Understanding....

I don't want to be the peace maker anymore. I am tired of Chad and I getting fingers pointed at us and things blamed on us when we have done nothing but try to keep peace. We are not young kids living together like we were 10 years ago. We are married, parents, and christians trying to live our lives for us and our children. We get up EVERY morning and work so we can provide for our family. That is how it will always be. We live in OUR own house, pay OUR own bills, and we do not need ANYBODY else raising our children they are OUR kids and we have the right to have them around the people we feel they can be around, and to NOT have them around the people that we do not feel they can be around. WE ARE THE PARENTS WE HAVE THAT RIGHT. I have never wanted to just say bye bye to anyone more in my life than I do now. That may sound awful but it's the truth. And to think if I was not trying to be the peace maker and give everyone the benefit of the doubt we would not be in this situation now. I should have just gone the rest of my life not caring if these people were in our life or not. I have never in all my life felt more sorry for my husband than I do now. I pray that God is truly in his heart and comforts him from the pain I know he feels but will not admit to. The sad thing is I know it's not over, it's an ongoing battle that is been fighting in his family for YEARS AND YEARS and no matter what I say or do to help it will not change who these people are. The part I hate the most is no matter how hard I try to not let Peyton get hurt by separating family members it is eventually going to happen. Maybe not today or next year or in 5 years but one day she will be hurt like we hurt over the people in her own family. I hate that she is sucked into this warp right a long with us and I pray that God keeps her heart strong from hurting as the years pass her by. I just have to come to terms with the fact that these are mental conditions that can not be changed or made better no matter how hard we try to make to these people understand.

I ask God to forgive me for the things I said that were out of line I let my mouth and emotions get carried away before I thought the right words out to say. Please God lead me in the right direction and show me the right way to handle things that clearly go against what I believe in...

Peyton is 6

Here is a my baby girl 6 years ago today, and here is my baby girl today .....MY MY MY...how time flies by. I miss holding her in my arms and kissing her sweet fat cheeks. I was so blessed with a perfect little girl and I still feel very very blessed at how perfect she is today. I LOVE YOU PEYTON LEEANN BRIDGES...YOU ARE MOMMY'S ANGEL ALWAYS!!

Future Miss.Kentucky

There is no way for me to even explain this photo..If you know my family well enough you know that we have MANY MANY photos (or home videos) from our childhood that have and will continue to stay around and haunt us FOREVER...Well this is one that my neice Bayleigh will just have to realize at a young age that it is going to haunt her FOREVER....LOL!!! I would normally not post some of these embarassing photos but since she is a child and will not be on here looking I think I am safe. I have one of my sister in a group family photo that I WOULD LOVE to post but I fear for my life when even mentioning it...LOL!!

NOW THE STORY BEHIND THE PICTURE: Miss Kentucky came to Bayleigh's school yesterday and she took pictures with all the students...She even as you notice let them wear the crown on their head...Well as you can see my beautiful little niece Bayleigh COULD HAVE CARED LESS about Miss Kentucky or about the stupid crown...Her face says it all. And how they caught her in this position at the PERFECT time is AMAZING...But by gosh I am so glad they did...I have laughed until I have cried over this picture...I just hope that my niece never hates me for posting this...she need not worry though because I am thinking that maybe I will start posting embarrassing pictures of EVERYBODY on my blog....LOL...FRIENDS AND FAMILY BEWARE....



UNTIL NEXT TIME

The Train ....

This may be weird to some....But I LOVE the sound of trains! Since I work across the rail road tracks I usually once or twice a week get caught by the train. This morning as I was coming back to my office from the post office I saw the rails going down at the train tracks ahead and unlike other people I got excited...lol...I love that relaxing 5 mintues (that feels like longer) to roll my window down and feel the beauty of the morning and the sound of the train whistle and then just hearing it go along the tracks. I know strange huh? I am sure all the people who live by the train track would shoot me for even thinking that it's soothing. I have never been like fascinated with trains or a collector of them but I LOVE that few minutes that I get to stop and listen to the pattern of the train race along the tracks. This morning I was listening to Jason Crabb's new c.d (as I do EVERY morning) and it was just so uplifting to hear his voice and the sound of the train and the cool wind blowing in my windows. Thank you God for giving me this day and every other day you have give me and will continue to give me.

PRAISE GOD!

I know that God is always in control...Peyton had the entire mole and area around the mole removed from the side of her foot a week ago and by God's amazing grace there was no mellanoma detected. I have never been so happy. I know that to some it may have been a mild thing but to me and my family it was a huge deal. I was not prepared to worry for the rest of my life about that one mole that changed the way we lived our lives. Now granted I am still going to go put lots of sunscreen on her during the summer and I will be watching her much closer since she is more prone to getting this in her moles. I just really thank God for ALL he has and will continue to do for my family..

Chad and I have come from living in a camper trailer with nothing to having great jobs, a wonderful family and two amazing daughters (one we will meet soon, though we know she will be amazing as well) and God's love which is most important. It took us A LONG time to realize just how great he was in our lives and I am so thankful that we BOTH have seen it first hand. Chad has gone through so much change (for the better) in the last 5 years that you wouldn't even believe me if I told you. He put his faith in God and allowed him to come into his life and we he did he had to let a lot of things go, things I really didn't think he could ever let go but he did and since then he has been a better man.

I can not wait until Tarryn gets here so we can start this next chapter in our life...I am excited and scared to death all at once, LOL....

Until Next time

Updates

About two weeks ago I decided to make an appt for Peyton to see a dermatologist about the bumps on her elbow. While I was there Chad reminded me to ask the Dr about the little mole or spot on the side of Peyton's foot. When I showed it to the Dr he asked me if it had grown or changed colors which it had, so they decided to cut it out then and send it off. I got a call from the Dr on Wednesday of last week telling me that they had sent the mole off to a Dr in Harvard and the results had come back that it was forming melanoma. So today I have to take her back to the Dr for them to cut a little more to make sure they got it all and then she will have to go for check ups every six months from here on out. He said had we left it on there it would have killed her in 5 years...then he tells me not to worry though...HUH OK!! She is now at very high risk for this to form in other moles. It's weird though because those of you who know her know that she has the best skin tone ever. She has never burnt while out in the sun or anything so therefore she has never wore sunscreen.....UNTIL NOW!! We will have to make sure she has that on now. It is really just scary to think that if I had never done anything about it what might have happened. I just thank God that we made an effort to have it looked at. Please just keep us in your prayers, I am sure everything will be fine and with the wonderful people we go to church with praying for us it helps tremendously.

On a better note I do not go back to the baby doctor until the 21st I will 34 weeks when I go....I CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET MY BABY GIRL!!! Everybody is having their babies and it just makes me so excited to meet Tarryn Rae.

I have a busy month this month, Chad will be singing at a revival this saturday night so that will be exciting I think he is nervous but I know as long as he continues to let God be in control he will be fine. I have dentist appt's next week and then the weekend of the 24th I will be having Peyton's tea party bday and then Sunday the 25th she will be getting baptized and then at 2 is my baby shower...SHEEEEWWWWW lots of stuff that weekend. But I am looking forward to it my family will be in and will be able to enjoy the weekend with us.

Until Next time