WHY AM I LIKE THIS AGAIN ??

For some reason this whole day has been a blur to me. I have been so emotional today for some reason. I think it has to do with the rain... I know we need the rain but it always depresses me for some reason. (no I am not pregnant LOL) I am always an emotional person if you really know me then you already know that..

It all started this morning...When I got up I got in the shower as Chad was coming through the front door from work. By the time I got ready and got Peyton ready he was just about asleep and I really just wanted to crawl back in the bed and snuggle up close to him and go back to sleep... That is when I started to feel sad. (Yeah I know very silly) I got to work and started reading a blog (I swear I do my job well) It was the blog about Audrey caroline. If you all have not read it please do so. It is a very sad story but she is such a wonderful writer that it made me glued to the story ...I think I pretty much read the whole thing with out even looking up. What a wonderful christian woman. With such strong faith. I do not know this woman but after reading her story I can say that I feel like I have known her for years. I then forwarded the story on to my sister which was probably not a good thing ....She called me balling her eyes out at work in the bathroom..Telling me if I ever sent her something so sad again she would kill me.. Sorry sis...But we both thought that the story was so close to my sisters story.... Some of you know most of you probably dont..... When my sister was pregnant with Bayleigh she went for her first ultrasound and the doctors told her that something was not right with the baby. He said that the babies head appeared to be larger than normal. My sister was sent to Lexington for test to be ran. After all the tests were completed they told her that the baby was in the 95th percential of being abnormal. They said if she lived she would never be able to live outside the womb. Of course my sister was a basket case. The doctors told her that she could abort the pregnancy now so that she would not have to deal with the hurt later. ...... My sister struggled for a long time with what to do... Could she raise a baby with complications? Should she bring that hurt on Lindsay and Cole if the baby was to die? So many questions and just not enough anwers... She knew that there was no way that she would ever be able to terminate the pregnancy. My sister went almost the full nine months thinking that her baby was going to have problems when she was born.... As time got closer the doctor told her that things were starting to look good and the head was forming correctly and that this maybe okay but her heart would have to be checked when she was born. My sister gave birth to Bayleigh WITH NOT ONE PROBLEM wrong with her....That is right all the worrying and the what if's and the if I's were gonna within a matter of minutes when she was born. I know that God was with my sister and Bayleigh the entire nine months.. And I know that God will not give to you nothing that you can't handle. I could not even imagine what life would be like without my precious little niece Bayleigh running around getting into things and beating up her big brother and big sister. She is always the center of attention. She is the most loving child and will sit in my lap with her blanket and watch elmo for hours... I love her so much and I thank God for giving us the miracle 4 years ago.

Now maybe you can kind of see how this story and Audrey's story were close. Granted we had a very happy ending to our story. But I know by reading this blog that God did not give her more than she can handle...This mother is amazing and loves GOd and thanks God every day for the life that she has. Granted I am sure she ask's him a lot of questions but she is the most Godly woman I have ever heard.

Of course after my emotional roller coaster while reading this blog I had to take a break from it. When I got home and Chad left for work I decided to go to the dollar store to get Peyton some new panties and then went onto Missy's for a visit... Bless her heart I felt sorry for her all over again.. She is so emotional and nothing I could do would help her out... I wish that I could some how ease the pain and depression I know that she is feeling but I can't. I can only be a friend and listen to her cry and help her out when I am needed. I just hope she truly knows that she can call me at anytime.... I LOVE YOU MISSY!!

Well it is now late and I need to go to bed. I am just wore out and I am really thinking that I have talked myself out of having anymore babies... I really just dont know if I want to go through all that worrying again or not... I guess time will tell. I change my plans for life daily so I guess you are all on this roller coaster I call life with me.....

UNTIL NEXT TIME ~~~

THESE ARE MY GIRLS

After my crazy weekend it was nice to just relax with Heather and Peyton last night. As I was attempting to put Peyton to sleep last night she was making every attempt to stay awake. Every five minutes she was up wanting something or crying for her daddy. Just anything to stay awake!! Heather and I were getting ready to watch Army Wives (which by the way was a re run arrgghh) Peyton hollers at me ans says "Mom I just want you and Heather ato snuggle me for a while" So I said okay and we crawled into bed with her (my bed that is, I hate sleeping alone so when daddy works nights she gets to sleep with me) So the photo above is our little photo shoot while trying to get her to go to sleep..LOL!! I just don't know what I would do with out a friend like Heather... She is truly great!!

I am hoping to go to Missy's tonight I have not gotten to see the baby all weekend so it is way past due. I hope that I can hold him all evening..He is just so cute.
I have more pictures to post later...so keep checking back..

Ash

WELCOME BABY BOY !!!

Ashlee Kash entered into the world on Monday August 18th 2008 at 6:25 p.m. he weighed 8lbs 5 oz and was 20.5 inches long. He is the cutest little baby...Mom and him are both doing very well... I just can't get enough of him...I feel like time is standing still until they come home and I can sit on the couch and snuggle him. I am so glad he is finally here. Now I just have to sit and wait for Rob and Miranda to have their little one. Hopefully we find out what they are having soon. Then I just have to work on talking Chad into another one soon :)

I am ready for this week to be over. Chad and Jeff bought a pontoon boat off ebay so they will be traveling to Georgia to get it Thursday. I guess I am glad but to me a pontoon boat is just a boat...I am sure we will have fun on it.. Our bathroom is still not complete I am so ready for that to be done it shouldn't be to much longer though. I will be on cloud nine when I can move all my stuff back into to my bathroom and stop having to squeeze all my stuff into Peyton's bathroom..Thank goodness that I have two bathrooms I would be lost.Chad and I went Friday night and watched the movie Mirrors....It was really weird and scary and I am just not much on scary movies anymore. Plus I guess I am just getting old but I hate paying to go see movies when the people in the theaters act like a bunch of idiots. I get so aggrevated at those people that I can never just enjoy the movie.

This weekend I have to get fitted for the bridesmaid dresses for Heather and Laymond's wedding...I am excited but scared too. Hopefully I have lost a little more weight since I tried it on the first time. It looked good but it would be nice for it to be loose...LOL!! Then Sunday I will be going to their wedding shower. That will be fun never a dull moment with Heather and Laymond... I am so happy for them and honored to be in their wedding.... I CAN'T WAIT ....

Well I have to work at the Restore for a bit today...I guess I am prepared for that LOL!!! I am sure it will be fine I know it is probably bad to say but since I have been back at my office I have only been to the restore for a total of 20 minutes.... I just got so burnt out over there.

Hope you all have a wonderful week.

GOD IS IN CONTROL

I have heard this before and I just melted when I heard it. Then I heard that it was a hoax that they set it up to happen....Well regardless what the situation is, it has moved me and I cry everytime I hear it. What an amazing thing. I only wish that I could be half that excepting when I lose loved ones..

BUT GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL!!!!

Another weekend gone.............

This weekend went by way to fast for me. I just wish for friday every monday...LOL!! I stayed busy pretty much all weekend. Friday I went to Missy's so we could go walking so me, her, Austin, and Peyton went walking around the cemetery in town we did about three laps I think and by that time the kids were ready to go. So we went back to her house (still no labor pains lol) We hung out there until about 9:30 then we came on home. Heather was suppose to come over at about 11:30 when she got off work but she didnt get here untl almost one. We stayed up and chatted for a while then I was about to fall asleep at the table so I went on to bed. We got up Saturday morning went to that new store called All Mart very very cute...I was very impressed they had a lot of really cool things in there. Then we were going to go to Bowling Green but we promised the guys we would make them lasagna before they went to work so we decided to just go to Beaver Dam get what we needed and go back home. We got home started making the lasagna (well Heather did I had never made lasagna before)It was really good though and the guys got there bellies full before work. Then Missy and Austin came over Dewayne was watching UFC fights and Missy was not looking forward to sitting there so she decided to come sit at my house. Which was not very exciting but I guess better than UFC fights. We ended up calling it a night about 11 or so and I went to bed. I am sure Heather was up for a little while she is the night owl now. The sunday mom said she would keep Peyton so Heather and I could could go do some wedding shopping. So that is what we did. We went to every store possible. We had a really good time shopping and talking all day. Not that we dont do that at home. LOL!!! We didn't get home in time for Peyton to see her daddy before he left for work and you would have thought it would have killed her. She cried and cried. So she was going to right him note and leave it his truck so we went up there and she was writing her note and then he walks up. She was so excited. She just jumped into his arms. LOL!! She is such a daddy's girl.
Heather and I stayed up until almost one this morning listening to a million cd's so we could find exactly what songs she wanted for her wedding. That was actually fun we acted like a bunch of idiots. Dancing to old school stuff and talking about the memories with each song. FUN TIMES WITH MY HEATHER!!

So needless to say this morning I was dead to the world. But I woke up to the smell of sausage so that made things all better. Chad and Peyton were making sausage and eggs when I got up. So we set down at the table and had breakfast this morning that was nice.... My day at work was long. I got quite a bit accomplished though so I am thankful for that.

Tomorrow brings another day.....THANK GOD FOR THAT !!!

I wonder why ............

MY LITTLE PIRATE

I am not quite sure why I feel so BLAH today but my morning didn't start very well and that is probably why I just want to go home and craw back into my comfy bed next to Chad and snuggle him so I can go fast asleep..... He starts back to work tonight I really didn't think I would hate it so bad but I really do. I hate being alone in my bed. I guess Heather will just have to snuggle me...HAHAHA JUST KIDDING HEATHER DON'T BE AFRAID!! I have been thinking about so many things this morning. I have all the sudden gotten into this depressing mood. Everything in my life is absoultely wonderful so why do all of a sudden feel like the world is sitting on my shoulders. I dropped Peyton off at daycare this morning...She was not happy she balled her eyes out and was crying so hard...She kept saying "mommma I want to go home" It literally broke my heart. I am sorry but I can not leave my child in that kind of shape. I would rather be late for work then to walk out the door with her thinking that I didn't care. Granted she is only 4 years old but she has some really strong feelings and she will tell me all about how I hurt them. So of course I have to stay there with her for a minute. She finally goes with Chris and listens to music. I left but the whole way to work I cried like a baby. I just hate it. I want her to enjoy her day and I know Peyton since she had such a crappy morning it will effect her whole day (she is just like her momma).
Sometimes I just get so mad at myself for being such a worry wart parent... You all don't know the half of it. Peyton was 22 months old before she stayed all night with ANYONE!!! EVER!!! Then she stayed four days with Chad's dad and we ended up picking her up early. Since then she has MAYBE stayed away from home 4 times without me and/or Chad with her. And all those times were because we had something going on and she had to stay not because she wanted to. She wants to stay with people all the time but I just can't let her. My emotions are a basket case the whole time. If I am trying to enjoy my time alone with just adults I can't do it. I am not sure how or why I got this way but I did and I HATE IT!!! If anyone knows a good way to lighten me up a little bit please let me know. I am now starting to get that way with leaving her at daycare. The thought of her starting school next year makes me want to vomit. I guess really I just hate change in routine. It messes everything up and confuses people. WOW I MAY ACTUALLY BE A LITTLE OCD AGAIN HUH??? LOL!! Oh well I can't help it this is just who I am. That is the only thing that makes me nervous about having another baby.....I really dont know if I can handle me worrying all over again with a new born...Although maybe since I have had one then the second one I wont be so bad. WHO KNOWS I am sure a baby will be a while away anyway.

Well I just wanted to ramble....This has actually helped me out .....I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Until Next Time ~

My days have been so long......

Well everyday I get ready sit down and update this page but everytime I sit down to do it something comes up. So now I will try!
Tuesday when I got home Chad and I went with Heather and Laymond up to there house to see what all had gotten done so far. They had dug all the footers so that was good. But of course it doesn't ever look big when it is just the footers. I am just so excited about the new build, heck I feel like it is my house...LOL!! Then we all came back to our house and made steaks, baked potatos and salads and watched some movies. Since they are all on night shift they have got my sleeping habits all of wack. I have been going to bed at like midnight or 1 am and then getting up and going to work.I am just wore out. Wednesday we had to take mom to Nashville to get her hard cast off and her boot on. I hate nashville traffic and I dont know how people can do it everyday I would loose my mind. We ate at hooters on the way home and for the first time I was not impressed something just didnt taste right. I dropped Chad off at my car at walmart, he did grocery shopping while me, mom and Peyton went on home. We went right through the big rain storm, I couldn't see anything. I got home about 7:30 last night and they were still at the house working on the shower. My bedroom and closet were covered in dust from the saw's they were using so when they left I told Chad that I could not handle the dirt anymore so I started cleaning away...I pulled the bed out and scrubbed the floors and under the dresser and chest of drawer. Then Chad wanted to move the furniture around which we never thought we would be able to do since our bedroom furniture is so big, but we were able to move it around and put my old area rug down in front of the bed. I love hardwood floors but I hate them too. They are pretty and that is about all I can say for them. I got to bed this morning about 1:00am. This morning I went to the Restore to post pictures up of the home builds. I was there until almost 11. Then by the time I got to the office I was ready for a nap..LOL!! I have been working on financials and getting pictures printed at walmart. When Missy went to the doctor yesterday she was dialated a full 3 and he said if his phone rings he would expect it to be her. I hope that happens tomorrow...I am so ready to old him....I am not a very paitent person anyway. I am hoping for an 8-8-08 baby for her. So we really got to keep trying for her to have this baby tomorrow... COME ON OUT ASHLEE KASH WE ARE ALL WAITING ON YOUR ARRIVAL!! This weekend Heather and I have been given strict orders from her mother to get some wedding things done so that is what our weekend will consist of. So we know what this means...NO MARIO FOR US THIS WEEKEND!! LOL!! TO BAD I GUESS!!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Monday Monday Monday......

I hate monday's I would rather just not have monday's and go straight to Tuesday. Granted that really wont change anything other than the name of the day but it sure would make me happy. This weekend was our first weekend of Chad working nights. It wasn't to bad of course I had Heather stay all night with me friday night and Saturday night. We are such goof balls we just stayed up both nights playing super mario brothers on my space aged super nintendo...LOL!! But we enjoyed it. Saturday we got up and we to Owensboro took Peyton to the animal store she was really excited about seeing all the stuff in there. She fell in love with a spongebob fish tank set so I guess Santa will have to invest in a fish tank for her. Maybe I am not sure I want to mess with that or not. LOL!! Then we went to the mall and Heather needed to get scrubs which was the whole point in going but they didnt have any of her's in stock so she was not happy about that. We then went an ate at Steak and Shake, got Chad and Laymond some food from Long John Silvers and headed home. When we got home we got ready and headed to Woodbury for the DD and Jeremy's wedding. It was a very beautiful ceremony and DD was gorgeous. What a perfect spot to have wedding. I had never even thought of that area before. Deana Jo and Jonnica were beautiful as well. And what beautiful little ones they both have! Dee thought she would need my help with everything but the girls seemed to have it under control. Congratulations Jeremy and DD.
I ended up partying out on Heather at about 1:00am Saturday morning the last thing I remember was texting Chad and when I woke up Sunday morning I still had my phone in my hand Chad's last text message said "I guess you fell asleep" LOL!! What a hoot. I am such a goober. I was bad Sunday I didnt wake up until almost 11:00 and Peyton was still fast asleep to. I needed the extra sleep so I was glad for that. I really just need to start getting in the groove of church again. So that is going to be my goal for this weekend. Peyton and I decided to go to Rob and Miranda's yesterday. Miranda called and said she was making lasagna so of course we had to go then...LOL!! I wanted to load up their tread mill in the van to take back to themso instead of bothering Chad I thought I would be super hero and load it myself.....I jsut about killed myself. That things was so heavy by the time I got it out to the van I was about to die started pulling it up in the van and realized I neede a new angle. So when I put it back on the ground that is when I realized I had scratched up the bumper really bad I almost cried. But then I was so mad at myself I just pushed one good time and got it in. Then Rob had to help me get it out and we loaded up my total gym. But at least we got that all done. Tristan just gets cuter everyday. I swear I could just hold him all day and it would never get old. Him and that blonde hair of his. He just loves Peyton so they played and played. He actually went to the big boy potty by himself Saturday. Rob said he ran in there pulled his diaper off shut the door came out of the bathroom and his eyes were huge. Rob said he knew there would be poop everywhere but when he went in there Tristan had pooped and pee'd in the potty. WOW !! I WAS SO HAPPY!! Now it may not happen again for a while but at least it happened once....
Well the weekend is over and now back to the real world of Monday...Hope all is doing well..

Until next time

I am so glad this week is over............

Every week I always look forward to Friday afternoon.Even though I am wishing my life away I still love my weekends as I am sure everyone does. Chad had his first full night shify last night so Peyton and I went to bowling green with Heather. We had a good time just went to walmart where I tried to print some pictures off but the stupid machine kept eating my cd so I decided not to mess with it last night I was to tired to stand there especially since I have been packing around about 20 cd's in my purse full of pictures. Then we went to home depot Heather found her a really pretty chandellier for above her kitchen table and some other lights and they were on clearance so she got a great deal on them. By the time we left there it was almost nine so we headed home. Peyton and I got showers and went straight to bed it was probably 10:30 before we fell asleep. I let her sleep with last night since Chad wasnt home I hate sleeping alone. Heather is staying all night tonight so that will keep my occupied well really we will just stay up playing super nintendo (yeah we have never been able to move to the high tech stuff lol) I had a workers comp audit today at work come to find out they cancelled us back in January. I was furious because I remember the conversation with the people and thought that they received payment on time. I never heard anything back from them and to be honest I forgot all about them. I had been so busy at the Restore and everything else I let so much stuff fall behind so now I am bringing stuff home with me to work on this weekend. But that is okay I am just glad that I have a job that allows me to do that.
My daddy is out of the hospital he is feeling much better but it definitly scared him to death he was not prepared for all the stuff they had to do to him when he went into the hospital for chest pains. He is a lucky man but I am sure glad to know that he is feeling better he had me worried. Joyce and Kevin are working on the shower again today. They have the floor in the shower all done and are now working on the walls, it is going to look really good I can not wait until its done. I am going to Dee Dee's wedding tomorrow night I am looking forward to it and I am really glad that things are coming together...I am sure it is going to be beautiful. Well so far so good on keeping up with this blogging thing and I actually really like it. Hopefully my weekend wont go as fast as last weekend went I want to just vegg out and maybe even do a little shopping with Heather and go to Missy's and help the baby come out quicker LOL!!
~~~UNTIL NEXT TIME ~~~