THIS IS ME

So when do things get better???? I know that sometime I tend to be a bit over dramatic and I tend to let things bother me that I shouldn't but that is me.That is who I have always been and guess what that is who I will always be. I get depressed and sad over things that I truly can not change. I worry about things that are way out of my control. I know that God is the only one that can help me with these problems of mine but anymore I am just not so sure I know how to talk to him about my problems. I have gotten out of church and that plays a big role in how I feel but I just haven't found that one church that I feel that I fit in. I know with out a doubt that church is where my family needs to be. And I am ashamed to admit that I am letting the Devil into our life. The bad part is, is that I know this....You would think that I wouls try everything I could to fix this problem but to be honest with you I am SOOOO freakin tired of fixing all the problems...I yearn for something more in my life. I know that God has put me here for a reason and I have still yet to find the reason. I have anger inside me, I have saddness inside me, I have hurt inside, I have love inside me, I have so much inside me and sometimes more bad than good. That is not me, I am not a bad person and I don't care WHO thinks I am. I know that I mean well I know that I try to live each day to the fullest. I don't want to wake up in the morning regretting the night before. I want those days of pain and hurt and anger to be over I want MORE out of my life. Sometimes I just want to sell my house and all my stuff and start over somewhere else. And I am not talking about down the road. I want to go FAR AWAY. I want to run as fast as I can run and never look back.....You know what else is bad .....I am not sure if I even want to have another kid anymore. I am even losing that part of me.....What is wrong with me??? I love kids. I love having Peyton in my life she is my everything to me ....But I guess maybe I just want HER to be my everything, I don't want her to have to share me with anyone else. I hurt for Chad and his family. I hurt so bad for them sometimes I can only cry....I pray for him to not be so bitter and I pray that God will touch him and show him that he needs to use his God given talk to praise God....That is what he loves to do so I pray that God speaks to him and brings him back to what he needs to be doing.... So much has changed and We all Know that I do not like change. I hate crying all the way to work every morning. It makes the whole day horrible and I hate feeling that at any time of the day I will lose it again.

PLEASE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY!!