The memories will live on forever!

While digging through my building last night making sure I had all the Christmas presents out that I had hid over the year I came across a box full of old pictures, letters that I have kept from years past. When I started going through them I realized that there were a lot of old pictures, and art projects of Zaks from when he was little. But this first picture I found melted my heart more than anything else I found. I can remember sitting on the porch this very day in the hot son of Mid July when Zak asked "Chaddy" if he would shave his hair off.... Chad went in got the clippers and they proceeded to shaving Zak's hair. Chad got all of it trimmed off and left just a mohawk and Zak was soooo excited he thought he was super cool for having a mohawk and you can tell by his little smile on his face that it made his day. Unfortunately Chad did not let him keep it cause it wasn't as popular then as it is now and well Chad was just not all for letting his 5 year old "lil brother" run around with a mohawk lol!! But I can remember how for just a few mintues he ran around the yard with out a shirt on or with out shoes on, on this hot day and was actually like a muscle man with his new mohawk cut...He always knew how to melt my heart with that sweet little smile and laugh and those big brown eyes!!




Then I found this.....This almost brought me to my knees...Zak had made a fathers day card for Chad that had his foot print on it from when he was in Kindergarten. Chad was the only male father figure that Zak had in his life and when I found this I had a little peace in knowing that Zak knew how much he was loved by his Chaddy! Even though because of family issues they were not always together I know in my heart Zak knew that our love for him was uncondtional! I am just so very thankful that I have all these pictures and all these crafts from Zak's child hood that I keep finding that are just small reminders that we were his family and it gives me a little bit of comfort each time!

I will never forget

Sometimes when I am just simply driving down the road I start to think about the "what if's" I know I shouldn't but I can't stop myself. Sometimes it feels as if I am going to stop breathing and just fall apart, at times I feel as if my heart could stop beating. One minute I am fine and the next minute I am once again faced with the tradgedy that we have gone through. I know why we had to do the things we did the last two years for our family but I do NOT understand how people can be so mentally out there and not at least at one point in their life see that there is a problem. I always said since the first day that Zak and Niki stole my heart that they could do anything in the life they wanted to do all they had to do is work at it. I was always heart broken for the lonliness I knew they felt even when they were 3 and 5 yrs old and didnt really understand their whole life situation. I will never forget the time Zak came home from Kindgarten and said that another boy asked him who is dad was and Zak's response was "Jesus" my heart melted right then because that was the only father he was told about....He knew who God was and he knew how to pray and he knew what it meant to be saved and even as a 6 year old he knew who his real father was. He was so much like Chad it was scary. Ill never forget when I was a senior in High School I would drop him off and pick him up from daycare everyday and I will never forget how his eyes would light up when he saw me walk through the door. I will never forget the time Chad made me a birthday cake and he hid it in the closet until after dinner and when I went looking for Zakry he comes running out of the bedroom with chocolate all over his face I said "what have you been in to?" he said with a very serious face "nothing why?" LOL!! He was only about 4 years old and his big smile always melted my heart I could never stay mad at him when he grinned real big at me. I am starting to remember things now that I had forgotten about it. I am so glad I have a memory that is allowing me to remember his smile, laughter and his big heart. He was always trying to impress us but what he didnt understand is that we loved him just the way he was!

But when I remember all the good times I cant stop remembering the bad days as well. Chads family has always had family turmoil and because of this we found our self having to be separated from Chads mom which also meant not seeing Niki and Zak (which was the hardest thing I had ever done) I had rasied them as my own since I was 17 years old and not seeing or talking them broke my heart. The last time I had seen Zak was at the Catfish Festival Niki came right over to us and hugged us and talked to us but Zak was not about to open up to us and let us know he would have loved a hug! Instead he stood about 100 yards from us and just stared at us the whole time..My heart broke cause I knew if I had just hugged him he would have hugged me back but I let me emotions get the best of me and walked away so I wouldnt make him feel uncomfortable! I CAN NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT DAY!!! I can not stop hating myself for not walking over to him and hugging him so tight.... even if he would have pushed me away at least he would have known i cared enough to at least make an attempt to hug him! I know that deep down he knew how much my love for him was because while I was in his life for all those years I made it a point to tell him. Chad and I went without a LOT of stuff over the years to take care of him and Niki cause we knew we had to! We tried many times over the years to get help for Chad's mother but to no avail and so still to this day she is living this life empty and heart broken now more than she has ever been in her life and as much as I would like to go hug her and tell her we love her I know I cant, and only because I can not help someone who does not want help or who does not see they have a problem. My hands are just as much tied now as they were before, only know my sadness goes sooooo much deeper than it ever has! The hardest part for me is knowing we will never all be a family again, and I will never get the chance to hug him or even see his face again.

Missing my time spent with Zak!

The days don't get easier, to me they get harder. Harder for me to understand "why". I am now hating my dreams I see his face and it's the look that he gives me in my dreams that haunts me, he is so close to me reaching for me and shivering as if he is cold and wanting me to pull him up to safety! But when I reach for him he's to far away, just out of arms length. I hate the feeling of not being able to help, and that is the hardest part about all of this is that I feel I didn't do my part to help him. We weren't there and the kids life for the last 2 years because of family differences that have haunted the family for years and we don't see how we could live a normal life unless we pulled our self away from them. Looking back on it now I know we did what was best for our family and I know we are conituing to do the best thing for our kids and for us but the pain is still there. The hurt, the many questions of "why" and "what if" haunt me and will continue to haunt me. I have been praying for God to give everyone peace and I know we serve a powerful God so I just have to keep believing in him and serving him and he will keep providing for me!

Help Me, Help You!

I am overwhelmed with the urge to help people. I have always been overwhelmed with this emotion. I thought that once I got this job at Habitat (4 years ago) that it would stop that emotion, but it hasn't. I am thinking maybe its a sign, but then how will I know when I am put in the right situation to help the right people? I have been trampled on SOOOO many times by people who I open my doors, wallet and heart to just for them to turn around and use me! I don't judge them or hate them, and to be honest I would probably open it all up again if they came to me and needed it. Surely my big heart and my ideas of saving all the needy can be put to good use! I have prayed about this emotion for years but nothing yet has came to me. I know, I know, God isn't ready to tell me, but remember I am SOOO impaitent! I have thought that maybe I need a place to make this work maybe there is a need for people to come and just feel safe and be able to talk. I dont have to have anything to give them but my love and my wisdom of how God loves them. I could have some resources that could help them in whatever trials in their life they are facing...Does that make sense? Then I think, ok maybe there needs to be a place to women to come who are pregnant and alone and need HELP!! But would people come to just anyone? Would people come if they werent getting something for "free" I know that sounds awful but it is the sad truth!! But then again if they were in real need they would come no matter what!! See, my mind NEVER stops, I have wanted to build a "safe" house for years here on our lot at Habitat to help those people who are in need a of temoporary home but I cant convience anyone that it is a good idea. I guess I should rephrase that, they know its needed but legal issues always pop out, like who would watch the house to make sure it wasnt destroyed? What about insuring it? How long would you allow each family to stay there? AHHHHHH! I am losing my mind with all these ideas. Good thing I have a blog, and Its a good idea that you all already know I am crazy or you would be worried about me... :)

Time for a change!

Sometimes I just want to change things up a bit. Who knows maybe even start blogging again!! I wont promise that but I sure would like to make myself do it!! Stay Tuned you never know!

Day 9

A Picture of my friends....

Yes I know I may never get to day 30 but I am still trying I promise, blogging is something you want to do and some days I just don't feel like doing it...lol...




This is a few of my friends from our annual Christmas party, what a great bunch of girls they are ..love them all dearly!

Day 8

A place I have traveled to.....



Instead of the traditional vacation spot you probably thought I would post on here I decided to do something different....I was going through the pics on my pc and I cam across this one....to some people it may not be that big of a deal but to me it's the most powerful photo I have ever taken, I have traveled to that very alter on numerous occasions, not because I am a bad person but because I am a human. I make mistakes so I ask for forgiveness, my heart is hurting because my marriage has not always been perfect like it is now and I have asked God for help to put it back together, I seek guidance at that alter God, lays his hands upon me and slowly picks me up and all then I know I will be ok.... I have traveled to this very place time and time again....It is the one place I am more proud of than any other place!!

Day 7

FAVORITE MOVIES......


My all time FAVORITE movie is.......(drum roll please)....Field of Dreams..




Yep thats right, I LOVE that movie I could still watch it over and over again and never get tired of it..I get so excited when it comes on tv. It never gets old to me and it has a great story behind it!

Day 6

A photo that makes me smile.....

Yes I am aware that it is technically not day 6 but I am just gonna stay on track by the numbers and just bare with me if this takes longer than 30 days...lol..

This picture really does not need a title....Look how FAT she was!!! OHHHHHH she is growing up sooo fast.. I love both my baby girls!!

DAY 5

MY SIBLINGS~

Yes I am aware that I am a day behind, but it is just a day so it's ok. :)

I currently have 5 siblings, I say currently because I never know when my father may call me and tell me there is another sibling out there he is just now finding out about....lol...Sorry daddy, I couldn't resist adding that to my blog..

My oldest sibling is my sister Krista, she and I have a special bond, we share the same birthday only 8 years apart. I felt that it really should have been her happiest birthday every and I should have been the best gift she has ever gotten to date, BUT apparently I am WRONG! I thinks it's funny how two people who can be such complete opposites can still have so much fun together like we do. She is the one I call when I am mad, sad, happy, or just want to call because I have nothing better to do. I am pretty sure since we were born on the same day it really does give us a closer relationship, I feel more like she is my twin (I'm much prettier of course lol) I know when she is hurting, sad, or mad. When she is struggling with all of her "life" issues that I know that I can not fix for her I just want to take her place and make it all better. But I can't, instead I can only cry with her and pray for her and love her unconditioanlly. She is my best friend and I am very proud to call her my sister. My sister is married to Bryan and she has three kids, Lindsay, Cole and Bayleigh.

The next is my older brother Robbie, Though hard headed and mean more times than not in my life I still love him just the same. He was always my "Rock" I guess you would say. When I had a problem he would always listen. He accomplished many wonderful things in his adult life that makes me VERY proud of him. Although I really would have put money on him never marrying and living in the woods in a cabin and only eating the meat in which he killed himself, I am very thankful to have my sister in law Miranda and my two super awesome nephews Tristan and Braxtan.

The baby brother is next, Ryan Allen, came a little late in my moms life but I must say he is the one they love the most....lol...just kidding (kinda lol) I can remember being so over protective of him when he was a baby. He use to be so cute and sweet but in the blink of an eye he would turn on you and be mean as a little snake. He has always been very smart, and a good christian boy. He will be 22 years old this year and has just become a new employee of WRECC which is the job he has been wanting for about a year like always he worked hard and aggravated the right people and got what he wanted....that a boy Ryan!! :) I am wouldn't know what to do with out my little redneck baby brother!

I have two more sisters that came to be my sisters by marriage Jesse and Amanda. I must say though regardless of a blended family we all get a long great and always have. When there mom and my dad married it was the first time I was excited about one of my fathers wifes...lol...Teresa (my step mom) was a gift sent from God specifically for my daddy and when he sent her he sent Jesse and Amanda to help my sister Krista and step mom Teresa keep my dad on track. IT IS NOT an easy task so any sibling that can do that is extra special in my eyes...lol..

I have a big family, and though many miles separate three of us we never loose the love we share for one another! WE ARE FAMILY!!

Day 4

My Parents

When I was 2 yrs old my mom and dad divorced, I do not remember any of it. I guess now that I think of it it's kinda sad only knowing my dad outside of the house. I never remember him living with us or sadly I don't remember a lot of stuff from my child with him there. I thank its only by the grace of God we have a relationship today. My mom remarried when I was 4 yrs old, they are still married today. It is because of his job that we moved to Morgantown nearly 20 years ago. I often wonder where I would be at today if we had stayed in Ashland?!

My parents have always raised me in a christian home, even though I fought my mother every day about going to church I am sooooo glad she pushed it on me. I grew up most of my life only seeing my dad on holidays and special occasions or during the summer months for a week or so at a time. It made me have a lot of anger about not getting to him as much. Being in church and praying help me a lot. Though I steered away from church in my younger teen years my mom was always there to pick up the pieces and help me put them back together. Now that I am an adult I see more clear now just how great my parents are, including my step mom and dad! Even though miles still part us we still love each other and keep in contact daily!

Day 3

MY FIRST LOVE:

Ok, so this may sound cheesy but here goes....

I have thought about this post all day, at first I was thinking about middle school, about how I thought I was in love with this boy (I wont mention names since my blog is now public lol) I still see him sometimes today and I thank God for unanswered prayers. I think a lot of that guy but I my life would be in a completely different place if I was with him, and I have to say not one that I would be proud of. Unless I could have changed him but that is a different post.

Then I got to thinking the first person that I was in "LOVE" with was Chad. You know the whole sappy story so I wont tell it here, as cheesy as it may sound its the truth, and NO, Chad does not read my blog so I am not getting any points by typing this...lol.. I can honestly say that he can still give me butterflies in my stomach, and when I look at him I feel the same way I did when we started dated....I always knew I would be with him and again God put us together for so many reasons that we are just now seeing. I love him, I have loved him since I was young child and even though I dated other people he was always in my heart, and everytime he came home from leave, he found me. I mean it was never coincidence, he FOUND me. Even though I was young and everyone just thought I was stupid for falling in love so quick, they didn't really know I had loved him for years... HE IS MY FIRST AND ONLY REAL LOVE!!

Day 2

The meaning behind my blog name......"Rebuilding our "BRIDGES" one prayer at a time"

I have always tried to come up with a "Clever" blog title, I use to just have the traditional Last name or first name title. I was sitting at home one day after our revival and it dawned on me that we are rebuilding our life through the power of prayer. The more I thought about it I wanted to incorporate our last name in the blog as well. In the last year our bridge in our life, christian life, parenting, and marriage has been both torn apart and then amazingly all of it was rebuilt and made even better than before. I love what God has done for our family this past year, I have always put my faith in God and he has never failed me.

Day 1

Day 1-Introduce,

My name is Ashley Bridges I am married to Chad Bridges who has had my heart since I was very young (ahhhhh, I know) he sings in a gospel group here locally and I am very proud of him. I have two beautiful daughters Peyton who is 7 and Tarryn is 1. They have changed me into the christian person I am today...

RECENT PICTURE,






15 INTERESTING FACTS

1. I was born in Ashland, KY and moved to morgantown in 1992.

2. My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 2 yrs old.

3. My sister and I have the same birthday but we are 8 years apart, and apparently we look a lot a like.(I don't see it)lol

4. I have OCD....and was diagnosed with it 2 days before I found out I was preganant with Peyton.

5. I hate to hear people type on a key board in silence.

6. I hate the sound of someone changing the channel on the remote.

7. When I change channels I ALWAYS have to start with the first one (like channel 2)

8. I count things...EVERYTHING...from cracks in the wall, to windows, to people.

9. When I was a kid I got a yellow crayon stuck in my nose... I was on my way to hospital when I finally blew it out..lol

10. I worry constantly about everything...

11. I have gone most of my married life without health insurance. And Peyton has gone most of her life without insurance as well..God has blessed us with Health

12. I have a BURNING desire to help people

13. I sing REALLY REALLY loud in the car.

14. I LOVE MUSIC... I can remember several people and several events just by hearing certain songs.

15. If you read my blog from the past to the present you will see God working on my family (especially Chad) Prayers do get answered.


Until Next time!

30 Day Challenge

I came across a blog today (thanks Jill) and loved the 30 Day Challenge she was doing. So, I decided to join in!! Here is a list of topics for each day. Be sure to check in and as always COMMENT.

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30- a picture

One Letter

It's been almost 10 years since my mom wrote this to me to be published in my senior yearbook. After 10 years it still brings tears to my eyes. I am still very amazed at how "right on" she was. I mean I know she is my mother and she should know everything about me but at 17 years old when this was wrote I would have bet you a hundred dollars she knew nothing about me, but in all reality she knew more about me than I knew about me. I have gone down some very dark roads in my 10 years since this letter was wrote, not because I had to, but because I chose to. Every time I moved from house to house this letter has traveled safely with me, and every time I have unpacked my bags this letter has crossed my path and given me the strength I needed to make it to the next day. I am pretty sure that my mom never in a million years would have thought this letter would have impacted me into my adult years like it has, but there is something about each line that describes me to a "T", it's the simple sweet way she wrote it that makes it so special. After all the stuff I put my mother threw growing up I would have thought all she would have wanted to say to me was "SEE YA". I can only hope that when my girls get older I can have the same impact on them that my mother had on me in my life. Though we butted heads more times than not, I heard EVERY word she every screamed at me (lol) and I can promise you she had a lot of times to scream at me. I have apologized to her over the years but it still doesn't make what's done go away. Thank you mom for your christian values and your loving heart. It is because of you, I am the mother, wife and christian woman I am today.