I wonder why ............

MY LITTLE PIRATE

I am not quite sure why I feel so BLAH today but my morning didn't start very well and that is probably why I just want to go home and craw back into my comfy bed next to Chad and snuggle him so I can go fast asleep..... He starts back to work tonight I really didn't think I would hate it so bad but I really do. I hate being alone in my bed. I guess Heather will just have to snuggle me...HAHAHA JUST KIDDING HEATHER DON'T BE AFRAID!! I have been thinking about so many things this morning. I have all the sudden gotten into this depressing mood. Everything in my life is absoultely wonderful so why do all of a sudden feel like the world is sitting on my shoulders. I dropped Peyton off at daycare this morning...She was not happy she balled her eyes out and was crying so hard...She kept saying "mommma I want to go home" It literally broke my heart. I am sorry but I can not leave my child in that kind of shape. I would rather be late for work then to walk out the door with her thinking that I didn't care. Granted she is only 4 years old but she has some really strong feelings and she will tell me all about how I hurt them. So of course I have to stay there with her for a minute. She finally goes with Chris and listens to music. I left but the whole way to work I cried like a baby. I just hate it. I want her to enjoy her day and I know Peyton since she had such a crappy morning it will effect her whole day (she is just like her momma).
Sometimes I just get so mad at myself for being such a worry wart parent... You all don't know the half of it. Peyton was 22 months old before she stayed all night with ANYONE!!! EVER!!! Then she stayed four days with Chad's dad and we ended up picking her up early. Since then she has MAYBE stayed away from home 4 times without me and/or Chad with her. And all those times were because we had something going on and she had to stay not because she wanted to. She wants to stay with people all the time but I just can't let her. My emotions are a basket case the whole time. If I am trying to enjoy my time alone with just adults I can't do it. I am not sure how or why I got this way but I did and I HATE IT!!! If anyone knows a good way to lighten me up a little bit please let me know. I am now starting to get that way with leaving her at daycare. The thought of her starting school next year makes me want to vomit. I guess really I just hate change in routine. It messes everything up and confuses people. WOW I MAY ACTUALLY BE A LITTLE OCD AGAIN HUH??? LOL!! Oh well I can't help it this is just who I am. That is the only thing that makes me nervous about having another baby.....I really dont know if I can handle me worrying all over again with a new born...Although maybe since I have had one then the second one I wont be so bad. WHO KNOWS I am sure a baby will be a while away anyway.

Well I just wanted to ramble....This has actually helped me out .....I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Until Next Time ~