Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
One Year Ago Today!
One year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Tarryn. Chad and I had tried for about 6 months with no success, then he got laid off from work so we weren't to worried about the fact that we had not gotten pregnant. Then of course I end up pregnant. I can remember going to get a test and taking it at my office. I really didn't think I was it just became habitat to buy a test, it was kinda fun but at the same time made me a bit sad each month. When I took this test it was a really light line that showed up so I wasn't 100% sure so I went back to my desk and kept watching it...I would work for a bit then look at it, work then look at it and it kept getting darker! I decided to leave work early and go find Chad he was suppose to be taking Peyton to the park that day. So I sat and waited on them and when he pulled up he was like why are you not at work? I handed him the test and he was like are you pregnant? I am still not sure if he was happy or sick to his stomach...lol...He is not much of a baby person but he is the best daddy and loves his girls...
It is just so hard to believe that a year has already passed...Tarryn has been a GREAT baby in the last almost 4 months of her life....she only cries when she's hungry. Last week I started her on baby food just carrotts for now and she LOVES them! Of course she is such a junk....She weighed 19.13 pounds on March 22nd! Needless to say she is a growing BABY!!!
One Year ago toady I became a mother of two!!! Thank God for both my little miracles!
It is just so hard to believe that a year has already passed...Tarryn has been a GREAT baby in the last almost 4 months of her life....she only cries when she's hungry. Last week I started her on baby food just carrotts for now and she LOVES them! Of course she is such a junk....She weighed 19.13 pounds on March 22nd! Needless to say she is a growing BABY!!!
One Year ago toady I became a mother of two!!! Thank God for both my little miracles!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Remembering a friend
This week on facebook a few of us were discussing spirits/ghosts on my page. I have had so many very strange encounters so I thought I would share one very special event that happened nearly 10 years ago...wow hard to believe it's been that long.
On June 23rd 2000 I lost a dear friend of mine in a car wreck. Eric Ryan Young was one of those people that loved you for YOU!!He was a jack of all trades. One of his many jobs was lawn care. He had built his business up a lot over the years and was well known in the community for his nice neat PERFECTLY straight lines in his grass...lol...I can remember him talking about grass on peoples lots as we drove by them, he would always say "my John Deere could do a better job than that" then laugh at himself.His favorite equipment was John Deere as was his favorite color. We had so many really great times together that I could not even begin to list them. The day that Eric died was like a dream actually probably from that day and the two weeks following that day were a dream. I can remember being at my sisters house and my friend Tiffany knocking on the door. When I opened it her facial expressions was all I needed to see to tell something was wrong. When she told me my heart just broke in to a million pieces. I can remember the funeral home being so full of people those few days that there was at least an hour wait at times to get through the doors. I can still picture him lying there and just waiting for him to sit up and say something...How I wish I could have gotten one of his lawn care shirts he was working on getting...I knew in my heart that Eric was in heaven and watching us.But what happened two months later is what really gave me peace of mind.
In August my friend Kristen and I were working a booth for my sister at the southern ky fair in Bowling Green. We were extremely bored with the whole thing and we were actually about to pack up things when this man approached our table. (bear with me as I try to explain this for all to understand)do you know how when you walk into a store to get only one thing and you know exactly where you are going so rush in and rush out with your mind focused on that one thing??? Well, that is how this man was. When he walked into the building he was starring straight at us with a smile on his face. As he walked through the doors until he reached our table he never stopped starring at us. This strange feeling came over me immediately... When he got to our table/booth he said "Hello,I was just wondering if I could leave some brochures on your table to help advertise my lawn care business" of course I said yes and so he said that he would bring them back tomorrow night. He then handed me his business card, shook my hand and said "thank you, Ashley" and walked away...I HAD NEVER MET THIS MAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!!(nor was I wearing a name tag) I stood there for the longest time (or at least it felt that way) just holding his card in my hands and wanting so bad to stop the man but I couldn't speak I was shocked...Then I looked down only to find the card to be a John Deere color with a golden angel printed on it playing the trumpet. I lost it...I began to cry..I just could not understand the small things that I kept thinking about..like, why would you have that printed on your "lawn care" business card? Why would you choose our booth to advertise on when you could have used the front tables closer to the entrance to get better views? I looked at Kristen cause she too had been handed the business card and she too was crying...We did not even pack up our table we just left. When I returned the next day anxiously awaiting the arrival of this man so I could ask questions I soon learned that I would have lots of unanswered questions....HE NEVER RETURNED...
Now I am sure some of you are probably thinking no big deal just a fluke thing. And that is fine you can believe what ever you like and I will continue to believe that this was meant to happen for a reason. I got peace in my heart that night....I tucked that business card away into my boxes full of memories and decided that I would never EVER let it be lost. While discussing this on facebook the other day Laurie told me that I had never shared this story with her nor had I ever showed her the card...which is very strange..so I scanned it in today and emailed it to her, along with a poem I wrote one day while sitting at the gravesite. (I did that a lot the weeks following his death).
Please DO NOT try calling the number on this card...lol...I do not want to know if it is real or not...I want it left the way it is so I can always have that peace in my heart....I believe it was Eric's way to tell me "hey fivel" (which was his nick name for me, it use to make me sooo mad...lol) I am where I need to be and I will always be in your heart....
On June 23rd 2000 I lost a dear friend of mine in a car wreck. Eric Ryan Young was one of those people that loved you for YOU!!He was a jack of all trades. One of his many jobs was lawn care. He had built his business up a lot over the years and was well known in the community for his nice neat PERFECTLY straight lines in his grass...lol...I can remember him talking about grass on peoples lots as we drove by them, he would always say "my John Deere could do a better job than that" then laugh at himself.His favorite equipment was John Deere as was his favorite color. We had so many really great times together that I could not even begin to list them. The day that Eric died was like a dream actually probably from that day and the two weeks following that day were a dream. I can remember being at my sisters house and my friend Tiffany knocking on the door. When I opened it her facial expressions was all I needed to see to tell something was wrong. When she told me my heart just broke in to a million pieces. I can remember the funeral home being so full of people those few days that there was at least an hour wait at times to get through the doors. I can still picture him lying there and just waiting for him to sit up and say something...How I wish I could have gotten one of his lawn care shirts he was working on getting...I knew in my heart that Eric was in heaven and watching us.But what happened two months later is what really gave me peace of mind.
In August my friend Kristen and I were working a booth for my sister at the southern ky fair in Bowling Green. We were extremely bored with the whole thing and we were actually about to pack up things when this man approached our table. (bear with me as I try to explain this for all to understand)do you know how when you walk into a store to get only one thing and you know exactly where you are going so rush in and rush out with your mind focused on that one thing??? Well, that is how this man was. When he walked into the building he was starring straight at us with a smile on his face. As he walked through the doors until he reached our table he never stopped starring at us. This strange feeling came over me immediately... When he got to our table/booth he said "Hello,I was just wondering if I could leave some brochures on your table to help advertise my lawn care business" of course I said yes and so he said that he would bring them back tomorrow night. He then handed me his business card, shook my hand and said "thank you, Ashley" and walked away...I HAD NEVER MET THIS MAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!!(nor was I wearing a name tag) I stood there for the longest time (or at least it felt that way) just holding his card in my hands and wanting so bad to stop the man but I couldn't speak I was shocked...Then I looked down only to find the card to be a John Deere color with a golden angel printed on it playing the trumpet. I lost it...I began to cry..I just could not understand the small things that I kept thinking about..like, why would you have that printed on your "lawn care" business card? Why would you choose our booth to advertise on when you could have used the front tables closer to the entrance to get better views? I looked at Kristen cause she too had been handed the business card and she too was crying...We did not even pack up our table we just left. When I returned the next day anxiously awaiting the arrival of this man so I could ask questions I soon learned that I would have lots of unanswered questions....HE NEVER RETURNED...
Now I am sure some of you are probably thinking no big deal just a fluke thing. And that is fine you can believe what ever you like and I will continue to believe that this was meant to happen for a reason. I got peace in my heart that night....I tucked that business card away into my boxes full of memories and decided that I would never EVER let it be lost. While discussing this on facebook the other day Laurie told me that I had never shared this story with her nor had I ever showed her the card...which is very strange..so I scanned it in today and emailed it to her, along with a poem I wrote one day while sitting at the gravesite. (I did that a lot the weeks following his death).
Please DO NOT try calling the number on this card...lol...I do not want to know if it is real or not...I want it left the way it is so I can always have that peace in my heart....I believe it was Eric's way to tell me "hey fivel" (which was his nick name for me, it use to make me sooo mad...lol) I am where I need to be and I will always be in your heart....
Monday, March 15, 2010
Answers!
I am still searching inside myself for all the answers! This weekend was a bit over whelming for me. I am not even sure why becasue it was a great weekend, but I found myself pushing God away all weekend. Isn't it funny because I spent all weekend in a church. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more. I often wonder if I am praying the correct way? Is there a wrong or right way to pray? I want so much to be a part of something but yet I can not quiet make myself join..Does that make sense? I have unfortunately suffered with depression since I was probably 15 years old. I find it a bit stupid (for lack of better words) because REALLY what do I have to be so darn depressed about? But I get in these ruts where one day I am great and the next day all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I wonder why it affets me like this? I wonder why I have to suffer with this? I have healthy beautiful kids a great husband whom I might add God has blessed beyond words. A WONDERFUL job and most importantly I know I have GOd in my heart. But yet I still struggle with happiness....I don't want to anymore, I do not want this to be passed on through my girls cause I definetly never want them to have to feel this way.
Some days my girls face is the ONLY thing that keeps me going and not laying back down in the bed and crying all day...
On the outside I am a seemingly normal happy person but on the inside I have sooo many unanswered questions about life, God, family, and I think that is what brings me down some days. I told Chad yesterday that I want to be ableto understand the Bible better. If I am called to help people then maybe my calling is bringing people to the Lord? But shouldn't that be what we ALL do. I need a friend to do this with. I need somebody that I can ask questions to and get the right answers and scripture to back it up. What I wouldn't give for someone to care enough to come to my house and sit with me and explain. I can not learn the Bible like I need to in a class room setting.
I know today is going to be a better day which means this week will be great as well. I have had a GREAT morning do far.
I just often need to get on here and ramble so for those of you just now reading don't get scared away....I just often feel confused....lol :)
Some days my girls face is the ONLY thing that keeps me going and not laying back down in the bed and crying all day...
On the outside I am a seemingly normal happy person but on the inside I have sooo many unanswered questions about life, God, family, and I think that is what brings me down some days. I told Chad yesterday that I want to be ableto understand the Bible better. If I am called to help people then maybe my calling is bringing people to the Lord? But shouldn't that be what we ALL do. I need a friend to do this with. I need somebody that I can ask questions to and get the right answers and scripture to back it up. What I wouldn't give for someone to care enough to come to my house and sit with me and explain. I can not learn the Bible like I need to in a class room setting.
I know today is going to be a better day which means this week will be great as well. I have had a GREAT morning do far.
I just often need to get on here and ramble so for those of you just now reading don't get scared away....I just often feel confused....lol :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
PRESS ON!
This song says so much without me even typing a message with it. I am a music NUT...I am so inspired by music and when I find a good song that really has a great meaning I like to share it. I LOVE this group and their cd has been playing in my car non stop all week. I am sure as I am driving down the road with my hand raised in the air praising God people driving by probably think I am nuts...but that is okay I could only wish they could be in my car feeling what I feel at that very moment...I am very very proud to be that girl!
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