Understanding....

I don't want to be the peace maker anymore. I am tired of Chad and I getting fingers pointed at us and things blamed on us when we have done nothing but try to keep peace. We are not young kids living together like we were 10 years ago. We are married, parents, and christians trying to live our lives for us and our children. We get up EVERY morning and work so we can provide for our family. That is how it will always be. We live in OUR own house, pay OUR own bills, and we do not need ANYBODY else raising our children they are OUR kids and we have the right to have them around the people we feel they can be around, and to NOT have them around the people that we do not feel they can be around. WE ARE THE PARENTS WE HAVE THAT RIGHT. I have never wanted to just say bye bye to anyone more in my life than I do now. That may sound awful but it's the truth. And to think if I was not trying to be the peace maker and give everyone the benefit of the doubt we would not be in this situation now. I should have just gone the rest of my life not caring if these people were in our life or not. I have never in all my life felt more sorry for my husband than I do now. I pray that God is truly in his heart and comforts him from the pain I know he feels but will not admit to. The sad thing is I know it's not over, it's an ongoing battle that is been fighting in his family for YEARS AND YEARS and no matter what I say or do to help it will not change who these people are. The part I hate the most is no matter how hard I try to not let Peyton get hurt by separating family members it is eventually going to happen. Maybe not today or next year or in 5 years but one day she will be hurt like we hurt over the people in her own family. I hate that she is sucked into this warp right a long with us and I pray that God keeps her heart strong from hurting as the years pass her by. I just have to come to terms with the fact that these are mental conditions that can not be changed or made better no matter how hard we try to make to these people understand.

I ask God to forgive me for the things I said that were out of line I let my mouth and emotions get carried away before I thought the right words out to say. Please God lead me in the right direction and show me the right way to handle things that clearly go against what I believe in...