For some reason this whole day has been a blur to me. I have been so emotional today for some reason. I think it has to do with the rain... I know we need the rain but it always depresses me for some reason. (no I am not pregnant LOL) I am always an emotional person if you really know me then you already know that..
It all started this morning...When I got up I got in the shower as Chad was coming through the front door from work. By the time I got ready and got Peyton ready he was just about asleep and I really just wanted to crawl back in the bed and snuggle up close to him and go back to sleep... That is when I started to feel sad. (Yeah I know very silly) I got to work and started reading a blog (I swear I do my job well) It was the blog about Audrey caroline. If you all have not read it please do so. It is a very sad story but she is such a wonderful writer that it made me glued to the story ...I think I pretty much read the whole thing with out even looking up. What a wonderful christian woman. With such strong faith. I do not know this woman but after reading her story I can say that I feel like I have known her for years. I then forwarded the story on to my sister which was probably not a good thing ....She called me balling her eyes out at work in the bathroom..Telling me if I ever sent her something so sad again she would kill me.. Sorry sis...But we both thought that the story was so close to my sisters story.... Some of you know most of you probably dont..... When my sister was pregnant with Bayleigh she went for her first ultrasound and the doctors told her that something was not right with the baby. He said that the babies head appeared to be larger than normal. My sister was sent to Lexington for test to be ran. After all the tests were completed they told her that the baby was in the 95th percential of being abnormal. They said if she lived she would never be able to live outside the womb. Of course my sister was a basket case. The doctors told her that she could abort the pregnancy now so that she would not have to deal with the hurt later. ...... My sister struggled for a long time with what to do... Could she raise a baby with complications? Should she bring that hurt on Lindsay and Cole if the baby was to die? So many questions and just not enough anwers... She knew that there was no way that she would ever be able to terminate the pregnancy. My sister went almost the full nine months thinking that her baby was going to have problems when she was born.... As time got closer the doctor told her that things were starting to look good and the head was forming correctly and that this maybe okay but her heart would have to be checked when she was born. My sister gave birth to Bayleigh WITH NOT ONE PROBLEM wrong with her....That is right all the worrying and the what if's and the if I's were gonna within a matter of minutes when she was born. I know that God was with my sister and Bayleigh the entire nine months.. And I know that God will not give to you nothing that you can't handle. I could not even imagine what life would be like without my precious little niece Bayleigh running around getting into things and beating up her big brother and big sister. She is always the center of attention. She is the most loving child and will sit in my lap with her blanket and watch elmo for hours... I love her so much and I thank God for giving us the miracle 4 years ago.
Now maybe you can kind of see how this story and Audrey's story were close. Granted we had a very happy ending to our story. But I know by reading this blog that God did not give her more than she can handle...This mother is amazing and loves GOd and thanks God every day for the life that she has. Granted I am sure she ask's him a lot of questions but she is the most Godly woman I have ever heard.
Of course after my emotional roller coaster while reading this blog I had to take a break from it. When I got home and Chad left for work I decided to go to the dollar store to get Peyton some new panties and then went onto Missy's for a visit... Bless her heart I felt sorry for her all over again.. She is so emotional and nothing I could do would help her out... I wish that I could some how ease the pain and depression I know that she is feeling but I can't. I can only be a friend and listen to her cry and help her out when I am needed. I just hope she truly knows that she can call me at anytime.... I LOVE YOU MISSY!!
Well it is now late and I need to go to bed. I am just wore out and I am really thinking that I have talked myself out of having anymore babies... I really just dont know if I want to go through all that worrying again or not... I guess time will tell. I change my plans for life daily so I guess you are all on this roller coaster I call life with me.....
UNTIL NEXT TIME ~~~
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