The "Claus"

To some people it is just a simple ceramic Mr. & Mrs. Claus....To me it is my entire childhood memories all wrapped into one! Every year for as far back as I can remember my mother has displayed the ceramic Mr. & Mrs. Claus every year at Christmas. When I was young I can remember prentending they were alive and pretending they would walk and even do the famous "HO HO HO", I loved them, when those were put out every year it was just one more thing to remind us that Christmas was close. Of course as I teenager I could have caredless about those silly ceramic statues that sat near the fire place, I am not quiet sure at what age I stopped picking them up and pretending with them, but I always knew they were there. They were kind of like my star on top of the tree, if they were missing I would have known. Last year at Christmas my mom decided to play a little game. She sat us all down and read us this VERY sentimental letter she wrote about the history of the "Claus'" she decided to make them the traveling "Claus'" she decided to draw names as to who's house it would go to first, and of course it went to Rob and Miranda's (hence the reason I say he is her favorite lol) I had kind of forgotten about them until about 2 weeks or so before Christmas. The idea of the game is to pass them on the other siblings each year at Christmas so that "our" kids can enjoy them like we did. I must say that I was REALLY nice to Miranda ALL year cause I REALLY wanted the Claus' next...lol...At our annual Christmas get together, Miranda and Rob had already been scheming a great plan ALL YEAR
..Krista and I had to answer "history" lessons about the "Claus'" whoever got the most right was to get them for the year.

Krista was jumping for joy (LITERALLY)when she won the questions and of course I was devastated.
When she un wrapped them and pulled them out I knew smething was different. Mr. Claus looked newer and his hands looked different.
Miranda found an (almost identical) Mr. Claus at the flea market, he was an imposter. I immediately said "WAIT, something is not right, that is not the same one... Miranda then took both of them from my sisters arms....(I am pretty sure there was a tear in her eye, and an evil laugh coming from Miranda)
and gently handed them to me, She said, You are right, there is an imposter! In walks Robbie with the REAL Mr. Claus! Because I noticed that they were different I was able to WIN them back from Krista
....MUUUAAAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAA!!! Krista was able to take home the imposted Santa,
but we all know it will probably never be seen again, truth be known it's probably already broken! :) Mr. and Mrs. Claus are being displayed with love ontop of my China cabinet.
I can not wait to enjoy my year with Mr. & Mrs. Claus at the Bridges home. Though Chad is about to die cause I will have a piece of Christmas out all year, I guess I am trying to soften him up a bit. I am sure it wont work...Please stay tuned through out the year for Mr. & Mrs. Claus' sightings.. :)

~Until Next Time~

IT'S BEGINING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS!

So maybe to some people it is to early but to me it is right on time...If Chad would let me I would have my tree up already..I snapped a few pictures of the girls with there Christmas dresses on the other day, I was trying to practice on what to do for Christmas pictures. I am still not crazy in love with these pictures but I guess they will have to do..

Remembering

I MISS HER! I miss our talks, I miss our emails, I miss her laugh and her unconditional love for everyone! Everyone told me that in due time I would not feel so guilty for never making more of an effort to get us together more, but time has been passing quickly and I still feel the same. As I watch life passing us by so quickly I can not help but feel sad that she is not here, I hate that she is missing everything. It's weird when I see things going on in others life I can't help but think how things would have been so different if she were still here. She gave me hope, and inspiration to get through each day! I have our last emails that we wrote to each other printed and put in my Bible. I haven't read them in a long time, but I like to know that they are there when I am ready to read them. It is hard to read them cause she was so sick and in so much pain! I know I shouldn't but I always ask myself, WHY? I wonder if there will ever be days that I will forget her?, I don't EVER want to forget!

WOULD YOU?

"We are not the Audience of God, We are the BODY!" This was my "AHHH HAAAA" moment! For years I have set back and been the audience, I have let people around me influence my decisions in the past on things that I should have just done and not even thought about. I got a call this week from a friend of mine, she is recovering from a drug problem along with her husband and they are trying to get custody of their kids back. They were in need, they are living with family that is not helping there situation at all, but that is all they have so they have to settle. She contacts me and tells me she has not ate all day and that her family she is staying with is hiding food from her and she has no money to go buy any food. She needs a place to live but because of the choices she has chosen to make she has a criminal background which is hurting there hunt for a place to live. So anyway she tells me everything that has been going on in her life over the last 6 months or so. Now keep in mind I have known this person for YEARS, I have watched her come in and out of drugs for YEARS. When I hung up the phone I quickly just started praying. I didn't know what to do in this situation I did not want to involve myself in a potentially bad situation but I knew I needed to help her out. I decided to ask a few people's opinion on the situation, with out giving any information as to who this person was I asked around to a few people and I was quickly told NOT to get involved....This ate away at me, I could not knowingly let someone be hungry...I contacted my friend and I heard nothing back from her, so the next day I decided that if I had no other communication with her then I would leave it alone. About mid day the next day I recieved a message from her telling me once again she was in need of food. I did not even think twice, I left work went to the grocery store and bought about $40 worth of food (the bare essentials) that would help her until she got some money in. I loaded it in my car and took it to her. I did this not because I am rich and have lots of money to spend on other people, not because I wanted to hold it over her head and wait for her to repay me the money, and certainly not because I wanted to let everyone know......but because it was the "RIGHT" thing to do. I am not the one who has to judge her. When I left her house she could have very well went and sold everything I purchased and got cash so she could have bought her next fix, Or she could have went inside and ate EVERY single thing I bought cause she was REALLY hungry... I may never know what she did and I don't care if I know what she did, I did what I felt led to do. I was not able to help out a whole lot but if I feel I was able to give her a hand up, not a hand out. She sent me a message the next day and told me that she had a GREAT lead on a place to live and she was going to check it out that day, but she also had the option to go to permanent drug rehabilition center that would give her continous help to keep her clean and have her kids with her. So regardless of what she chooses I can only pray that she stays clean, I may have been the only person who was willing to help her out and by that one quick choice I choose to do I may have very well given her the encouragement she needed to keep on living!
I was NOT the audience, I did not sit back and wait for someone else to "hopefully" help her I took the time and I just did it, I did not let ANYONE around me influence my decision I just did it. Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do in that situation but I did it. I was the "BODY"!

IT FILLS MY HEART!

If I am your friend and I know you inside and out, I know where you came from and I know what life you grew up in, then DO NOT for one second look down on me and think that you are better than me. You may think you have it all but I am here to tell you that you don't. Until you realize that Jesus Christ gave his life for you to live then you will always be lost! When I can lay down next to my husband each night knowing that after 10 years of ups and downs and going through what we have gone through I can still get butterflies in my stomach that fills my heart up. When I lay in the floor at night with my baby girls crawling all over me and giving me their sweet lil kisses that fills my heart. When I wake in the middle of the night and go watch them sleep so peacefully in their beds that feels my heart. God put me in this spot for a reason. He pulled us through each heart ache, through each town, through each dead end he was ALWAYS waiting to pick us up. There is not ONE doubt in my mind that he was not behind all of the paths in my life. You may make fun of me and talk about my life style to others but just know that I AM NOT ONE BIT ASHAMED OF BEING A CHRISTIAN!! I will raise my kids in a Christian home and teach them right from wrong. I will never be perfect but I will a Child of God and with that all things are possible.....even PERFECTION!

Happy 9 month Birthday!

It's hard to believe that 9 months have passed by so quickly, but I wanted to post this...look how ABSOLUTLEY BEAUTIFUL SHE IS!! Thank God for this wonderful gift!

Reality!

Everytime I hear my husband sing for God's glory I am over come with emotion. It doesn't seem like all that long ago he won my heart by singing to me in the truck one night while driving to Bowling Green before we were even dating.....I melted, and I can still say I am melting after all these years. Though it is a different kind of melt, When I watch him stand and sing in front of a crowd of people and raise his hands praising God, I MELT! To see a man who has come from the bottom to the man he is today just warms my heart! Chad coould testify to you and when he was done talking you would be amazed that he is standing before the Lord doing what he is today. I could testify and you may ask me why I would stay in a marriage for 8 years when at times I was sure we had fallen to far gone for recovery. God knew, He knew exactly what he wanted to do with us. So when I sit in my car each morning and drive to work and wish to be in a far off town along a body of water watching my girls play worry free on the beach I quickly snap my self back into reality and Thank God for the many blessings he has already given to me and my family. Though I have to admit if he want to bless us with that reality to I would sure take it...lol! When I lay Tarryn down for bed at night and she cries and screams at the top of her lungs until I play Resurrection Bound on my phone and within minutes she has fallen asleep that gives me peace. Since she was about a month old that is all she has known. When I put my ear phones in my ear and listen to their new cd and I hear Peyton saying the Pledge that gives me joy, the kind of joy I never thought I could feel. I am not worthy of his great love but I am certainly glad that he has given it to me. I just pray that I do the right things in my life and that I can continue to raise my girls in good christian values!

Habtiat!

Meet Sahzija, Sahzija is a Habitat homeowner who came here from Bosnia about 15 years ago. Her husband died in the war over there and she was left with her special needs son to raise on her own. She had nothing but she knew she had to get out of Bosnia. She came to the states and ended up here in Bowling Green. She has worked VERY VERY hard the entire time she has been here and was well deserving of a Habitat House.....It's people like this beautiful woman who makes me LOVE my job! She is kind,loving,and appreciative. I love my job and each of the homeowners. Thank you God for giving me these moments to cherish forever!

Confusion

I have never been more confused about anything in my life than I am right now about Church, Jesus, America, Christianity etc. Now don't read into that statement, I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and I know without him in my life I would not be where I am today. He has given me everything I have. But I am confused, there are sooooo many questions that I ask and never get the full answer to them. I am confused on ALL OF IT! Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and say I give up. I guess maybe I am just not having the discussions with the right people. I am completely torn between all the different religious beliefs, ok maybe not torn but confused for sure! If we are suppose to love everyone then how come so many people pick and choose? I hate to hear when I talk to people about church and they say to me "well I don't go to church cause the people in the church looked down on me" Well in my eyes if you are a sinner or a lost person shouldn't you be welcomed into a church with open arms so that you will be comfortable to learn about God's forgiveness? It bothers me to know that churches are often ran like big businesses, the people who have been there the longest get away with making all the decisions and never taking in to consideration the people of the church, I hear about this often. If God has led somebody into the doors of a church we should make them feel welcome and keep in touch with them so that they do not fall away and so they want to come back to the church! I myself am guilty of not keeping in touch with people I know that need me. I lost my friend Tiffany a couple years ago and I still give myself a hard time about not staying in contact with her like I should have... and she needed me! We were able to communicate through emails and text messages the last year of her life but I should have done more, I should have went to see her...but I failed to do so. Oh another confusing note, (yea I know I am all over the place) I am confused by the whole mosque being built near the world trade center memorial. I am just confused as to why if we are Americans can we tell them they are not allowed to build a place of worship? Now dont start sending me hate mail yet, I understand how hurtful it must be for the families of those who perished in the 9/11, but in my own opinion these people who are wanting to build the mosque did not do this to them, yes other people with the same religious backgrounds did but these particular people did not! I dont know maybe I am just not looking at this from the perspective....again I am confused! From a religious stand point I do not agree with the beliefs that the muslim believe at all. What do you all think about this? Again I dont want hate mail I want "HELP" mail, LOL! I have been reading my Bible a lot hoping that it would help me figure out a lot of my confusions but it has just made me more confused....lol...I am at a place in my life where I want to know and I need to know for my sanity..lol..

I must say though I truly love God, I do not doubt his exsistence nor do I doubt what I know he can heal!

FOREVER FREE

I watched an illness take a loved one from our home, you know sometimes life just ain't fair she made reservations and I know where she's going there's no sickness waiting there as we gathered round her we knew the time was near we watched her slowly slip away, such a peacful feeling came into that room I could almost here her say....my struggles over, I'll fight no more I lost a battle but I won the war. Victory is sweet as I bow here at his feet don't weep for me, OH if you could see I'M FOREVER FREE....There's a time to laugh and a time to cry a time to live and a time to die, you know that's something that everyone's gonna face if we live our life though christ keep the faith and fight the fight when it comes our time we can say......my struggles over, I'll fight no more I lost a battle but I won the war. Victory is sweet as I bow here at his feet don't weep for me, OH if you could see I'M FOREVER FREE!

What wonderful meaning this song has in it.. To her Donna sing this song gives me chills, It is a MUST hear if you have not heard it before.

My baby is growing

My baby girl is growing up soooo fast! It makes me so sad when I realize that this is my last baby, Yea I know I have plenty of time to still do baby things but in 4 months she will be a year old...HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? She melts my heart and has brought me so much joy since the first time I held her in my arms. I have nobody to thank but God for giving me this preciouse gift and of course my other precious gift Peyton!

THOUGHTS

This is a cycle, that at anytime we can stop it and make it go a different way. Why do we not see all the poverty in our own country...or better yet even in our own back yard. Come walk with me for a day around the few blocks of my office and I can show you some poverty. I am sure a lot of people think that these peoplecould end there own poverty by simply stopping the cycle there selfs, but how do you do that if you are a person who has never even learned to read or write. By cycle I mean that usually 99% of the time a person who is living in poverty did not come from a wealthy family and just decide to live like this. They came from a family where they too lived in poverty all the way back to as far as they can remember they lived in poverty. Some people do not even have fresh drinking water. I am not talking over in Africa either I am talking RIGHT HERE IN BOWLING GREEN KY! How do we stop this cycle. How about not buying those pair of earrings that you think you HAVE to have and give that money to an organization that will help rebuild the community. That's right for the price you pay for that latte you could be helping a family be able to eat a good meal tonight. Think about that the next time you are sitting down with your family in a nice cozy house at your kitchen table eating dinner. Think about the people just right down the road who have NOTHING to offer there kids. Lets give them a hand up....not a hand out. My goal this year for christmas time is to sit Peyton down (Tarryn is to young) and talk with her about raising money to help those in need. I would love to find a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen that I could take her to and we could work at and maybe let her see that some people including kids do not get ANYTHING at Christmas time. I am going to limit the number of gifts she gets to very minimal and then let her be involved in some sort of program to help the kids in our community who need it most. Now I jsut have to find the area that needs the most help and come up with a plan to help them out...Or maybe even a family in Morgantown who is in need I can help out this year... Iam going to do my research on this.. I think you should all try to do the same this year..Because really, does your kids even play with all the junk they get at Christmas?

PRAYING!

PRAYER REQUEST!!

PLEASE REMEMBER ROBERT CUNNINGHAM AND HIS FAMILY IN YOU PRAYERS, ROBERT HAS GONE THROUGH SO MUCH SO HAS HIS FAMILY I JUST PRAY THAT HIS PAIN IS CONTROLLED AND HE CAN BE AT EASE. PLEASE ALL PRAY

PLEASE REMEMBER CHAD IN YOUR PRAYERS AS WELL AS WE TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT IS CAUSING HIS PAIN. WE KNOW GOD IS POWERFUL AND CAN HEAL HIM AND HIS PAIN!

THE POWER OF PRAYER WORKS, SO PLEASE PRAY FOR ALL THE SICKNESS!!!

8 years and counting

I love you! Not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you. You have given me joy in my life that would have never found anywhere else. You have given me two amazing girls who are my life. It is amazing to think back to where our life was 8 years ago and where it is now. I am in awe when I see what God has done for us just in the last year. God has picked us up when we were down he has given us love when we thought we could not love anymore, He has shown us his presence in more ways than one. I can honsetly say I could not imagine my life with out my husband in it. He is my best friend, my soul mate and I am more in love with him now than I was 8 years ago...THANK YOU CHAD FOR BEING SO WONDERFUL TO ME!

The Next Chapter

I have NEVER been more proud of my husband than I am now. Resurrection Bound's new cd is coming soon and of course its Chad's first cd so of course we are overly excited. This weekend we went to Donna's and listened to the demo cd which arrived in the mail and......wow....I was just overcome with joy not only for the how great the cd was for the joy in Chad's eyes as he listened to each song. I am just here to tell you that he has a story to tell....and a good one at that..his testimony is helping so many people in their life struggles. If it hadn't of been for all the bad that he encountered in his life he would not be in this same place today. I know that may sound weird but it is soooo true. Chad has come so far I can't even begin to try to explain it all. When we got married almost 8 years ago he was a different man, I can honestly say that I am more in love with him now than I was then. I stuck by him through some of the darkest times in his life and because of our love for one another we are were we are today. I can not wait to share the new songs with you all and as soon as I get approval I will post one of the songs on here for all to see. Hopefully that will be very soon!

Only God Knows Why

It is weird how 10 years can pass by soooo quickly...This very date 10 years ago I stood in my sisters living room and fell to the floor crying when I heard the news of Eric's death. I didn't believe it I just wanted it to be a dream and I wanted it to all go away. I can still remember his smile and his sense of humor, I will NEVER forget the LOVE he had for his Church and his family!! A love that I will never forget about him. At that time in my life he was the strongest christian friend I had. I knew that when I had a problem I could call him and he would listen to me. I still find myself struggling with the whole "WHY" question. But I know that only God knows why, and the reunion we will have when we meet again someday is going to be the best.. I miss him very very much but I know he is watching over me! Here is a video of the song he use to LOVE to listen to and often sing to as loud as he could... LOL...GREAT MEMORIES THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET!

Waiting....

I am still searching. I am pretty sure that I will be searching for the "reason" God put me on the earth for the rest of my life. Is it weird that I have a VERY good life but I still feel empty? And I don't mean empty like you may think but just empty in the sense of something is missing. I am not doing something in my life that I should be doing and therefore I am missing a piece. I have fought this feeling for many years but only recently has it been a daily reoccurring emotion. I have gotten so much closer with God within the last year it is actually unbelievable to me. So I am thinking that maybe that is why I feel the way I do...I know that you all have read my blogs many times before about my need to help people..You would think that my job would be fulfilling my need, but it's not. Maybe because I am more behind the scenes and not really out there helping on the homes. But I still feel that need. I pray about it and ask God to show me what it is I am suppose to be doing. But I have yet to hear back from him...or have I? I hope if he is sending me signals he doesn't quit cause I have not gotten the ones he has sent so far... I can not wait until the day comes that I log into this blog and start typing about what it is I am here for. I am ready to share the next step in my life with my kids...Bring on the future I am ready for it...

A weekend with my family

THE PICTURE SAYS IT ALL.... It'a amazing to me that because 60 years ago my grandparents decided to get married we are all here today...They are still going strong after all these years... PRICELESS!

Tarryn Rae

PERFECTION!!! I can not believe that my baby is going to be 6 months old on June 1st.
Time is flying by and I don't want it to!

60 YEARS

June 16, 1950 My grandparents George & JoAnn Renfroe Married. 60 years later and they are still going strong. 60 YEARS! I can not even imagine 60 years with Chad. (not that it would be a bad thing lol) The picture that I have posted was taken the day of their wedding and in the picture is my nanny's mom (Nanny Tubert) and my Papaws parents (Ralph and Ruth Renfroe). I do not have any memories of my nanny Tubert, sadly she passed away before I was born I have only heard some wonderful memories. My Nanny Ruth and Papaw Ralph were still living when I was younger. I have fond memories of going to their house. I can still remember the pink (or peachy color) tile bathroom that had a phone in it..If I close my eyes and think back to those days I can still smell the food that my nanny was cooking. Papaw Ralph was always outside doing something usually in the garden I do believe. Unfortunately I was so young when they were alive I have very little memories...But I can hear the sound of Nanny Ruth's rocking chair squeeking as the rocked back and forth in it. (The rocking chair is not at my mothers house)I use to love sitting in it when I was younger. I would actually love if she would let me get it finished and put it in my living room....HMMMMM, I may have to work on that one.
I can only pray that God stays in mine and Chads relationship for 60 years. I am sure my grandparents have overcome MANY obsticles in their life and I hold the utmost respect for them. They are truly the ones that I need to model in order to live my life with my husband for 60 years...

TO RUN OR NOT TO RUN!

Ten years ago Chad walked into my life as a struggling man fresh out of the army whom had been in a bad marriage that lasted about a year and a half. When I first saw him after not seeing him for more than 4 years my heart melted...there stood this man that won my heart when I was just a young girl finding puppy love..From that very moment even though I was young I was determined to not let him get away from me again. I knew that if God brought him back into town and for Chad to come and look for me then there was a reason behind it. We continued as friends for a while and then quickly started dating..I was a Senior in High School and here was this older man whom had been half way around the world a time or two, he had already lived a life outside of our one horse town....and because of those things mom was terrified for me. As much as she complained about the situation the more I pulled closer to Chad (I am not sure why that works that way but I am praying for my girls sake it wont lol) I moved out of my moms house when I was a senior and moved in with Chad, not the smartest decision I have ever made but needless to say I did it. It was bad....unfortunately his family had a lot of problems which I had no clue about before..BUT I stayed! I stayed through the fights, through the screams, through the lack of money, I stayed...even when I was broken and hurt and I thought I had nothing left to give him....I STAYED!! Still to this day I am not for sure why, but I did. Chad and I married in 2002 a year after I graduated High School, times had gotten a little better at that point but it still wasn't perfect...We did not have good jobs, I decided against College and we lived with his family AGAIN!! It's funny now looking back over the last 10 years just how much stuff we have overcome together. If only then we knew where we would be at and what we would be doing today, maybe our first 5 years in our relationship would have been better. Through every hardship there has been happiness at the end. We have gone from sleeping in a camper trailer to owning our own home. We have gone from not knowing how to communicate without arguing to having full conversations without an argument. God has worked in our lives....and honestly I can not remember ever just praying for him to take over our lives....BUT God knew what he was doing the whole time. Chad and I discuss the whole "praising God" thing SEVERAL times...AND about a year ago Chad actually said to me... "I WILL NEVER be able to be that person that raises my hands up to praise GOD" of course I laughed at him and told him to never say never, and he said "trust me, Ashley" :)......WELL WELL WELL...It's funny how God will make you eat your own words some days... in the last two weekends CHAD'S ARMS COULDN'T HAVE BEEN HIGHER IN THE AIR! We got in the truck after church yesterday and I had not mentioned it at all until then, I said "HMMMMMM, honey seems like not long ago I remember you telling me you would never be the man to raise your arms to praise God".....of course I had that smirk on my face....and without hesitation he said to me...."I don't care what people think"....That's right my hubby is now the one standing in the choir with his arms raised high, and he is now the one getting sooo choked up with emotion he forgets his words to his songs (which Peyton thinks is hilarious)After Chad tells me that yesterday he also smiled real big and said "Do you know how many times God has told me to run!" BAAAAAHAAAAHAAA!!! I said "UH-OH, and through his laughter he said to me "GOD AND I HAVE BEEN ARGUING ABOUT THAT ONE".... :)

THANK YOU GOD FOR SHOWING UP IN MY HUSBANDS LIFE!! PLEASE IF YOU MAKE HIM RUN MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT FALL... :)

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Just because you are a big business man DOES NOT mean that you can walk into this office and think for one minute that we are going to change EVERYTHING that Habitat is about because you are willing to sponsor a house...Trust me we have other organizations that would be willing to sponsor a house and not act the way you do. Do you really not understand that 90% of the Habitat homeowners are african American? Do you not realize that 99% of the homes we have built are in the lower income areas of Bowling Green? Just because you have a nice title to your name and wear a suite DOES NOT mean that you can come here and try telling us that YOU want the house to be located on or near cirus square? Of course you do who doesn't? Did we show you any lots that we have over their right now? NO, we did not!! No, you can not have the "PERFECT" family for "YOUR" home. This is not about the show for your business involvement this is about providing people with decent, affordable housing and we are not going to pick favors over someone who is in need of a home. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

God has blessed me with these little moments that I will cherish forever!

I AM!

I AM A CHILD OF GOD!! I AM A MOTHER, DAUGHTER, SISTER, COUSIN, and AUNT....I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF ALL THOSE THINGS! But most of all I am very glad that our God is a forgiving God and he brought me out of the dark and into the light. And that he saved my husband and turned him into the man he is today...phenominal! Thank you GOD!

THE GREAT IAM STILL IS......

One Year Ago Today!

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Tarryn. Chad and I had tried for about 6 months with no success, then he got laid off from work so we weren't to worried about the fact that we had not gotten pregnant. Then of course I end up pregnant. I can remember going to get a test and taking it at my office. I really didn't think I was it just became habitat to buy a test, it was kinda fun but at the same time made me a bit sad each month. When I took this test it was a really light line that showed up so I wasn't 100% sure so I went back to my desk and kept watching it...I would work for a bit then look at it, work then look at it and it kept getting darker! I decided to leave work early and go find Chad he was suppose to be taking Peyton to the park that day. So I sat and waited on them and when he pulled up he was like why are you not at work? I handed him the test and he was like are you pregnant? I am still not sure if he was happy or sick to his stomach...lol...He is not much of a baby person but he is the best daddy and loves his girls...

It is just so hard to believe that a year has already passed...Tarryn has been a GREAT baby in the last almost 4 months of her life....she only cries when she's hungry. Last week I started her on baby food just carrotts for now and she LOVES them! Of course she is such a junk....She weighed 19.13 pounds on March 22nd! Needless to say she is a growing BABY!!!

One Year ago toady I became a mother of two!!! Thank God for both my little miracles!

Remembering a friend

This week on facebook a few of us were discussing spirits/ghosts on my page. I have had so many very strange encounters so I thought I would share one very special event that happened nearly 10 years ago...wow hard to believe it's been that long.

On June 23rd 2000 I lost a dear friend of mine in a car wreck. Eric Ryan Young was one of those people that loved you for YOU!!He was a jack of all trades. One of his many jobs was lawn care. He had built his business up a lot over the years and was well known in the community for his nice neat PERFECTLY straight lines in his grass...lol...I can remember him talking about grass on peoples lots as we drove by them, he would always say "my John Deere could do a better job than that" then laugh at himself.His favorite equipment was John Deere as was his favorite color. We had so many really great times together that I could not even begin to list them. The day that Eric died was like a dream actually probably from that day and the two weeks following that day were a dream. I can remember being at my sisters house and my friend Tiffany knocking on the door. When I opened it her facial expressions was all I needed to see to tell something was wrong. When she told me my heart just broke in to a million pieces. I can remember the funeral home being so full of people those few days that there was at least an hour wait at times to get through the doors. I can still picture him lying there and just waiting for him to sit up and say something...How I wish I could have gotten one of his lawn care shirts he was working on getting...I knew in my heart that Eric was in heaven and watching us.But what happened two months later is what really gave me peace of mind.

In August my friend Kristen and I were working a booth for my sister at the southern ky fair in Bowling Green. We were extremely bored with the whole thing and we were actually about to pack up things when this man approached our table. (bear with me as I try to explain this for all to understand)do you know how when you walk into a store to get only one thing and you know exactly where you are going so rush in and rush out with your mind focused on that one thing??? Well, that is how this man was. When he walked into the building he was starring straight at us with a smile on his face. As he walked through the doors until he reached our table he never stopped starring at us. This strange feeling came over me immediately... When he got to our table/booth he said "Hello,I was just wondering if I could leave some brochures on your table to help advertise my lawn care business" of course I said yes and so he said that he would bring them back tomorrow night. He then handed me his business card, shook my hand and said "thank you, Ashley" and walked away...I HAD NEVER MET THIS MAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!!(nor was I wearing a name tag) I stood there for the longest time (or at least it felt that way) just holding his card in my hands and wanting so bad to stop the man but I couldn't speak I was shocked...Then I looked down only to find the card to be a John Deere color with a golden angel printed on it playing the trumpet. I lost it...I began to cry..I just could not understand the small things that I kept thinking about..like, why would you have that printed on your "lawn care" business card? Why would you choose our booth to advertise on when you could have used the front tables closer to the entrance to get better views? I looked at Kristen cause she too had been handed the business card and she too was crying...We did not even pack up our table we just left. When I returned the next day anxiously awaiting the arrival of this man so I could ask questions I soon learned that I would have lots of unanswered questions....HE NEVER RETURNED...

Now I am sure some of you are probably thinking no big deal just a fluke thing. And that is fine you can believe what ever you like and I will continue to believe that this was meant to happen for a reason. I got peace in my heart that night....I tucked that business card away into my boxes full of memories and decided that I would never EVER let it be lost. While discussing this on facebook the other day Laurie told me that I had never shared this story with her nor had I ever showed her the card...which is very strange..so I scanned it in today and emailed it to her, along with a poem I wrote one day while sitting at the gravesite. (I did that a lot the weeks following his death).

Please DO NOT try calling the number on this card...lol...I do not want to know if it is real or not...I want it left the way it is so I can always have that peace in my heart....I believe it was Eric's way to tell me "hey fivel" (which was his nick name for me, it use to make me sooo mad...lol) I am where I need to be and I will always be in your heart....

Answers!

I am still searching inside myself for all the answers! This weekend was a bit over whelming for me. I am not even sure why becasue it was a great weekend, but I found myself pushing God away all weekend. Isn't it funny because I spent all weekend in a church. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed some more. I often wonder if I am praying the correct way? Is there a wrong or right way to pray? I want so much to be a part of something but yet I can not quiet make myself join..Does that make sense? I have unfortunately suffered with depression since I was probably 15 years old. I find it a bit stupid (for lack of better words) because REALLY what do I have to be so darn depressed about? But I get in these ruts where one day I am great and the next day all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. I wonder why it affets me like this? I wonder why I have to suffer with this? I have healthy beautiful kids a great husband whom I might add God has blessed beyond words. A WONDERFUL job and most importantly I know I have GOd in my heart. But yet I still struggle with happiness....I don't want to anymore, I do not want this to be passed on through my girls cause I definetly never want them to have to feel this way.

Some days my girls face is the ONLY thing that keeps me going and not laying back down in the bed and crying all day...

On the outside I am a seemingly normal happy person but on the inside I have sooo many unanswered questions about life, God, family, and I think that is what brings me down some days. I told Chad yesterday that I want to be ableto understand the Bible better. If I am called to help people then maybe my calling is bringing people to the Lord? But shouldn't that be what we ALL do. I need a friend to do this with. I need somebody that I can ask questions to and get the right answers and scripture to back it up. What I wouldn't give for someone to care enough to come to my house and sit with me and explain. I can not learn the Bible like I need to in a class room setting.

I know today is going to be a better day which means this week will be great as well. I have had a GREAT morning do far.

I just often need to get on here and ramble so for those of you just now reading don't get scared away....I just often feel confused....lol :)

PRESS ON!

This song says so much without me even typing a message with it. I am a music NUT...I am so inspired by music and when I find a good song that really has a great meaning I like to share it. I LOVE this group and their cd has been playing in my car non stop all week. I am sure as I am driving down the road with my hand raised in the air praising God people driving by probably think I am nuts...but that is okay I could only wish they could be in my car feeling what I feel at that very moment...I am very very proud to be that girl!

IN LOVING MEMORY OF TIFFANY!

Two years ago today I lost a great friend to a horrible diease called Bechets. Tiffany struggled for far to long with this illness. Though life kept us a part for way to long I thank God for bringing us back together towards the end of Tiffany's life. Though she was in such horrible pain and dealing with her own battles daily, she was always trying to help me find my place with the Lord. I could have never asked for better friend than Tiffany. I miss her everyday BUT I know we will meet again someday.


Soon we'll come to the end of life's journey
And perhaps we'll never meet anymore
Til we gather in Heaven's bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore

if we never meet again this side of heaven
as we struggle through this world and it's strife
there's another meeting place somewhere in heaven
by the beautiful river of life

where the charming roses bloom forever
and separations come no more
if we never meet again this side of heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore

LOVIN MY BABY!

It really doesn't get any better than this...The first picture is of course Tarryn representing her Vday outfit...I have taken a vow to ALWAYS have a hair bow on her head as long as she will allow me to (Peyton would never let me put a bow on her) Poor Tarryn is getting all of them...lol..The next picture is Tarryn asleep in walker and the last picture was taken while I was sitting on the couch Peyton pushed Tarryn over in front of the tv and that is what I saw when I first looked up..I mean really look at that cute little round head that you can barely see HE HE HE !!! I love it I cracked up I thought it looked like a little ole' man sitting there. She is such a big girl hard to believe she is only 2 months old!

When Daddy's away!

I LOVE THESE TWO little girls...They have changed my life in so many ways. Since Chad has been gone this week Peyton has been snuggling with me at night in our bed and I have to admit I have LOVED it..When I came in tonight and Peyton had the princess mask over her eyes I died laughing...She really is a princess...lol. THen I look over at Tarryn laying in her bassinet I just melted...THANK YOU GOD for this amazing gift you have given me...The gift of motherhood...NO other gift will EVER be better...

The Eyes

When I look into her eyes I see a very smart, loving, caring and curious kid. I see me and of course I see Chad. I see the baby that I held in my arms six years ago. I see my first born baby growing up into an incredible little girl. I see a girl who is on fire to learn EVERYTHING and ANYTHING...I see the future and pray that she follows God all of her life. I see the girl who will eventually graduate High School and college and get married and have a family of own. I see my life in her eyes ONLY BETTER... But most of all I see in her eyes is LOVE...She loves me for me. No matter what I wear or how I look or how mad I make her she loves me unconditional. And guess what? I love her unconditional as well. I hope that I can always guide her in the right direction and allow her to live the life of Gods child.Sometimes its just good to look into the eyes of your child. No matter how old she is in pictures when I look into her eyes I see the same little girl staring back at me. I AM TRULY BLESSED