As I listened to Bro Gary preach this morning I had one of those relieving moments. You know the ones, when you hear the truth and you just feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. I have feared death for so many years that I have not been living my life to the fullest. We are all here on this earth for a time then when our so called "number" is up it is our time to go. I have a VERY hard time dealing with the death of loved ones, it is not something that I have EVER been able to coupe with very well. And for me it's not that I just hurt for the few days during the wake and the funeral I hurt for weeks,months, and years..I often find myself in prayer asking God "why" as I am sure he gets that question a lot. But we will NEVER know why. I can remember when Eric died I would just wait for his name to come up on my cell phone "just one more time" that is all I wanted was for him to know exactly how much he meant to me. When Tiffany passed away I wanted just "ONE" more day. I wanted and still want to just take back all the cancellations of plans and I wanted to hear her calming voice, I want just one more email to finish our long in depth talks. But I can't I can not have ANY of that back...I can only wait until the day that I walk the streets of Gold to see them standing at the end waiting for me. Why would I be so scared all these years to have that waiting for me? I will be in a place of no more heart ache or pain and I will be with the one and only!!! That gives me peace in my heart!! I have to stop holding back in my life for fear of dying and I need to proceed with what God has for me here and continue to live my life for him. I never really understood the whole process until today. Like Bro Gary said I am scared of Cancer, and all the horrible things that get put upon us but I have peace in my heart in knowing that God is waiting for me a long with my many friends who watch me each day.
When I was going home from work on Thursday I got stopped by the funeral procession of Dustin Belcher and I just stopped turned off the radio turned off my cell phone and rolled my window down and prayed to God that Amy and the girls and Josh and Jonnica, Lloyd and Melissa and the rest of the family would make it through this horrible tragedy. The quietness in the air (in the middle of the town) was calming. Though I did not have a close relationship with Dustin personally I knew him in school and I know that he always knew how to keep us all laughing. And I have known Amy for a while and have always just loved her she is so sweet and I pray that she finds comfort in the days to come. I will continue to remember them all in my prayers. It is definitely going to be a long road ahead.
I am glad that Bro Gary preached this today I needed to hear it and I needed comfort in knowing that I will be okay, That no matter what God will always be there for me with his arms open wide. Thank you Bro Gary for a wonderful sermon today and every Sunday!!
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