Rambling Rambling Rambling!!!

I am that person who loves everyone for who they are not for what they look like or where they came from or the color of their skin. I have always for as long as I can remember been that person who will love you unconditionally, even if you hurt me I will forgive you and continue to love you unconditionally. I may not be the smartest person in the world, nor the most likey to make big bucks in my career but I really believe that my reward is seeing the changes that I can make in other peoples life. Everyday I go through struggles of my own that often hold me back from being that care free person that I know I am. I will just admit that I have been the black sheep of my family, it's not really a bad thing it's just the truth. I have always had different views on EVERYTHING compared to my mom, sister, and brothers. When I was younger I know that my mom struggled with me and my rebellious ways (yea that is right I said it) but for the most part I was always just fighting for what I knew was right. I was fighting for eqal opportunity. For the most part anyway, granted that wasn't all I got in trouble for during my school aged years but we will dust the other stuff under the rug for now. My mom never, and still to this day does not understand why I will not just keep my mouth shut when things don't go right and go with the flow. That is not me though, that may be how she handles her life and job and so on but as for me when I things are bing done incorrectly I am usually the first one to stand up and speak my mind about it. Now let me just stop there and say that sometimes I have spoken my mind on a whim and that has gotten me into trouble but of course not so much trouble that I couldn't get myself out of it. I struggled so much in High School because I had so much potential to change people's life but because of people knocking me down a long the way I choose the same path that several other people chose and did nothing during High School. I had everything I wanted in my teenage days but not everything I needed to keep me on the right path.

I wonder if at some point Jesus ever let the words of others affect him in a way where he choose the same road as everyone else? Or did he ALWAYS know he was the ONE?

I often play my life over and over in my head, why did I choose to quit basketball when I entered into High School?, Why did I date the stupid boy who turned my freshman year into a total madness, I could have done so much better? Why did I choose to get in the car with a drunk driver and risk my life? Why did I ride 4 wheelers like an idiot? Why did I befriend all the people that nobody else would?

I made a lot of stupid decisions in my life but I have to admit that they have made me the person that I am today. It is funny to me how age changes people. The things that I have done a million times as a teenager I would NEVER dare do know EVER...I am some what scared to ride on a 4 wheeler fast and if you know me very well then you know that I use to go places on 4wheelers that were just stupid. I am scared to drive fast, scared to say certain things. I am a believer that everything has a way of coming back to you. I do not want all that to come back to me in my children's life.

I guess I just needed to ramble on about nothing at all....

I guess I am just so thankful that I know God and that he lives strongly in my life. As a teen I didn't realize how important he would be in my life but God has been with me every step of my life and he knew where my life would end up regardless of all mistakes....He is a VERY forgiving GOD!!!