The days don't get easier, to me they get harder. Harder for me to understand "why". I am now hating my dreams I see his face and it's the look that he gives me in my dreams that haunts me, he is so close to me reaching for me and shivering as if he is cold and wanting me to pull him up to safety! But when I reach for him he's to far away, just out of arms length. I hate the feeling of not being able to help, and that is the hardest part about all of this is that I feel I didn't do my part to help him. We weren't there and the kids life for the last 2 years because of family differences that have haunted the family for years and we don't see how we could live a normal life unless we pulled our self away from them. Looking back on it now I know we did what was best for our family and I know we are conituing to do the best thing for our kids and for us but the pain is still there. The hurt, the many questions of "why" and "what if" haunt me and will continue to haunt me. I have been praying for God to give everyone peace and I know we serve a powerful God so I just have to keep believing in him and serving him and he will keep providing for me!