at everything Santa brought us...When I would come out of the bathroom he would again cover my eyes and we would head back to the room and go to sleep (well he would I never did I was to excited)...I love remembering back to those days. I can not wait for Peyton and Tarryn to get to the age where they can do the same things and they will be able to have traditions they do every year. I love the thought of my girls snuggling up together and anxiously awaiting Santa's arrival.
This being Tarryn's first Christmas I know she will not remember it but I am SOOO excited for the morning to get here so we can celebrate as a family...

I hope that each of you have WONDERFUL childhood Christmas memories that you too will cherish forever...HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! REMEMBER THE REAL REASON WE ARE CELEBRATING!!

Family conversations !

Well Tarryn has been blessing our lives now for 18 days. She is such a GREAT baby. She eats about 4oz every 4 hours. Actually the last day or two she has been needing more so she has ate about 6oz a few times a day. She is a little piggy. She is growing like crazy. When I took her for her two week check up Monday she weighed 9lbs 2oz and was already 23 inches long. She is a growing girl. Not very many know this but Chad went for vasectomy today. I have ALWAYS known that he was going to be doing this after our second baby but I guess I am just a little saddened by it. The thought every never seeing or feeling the way I feel the moment that my baby is laid on my chest makes me sad. I know that I really do not want any more kids and after being so miserable during this pregnancy and then after the postpartum I feel I know that it is not a good idea for me to bring that upon myself time and time again. My hats off to the parents that can have more and more but that is just not for me. I will cherish the two that God gave me. I was lucky to get two out of Chad he always feared that he would never be able to love another one as much as he loves Peyton but I knew that would not be the case.
Peyton has asked a ton of question about "daddy's surgery" lol...so finally Chad was like ok Peyton Daddy had surgery so that we can not have anymore babies!! She said OHHHHH!!! and then got real quiet and said "but mommy has the babies"????? LOL...I quickly looked at Chad and said ok enough explaining....Then she started asking about breast feeding.....ONLY PEYTON...She asked me why I didnt breast feed Tarryn I said mommy just didn't want to. She said "did you breast feed me?" I said "I tried", she said "I didn't like it did I?" I said "No I don't guess so." then about ten minutes later after she had pondered our conversation she says "gross why would anybody want a boob in their mouth" OMG!!!! I nearly laughed out loud...I just shook my head and left it at that. I can not say anything else to her cause the conversation would just keep going and by the time we were done I would be in tears...lol..she never ceases to amaze me with her thoughts..

But then again after all that funny stuff Chad asked her what she liked most about christmas and she said "Celebrating Jesus' birthday" AMEN SISTER....THANK YOU GOD FOR YOU EVER LASTING LOVE!!!

Until Next time I hope you all have a WONDERFUL CHIRSTMAS!

Tarryn Rae Bridges.....

Well I am a little late on posting but I have just been trying to get back into a routine..It has been hard to do that. I have a long way to go before I am back to normal again.

Tarryn Rae Bridges was born on Decemeber 1, 2009 she weighed 8lbs 10oz and was 21.5 inches long. She came out screaming her little head off. I do not believe she was ready to make her debut yet



Peyton was sooooo excited and she is such a loving big sister. It was a very different week for her, she has never stayed all night with people not even her grandparents but maybe one night in her 6 years of life but she had to stay with her mammaw Fazel for like 3 days in a row and that was just a big change for her then she didnt want to leave her sister at the hospital so she would cry when she had to leave. Bless her heart it was just a lot to take in all at once..

I can not praise God enough for giving us yet another wonderful gift of life..Tarryn is perfect in every way. I just sit and stare at her, it's so hard to believe that I could grow something so absolutly amazing in my belly in just 9 months. I am blessed beyeond belief. It has been a lot to take in and I have been a bit overwhelmed at times I never realized how much of difference having two kids would be. I do not know how people can have a lot of kids and stay sane. lol... Dont' get me wrong I love my Peyton and Tarryn more than anything in this world but it is just different with two. Post partum is always the worse. I am not one of these superwomans who can give birth and never miss a beat. I go through ALL the emotions and night time seems to be worse. I am going to try to sleep in my bed tonight with Tarryn in the bassinet beside me she has not liked it to much but I have her asleep in it now so I am hoping being in my own bed will help me out. I know the hormones will be over soon and I will not always feel so blah but I just pray to God that I get back to normal soon...I will post again soon..

My Husband the charmer!!!

Chad and I were sitting in the living room last night watching the Bears play another depressing game and a very sweet commerical came on. This guy was standing outside in the snow in front of the window of the house and the woman was inside they were doing that whole googlie eye thing and he draws a heart in the fog on the window and then drops down a very pretty necklace out of his hand and it dangles down in front of him for her to see. She (of course) is all surprised and happy acting and I say to Chad "awwww how sweet that is" Now let me just make this sound better by saying that Chad use to be really sweet and romantic about hmmmmm huh 9 years ago when we were dating. Unfortunately he just doesn't get into it much anymore..lol...Which is fine I don't need all that mushy stuff. So the commercial goes off and I am about half asleep in the recliner when he says "Ashley" I look over at him and he hands me this piece of TOILET PAPER, YES THAT IS RIGHT I SAID TOILET PAPER....and on it he had drawn a heart on it and handed it to me....SERIOUSLY I JUST LAUGHED AT HIM AND then said thank you honey you have just given me something to write on my blog about...LOL!! What a charmer he is...I guess it was just a good thing it wasn't like used toilet paper...lol...
Regardless I still love him and I am so glad that I got a picture of it for you all to see.. ENJOY !!

we are all equal

I am struggling, I am struggling with people.Does that make sense? I have a VERY hard time dealing with people who pretend to people they are not. I have always been the person who stands up for what I believe in even when it got me into trouble, only because I would take it to far. I will always be the same person I am at home that I am at church, work, grocery store, etc. I'll just be honest with you if you stand outside my house and peek through my windows you will see me in my moo moo nighty (even if it's 3pm), you will probably hear Chad and I picking on each other about something, or you will hear the Karaoke machine on and Chad singing his heart out. And nine times out of ten if you peek through our window Peyton will be running around in some crazy dress up outfit with her high heels carrying around one of her many baby dolls. We are the normal typical family. We have over come MANY MANY hurdles in our 9 years together to get to where we are. We use to not have the faith of Jesus in our lives. We did what we wanted when we wanted it and we said what we wanted when we wanted which usually ended up in some pretty stupid arguments in front of Peyton when she was a baby. It took a long time for God to really sink into our lives and stay. And I will admit that some days it is VERY hard to keep faith. But I do (we do). We may get knocked down over the years and yes it hurts but we find a way to get up and carry on. If it means moving onto to better places then we shall do that. But we have learned that God will place us in all the right spots at the right time. He is never to early or never to late but he is always right on time. Sometimes I have to stop and slow down and realize this myself. I am not a person who likes to wait on things so this sometimes is my biggest down fall.

We are a family who has its daily struggles but we still put our pants on one leg at time like the rest of the world. God sees all things and sometimes in small towns I just have to overlook the people who think they can put their pants on both legs at a time (standing that is for all your smart butts..lol)

BABY UPDATE!

I went to the Dr. today I was dialated a whole "1" whooohooo..Can you sense my sarcasim? But really though that is better than nothing.This past week I had been having some pretty strong contractions when I was really active so I guess I just need to walk and walk and maybe that will be help her out. I can not wait to see her little face...I know with the first born its always so exciting and I have to admit it is jsut as exciting with the second one. I can't wait to see if she looks like Peyton did, I can't wait to see Peyton's face light up when she is helping us out and holding her sister, and most importantly I can not wait to watch them grow together as sisters. My sister and I are 8 years apart in age and when we were younger we were not very close. I lot of that had to do with parents divorcing and us moving 5 hours from each other. But once we both got to the age where we could travel and see one another then we have been BEST FRIENDS since. Not that I haven't always loved my sister it was just harder to be close to one another so far away. Now I wouldn't know what to do with out her. I can not wait to watch Peyton and Tarryn grow together. It will be so fun. I am REALLY REALLY excited about having time off from work...LOL..isn't that awful? I am just excited that it is falling around the holidays so if all goes well I will be home after Thanksgiving through the first two weeks of January. WHOOOOHOOOO...I can not wait!!! LOL...Plus I will be able to take Tarryn with me to work when I go back so that is going to help out TREMENDOUSLY....God has truly blessed us with wonderful things and I thank him for placing everything in the right spot for us!!! So now I go back every week my next appt is Nov.12th so I will update again then...

UNTIL NEXT TIME

Understanding....

I don't want to be the peace maker anymore. I am tired of Chad and I getting fingers pointed at us and things blamed on us when we have done nothing but try to keep peace. We are not young kids living together like we were 10 years ago. We are married, parents, and christians trying to live our lives for us and our children. We get up EVERY morning and work so we can provide for our family. That is how it will always be. We live in OUR own house, pay OUR own bills, and we do not need ANYBODY else raising our children they are OUR kids and we have the right to have them around the people we feel they can be around, and to NOT have them around the people that we do not feel they can be around. WE ARE THE PARENTS WE HAVE THAT RIGHT. I have never wanted to just say bye bye to anyone more in my life than I do now. That may sound awful but it's the truth. And to think if I was not trying to be the peace maker and give everyone the benefit of the doubt we would not be in this situation now. I should have just gone the rest of my life not caring if these people were in our life or not. I have never in all my life felt more sorry for my husband than I do now. I pray that God is truly in his heart and comforts him from the pain I know he feels but will not admit to. The sad thing is I know it's not over, it's an ongoing battle that is been fighting in his family for YEARS AND YEARS and no matter what I say or do to help it will not change who these people are. The part I hate the most is no matter how hard I try to not let Peyton get hurt by separating family members it is eventually going to happen. Maybe not today or next year or in 5 years but one day she will be hurt like we hurt over the people in her own family. I hate that she is sucked into this warp right a long with us and I pray that God keeps her heart strong from hurting as the years pass her by. I just have to come to terms with the fact that these are mental conditions that can not be changed or made better no matter how hard we try to make to these people understand.

I ask God to forgive me for the things I said that were out of line I let my mouth and emotions get carried away before I thought the right words out to say. Please God lead me in the right direction and show me the right way to handle things that clearly go against what I believe in...